My Poor Neglected Blog

Oh how I've ignored Dude, WTF for so long. But she was never far from my heart, as daily I find myself uttering "WTF" or screaming out "Dude," - or just starting a sentance with "Dude man, get this." It's all good. I guess I didn't have anything good to say for the last few months. Or maybe I just didn't have time with the wedding planning and the job and stuff. Not saying I don't have PLENTY to do right now, but I'm doing a little thing called "Lunch at the Desk." You know it people - at least you people who get a half hour, like me. But get this - there is a cafeteria in my building, so I get to buy lunch for only $3.50. What a deal! Today I got grilled cheese, tomato soup and fries, plus a cookie and a delicious Snapple. I didn't eat the soup, I was expecting it to taste like hot V8, instead it tasted like tomatoes. Disgust....The grill cheese though. OhMammy, they must use butter here. Lots of butter! On accounta I'm used to making grilled cheese at my parent's house, I always used that fake margarine stuff, like "I can't believe It's Not Butter," or whatever other crap was on sale. Let me say, butter is GOOD shit....

Anyway, if anyone is still reading this feel free to comment and tell me exactly what you'd like me to talk about. Alias is no longer on the air, so I can't write about how that show sucks open ass. I can talk about how The Amazing Race just makes me want to kick in the TeeVee screen because the people on it are so freaking stupid. Or I can talk about Survivor and how this season is so boring I barely stay awake til 9. Oh Oh, I know what I can talk about! We have the DVR and each day the little DVR tapes Melrose Place reruns for me. OhJoy, I can't say enough good things about DVR or Melrose. If you are thinking about getting the DVR or TiVo, just do it! And make sure you get the Soap Network, cause then I'll come over and watch Melrose and 90210 with you! But they just started the reruns of 90210 over again from the beginning and let me say, Shannon Dougherty in 1991 - WOOOF. I don't know what Dylan McKay was thinking, and I'm still wondering how Donna Martin got in the cool crowd. Yeah she's rich, but everyone at the school was, except Brenda and Brandon. That didn't stop Brando from driving a Mustang for 9 seasons. But I digress.

Donna Martin Graduates.

Allan - OUT.

Comments

So someone commented the other day on the Exercise Sandals pointing out why they were called Exercise Sandals, while I insist they just be called Torture Sandals, because they are made of wood with that thin little leather strap and come on, you have to do a lot of work to walk in those. Turns out that is why they are Exercise Sandals, cause your legs have to work while wearing them. Well WTF?? Bring those back! Why would I go to the gym when I can just torture myself all day by wearing the Exercise Sandals and save myself an hour each morning.

A few side notes. The person who left the comment was anonymous, so I don't know who it is, but I would love to ask them "how the eff did you know that??" Or does everyone know Dr. Scholl's secrets but me?

In other news - does anyone else think that Parvati from Survivor is a big old ho? I do....I have her name in the work pool and I'd be happy to see that tramp get voted out just because she needs to get taken down a peg or two....

Werd.

Quote of the Day

I know it's only 8:30 in the morning but a friend wrote me this morning and within the email was a line so, how shall I say, profound, that I had to make it quote of the day. Now one might say "Lori, the day has just begun." But homey don't play that, I think this deserves it's own day....

And yeah yeah yeah, I never write anymore, blah blah blah. I got shit going on dude!

So here it is...



Things are just ducky here.  By ducky, I mean it sucks open ass. - JB

Til Death Do Us Part (My Ass)

Dude, I just read that Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra are ending their marriage.

I wonder what did it for them. Was it the fact that he wore more makeup than her during their wedding (and every day for that matter)? That he had his nails done for the wedding and she didn't? That he takes longer than her to get ready in the morning and uses more hairspray for that matter? That he secretly wants to be a woman? That he's trying to bed reality TV babes? Who knows!!!!!!! All I can say is, I'm speechless. I thought those kids were going to last forever, but I should have known better. Since Heather Locklear and Tommy Lee broke up, nothing shocks me. I thought those kids were going to make it too. Them and Eddie Van Halen and Valerie Burtanelli. And Brad and Jen.

Boy, was I wrong!

Rest In Peace Navarro Marriage (2003-2006). Rest. In. Peace.

What an Injustice!

Well ain't this about a bitch??????

This dude effs over hundreds of people by ruining their futures and retirements, is found guilty of multiple crimes, and dies before sentancing? Boy did HE get off easy. I would have loved to hear the stories of Ken Lay in the "Federal Pound Me In the Ass Prison."

As Mammie from Gone With the Wind would say, It ain't fittin, it just ain't fittin.

Patience People!

Boy, my readers sure are fickle. I ask and ask for them to post comments and they ignore me. Then I go on vacation for a week and don't post and THEN the comments start flowing in. Post already, Post already. People, please, give me a chance to explain. I did post yesterday. I posted a definition for the Urban Dictionary that I laughed my ass off over. But guess what I did? I posted it to the WRONG blog. I accidentally put it on a blog that I use for work, and I swore on the posting no less. Then, host of hosts, our internet connection went down. I nearly shit my pants worrying that someone would view it and report me. Luckily I called P at home and had him remove the post.

But here it is for those who care. I peed my pants over this.

Urban Dictionary - Gooze

So Vegas was good fun, even though it was Africa Hot. I came home with no tan, and I was out in the sun one day and came back in that day with a mustache. I have no idea what happen, if the tanning oil did or didn't get on the area above my lip, but sometimes when I glance in the mirror it seriously looks like I have a stache. I hope this fades soon, I hate seeing it and makeup won't cover it. And no, I can't wax it, the hair is blonde, no sense in going through the pain if it won't do anything.

But if anyone calls me Sanchez, I'll kill you.

How about a big shout out to DMC for celebrating his big 19th birthday yesterday? I called him to say Happy Birthday. Twice. I didn't hear MY phone ringing with a return call though. Typical!

Punishment!!!!!!!

The Lie Clock

TeeHeeHee

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind St. Peter.

"What are all those clocks?" he asked.

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible", said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock," St. Peter answered. "The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus's office," St. Peter said. "He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Hey Madonna - Take Off the Legwarmers and Get in the 2000s!

I found this on MSNBC this morning. I had to post it and note that Madonna is another person who needs to get the fuck over herself. Perhaps her, Angelina and Brad can all start hanging around together. Then again, they'd probably start a club open to only them, not making it much of a club, save for the fact that they are all over rated.

Kabbalah ends Madonna-Britney friendship

By Jeannette Walls
MSNBC
Updated: 2:49 a.m. ET June 13, 2006

Looks like smooch-buddies Madonna and Britney Spears are buddies no more.

When the two locked lips on MTV, it made news around the world. Now, Madonna has reportedly dumped Spears because the “Oops I Did It Again” crooner has bailed on Kabbalah.
Madonna spent a great deal of time and money wooing the younger singer into the Kabbalah fold, and it worked for at least a while; Spears was spotted wearing the trendy religion’s trademark red string bracelet and toting around Kabbalah books.

But not long ago, Spears publicly ditched the mystical offshoot of Judaism, writing on her Web site: “I no longer study Kabbalah, my baby is my religion.” Spears, who was raised a Baptist, has allegedly been consulting with a “Christian Life Coach” about her troubled marriage to Kevin Federline.

“Madonna spent months teaching Britney the Kabbalah system and splashed out thousands on the ancient scripture for her,” according to a source quoted by Virgin.net, which is further reporting that Madonna is demanding that Spears return the twelfth-century book on Kabbalah that she gave her as a wedding present. Madonna’s rep had no comment by press time, but the source said: “She feels she has wasted time, money and precious gifts on Brit.”

I LOOOOOOOVE the part about how Madonna wants her book back. It's just so "you pushed me on the playground and I'm telling my mommy on you."

Can the world give me some good celebrity news soon?

Happy Birthday To You

Today is Maddie Moo Moo's first birthday - I can't believe how fast it went. We went to her birthday party yesterday and she got a billion presents. No kidding. A billion. There were presents everywhere. I got her a car for when she turns 16. OK, I actually got her two containers of Puffs (her favorite food) and money, but I'm sure somewhere in that pile she got a car. I left partly into the presents to go see Jack and then came back 10 minutes later and they were STILL opening presents. I told my mom "this reminds me of my first birthday," and she gave me the look that says "Dude, WTF..." Cause I can't remember that shit.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to you Maddie.

Angelina - Get Over Yourself

Is it me, or do Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt really need to get over themselves????

If you are saying no, click here.

If you still think they are cool, send me a comment, cause I'm trying to figure out if they are a bunch of a-holes or if I'm just being a bitch. Because while I realize people are going to jump on the bandwagon of them having a baby, I think they should get back to life and focus on what they do best, which is making shitty movies. I mean, you know everyone is on the edge of their seats waiting for Lara Croft Tomb Raider Part III. Or, maybe Angelina will play another crazy person who is easy and has bad hair and get an Oscar! That is a surefire way to get one. Play a crazy, a hooker, a serial killer*, or a fiesty attorney's assistant with big hooters.

*Note: Serial killer is not a surefire way to win, but the nomination will be a sure thing.

The Shuttle Ride with the Big Jerk

Today I had to take my car in to get the air fixed (thank the Jesus) and I had to take the little Courtesy Shuttle to work. There is always a nice man driving it who makes conversation, but inevitably, there is always a big asshole in the shuttle. And today was no exception. I remember once they picked up from the Porshe Dealer in the back and the guy there was a jerk. But today, the jerk was picked up from the Toyota Dealer (they sell a lot of car brands at this joint.)

Anyway, the driver was chatting about how the storm last night woke him up, and said 'Oh, did you hear it?' and Asshole says "it was kind of hard not to." Yeah, well LoriV didn't hear it. LoriV had the air on, the window shut and was tired from waking up at 5 that morning. So LoriV slept through the "storm that was hard to miss." Anyway, I'm always the last one to be dropped off, but this time the driver decided to take me to work first, then drop this guy off at UB on the way there. That is where Asshole worked. UB. I said "Oh, are you a professor there?" and he said "Yes." And I said "What do you teach?" and he said "Ecology in the biology department." So I went on to say that my cousin is majoring in bio-sciences and that it's really tough and how he's a smart kid and I can't imagine how hard it must be, to which Asshole replied "well you know these kids come from these high schools thinking they are smart and then they realize that high school was easy." So I was like "Yeah," which wasn't terribly original, but you know, what do you say to that? More on that later.

So we are driving and I asked if he taught a summer class and he said "No, I'm working on research now," and I said "Oh, to be published," and he said "Well the whole point of doing research is to get published so you can share the findings with everyone else," and I was like this. "Oh - haha, yeah right."

And then I sat back and started to think.

And THEN I said to myself (and wanted to say out loud) "You're an ASSHOLE."

First off, I thought maybe he was doing research for next semester, to CHANGE up what he taught in his class, instead of teaching the same old lessons over and over. I was wrong. Second of all, who does this Asshole think he is? I had a good mind to say "Um, No SIR, my cousin is in fact smart, but there are Asshole professors at UB (like you) who don't teach properly, and just mumble lessons and make students feel stupid when they ask questions." And no, that wasn't my cousin who asked the question, it was another girl in the class who was told by the professor that maybe she was too stupid to be taking the class. But I digress.

This man was an Asshole. I spent the rest of the time with my eyes closed, until we got closer to the city and I started talking to the van driver, but then Asshole was laughing at what I was saying and I wanted to be like "Well if Asshole thinks it's funny I should be quiet," and then I thought "Asshole." Then I was quiet. So they got me to work and I thought "this poor driver, he has to put up with this Asshole another nine miles up the road." Hopefully he didn't hit any traffic lights.

Onward...

Paul sent me a link today to a freaking hilarious blog about a guy who bought a junk laptop on Ebay but the guy who sold it forgot to delete his hard drive from it. I laughed my ass off and you will too. Click here.

Saturday, June 3 is the Race for the Cure. We are 50 bucks away from our Team Vallon goal of raising $1,000. The soda sales at work are a little slow (I guess people prefer Pepsi over Coke) but I think I'm going to have another $25 bucks from that when all is said and done. So if one more person donates or joints we'll be set. You should join. Go here.

Oh, and one a happy note, my car is covered under warranty, so I don't have to pay for my AC to be fixed. On a sad note, they had to replace the condensor because it was leaking. The sad part is that they just replaced the condensor last year, which means that part lasted approximately 10 months (I got it replaced last July.) What kind of shoddy parts is GM pumping out that a $900 piece of equipment can't last for longer than 10 months? I don't know. But I think that the man who wrote the commentary in the Buffalo News a few weeks back about how Americans are bitter about autoworkers getting good benefits and how autoworkers have high standards needs to meet with me for a few minutes so I can ask him "Dude, WTF???"

Office Memo

Please note that at this year's Office Picnic there will be only one alcoholic drink per person; please bring your OWN cup .

Maddie Moo Moo Grows Up Fast!

Boneless Chuck

So I was reading through some old West Seneca Bees (props for saving them Marcy!) and I usually don't read the Police Blotter but the headline caught my attention.

Chuck Roast Put in Pants

In BOLD!

It seems "on Friday, October 28, 2005, a white male suspect in his forties left the Wegmans store on Orchard Park Road wiht a boneless chuck roast in his pants."

Several questions have arisen in my mind.

1. Why would you put Chuck Roast Put in Pants as the title? I thought about it and realized they were smart for doing it, as it got me to read more in the blotter. But still. Have some dignity people.

2. Why would you put a chuck roast in your pants. It was in October, which would be fine time to wear a coat. Do you really want to put a package of meat, which could leak, in your pants?

3. How the hell did these workers know it was boneless? Were they that close to this man? Or did they just go over to meat and note there was a boneless chuck missing, as opposed to a bone-in chuck? Couldn't they have just said "chuck roast" and left out the boneless part? It just brings up way too many questions.

There you have it. My excitement for yesterday (besides the Blender lists and Bono's haircut.)

I LOVE THE INTERNET!

Did you ever have one of those days when you were bored and wanted to surf the web but it seems like there was NOTHING that you could find that was interesting? Well today isn't one of those days!

First, I was sent a link about someone named Brandon Davis (I think) dissing on Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton was with him giggling like a mother fucker cause she thought it was just hilarious that he decided to walk along the street on their way to wherever they were going and talk bad about her for no reason. I remember when people I knew used to do that. That was back when I was 15! If you would like to see the article and watch the video, click here!

Note: I have no idea who Brandon Davis is, but the article says he's a millionaire, the grandson of some late millionaire who I guess left him some money. I guess he forgot to pass on "a clue" to young Brandon.

Anoter note: Someone pointed out to me about an hour ago that at least Lindsey Lohan does work. And he has a good point. I'm not crazy about her, but she does have a bunch of movies under her belt. What is Paris doing? As my friend put it, she hit the genetic lottery, and boy, do I agree!

Next up, I scrolled down to the bottom of that page and saw something about Bono. Of course, I clicked on it. BONO GOT A HAIRCUT!!!!!!!! Hot diggety! That isn't what the article was about, only myself and a few other Bono fans get excited about that stuff. This was about Bono posing with some cell phones and I guess the company is helping out with the African Debt. The title of the article was Bono and Motorola Do Red. When I first read it I thought "Oh, he's been hanging out with more models" because I thought the name Motorola Do Red was someone's name. It isn't!

You can see the article by clicking here. Also, you can view the comments of a young man named rob enderle who is scathing about Bono's humanitarian efforts. I don't know what Bono did to him, but he is MAD! rob refers to Bono as "a tool used to give white people some sense that they are doing something while at the same time making sure that mulinationals that rape and pillage the planet still can do it with a clean conscience." Dude, get out of the bitter barn and come play in the hay...

Coincidentally, it drives me bonkers when people post things on websites and don't capitalize their name. If you are going to take the time to post, you can take the time to hit "shift" when typing the R and E in your name! In any case, I just commented back to him, but it's being reviewed before it gets posted. Good thing my salty language didn't come out.

Onward and upward.

After reading about Bono (and his haircut) I stumbled onto the Blender Magazine Website when the article "The 50 Worst Things Ever to Happen to Music" caught my eye. If you want to read it, click here. It was OK. Not great, not bad. But then I spied with my little eye the 50 Worst Songs Ever! To my horror, I have like all of them on my Itunes, or on CD. Is this some kind of sick joke? Or do I just like bad music? Or a little bit of both. I notice that they poked fun of all the music that they would never talk about in Blender. You didn't see any mention of a bad Nirvana song, no mocking of Good Charlotte or Blink 182, but you know that ALL their songs weren't good! But I digress. The song "The Final Countdown" by Europe is on that list. Wait until I tell Jane, she'll be outraged. Actually, I'm torn up. They used to blare that out of large speakers when I went to the Barnabas Lawn Fete each year when I was like 10, and I thought it was way cool. I obviously have lot to learn.

Anyway, if you go to the Blender Site they have a whole bunch of other lists, including:

The 50 Worst Artists in Music History!

500 CDs You Must Own Before You Die!

The 50 Most Awesomely Dead Rock Stars! and;

The 500 Greatest Songs Since You Were Born! Not to ruin anything, but Billy Jean was number one. Yeah, that video was the freaking bomb! Number 2 was the song B.O.B by Outkast. Um, OK. Number 3 is Sweet Child of Mine by Guns N' Roses. OK I agree with them there, but I'm not digging on number 2.

Oh, I just scrolled down and number 4 is One by U2.

I LOVE BLENDER!

I LOVE THE INTERNET!

All is right with the world.

Please Paul - You Can Do Better Than That!

I just read an article on AOL that says that Paul McCartney and his wife Heather Mills, AKA, has one leg, are seperating after four years of marriage. You can read this article here.

I will copy the lead which I found so very interesting.

Former Beatle Paul McCartney and his second wife, Heather Mills McCartney, said Wednesday that they are separating after nearly four years of marriage, blaming intrusion from the media and insisting their split is amicable.

Ok. Can someone clear this up for me? Paul McCartney WAS in fact married to Linda McCartney for some of those those years he was in the Beatles right? And weren't they like always in front of the camera? And wasn't someone always trying to take thier picture and get up in their grill? And then they were in Wings, which sucked, but still, the cameras were still rolling and you couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting a radio playing Band On the Run. Yeah, I thought so. Yet these two can't keep it together for longer than four years, and blame the media?? And of course, they had to have a kid, even though he's a FOSSIL! He probably regales the kid with stories about how he got his driver's license driving a Model T and how it broke him up when the Titanic went down.

OK, OK - so he's not that old. But you get my drift.

Anyway, I think the media excuse is bogus. All these celebrities are like "get me on TV, get me on TV," and they want to be famous, but then when it gets to be too much they cry and whine like little babies. Don't give me that crap about going in show business so you can practice your "craft." Don't wanna hear it. At any given time, you can go away. And most of the time, we are more than happy to see you go (thank you Jessica Beil for fading into the sun!) But don't give me the "I just want to do my job and do it well and have my privacy." And I bet you want your million dollars for working three weeks, don't you? Yeah, can't have it both ways.

So in conclusion - I'm not bitter about celebrities. I think they just need to fess up, take credit for thier problems and not blame TV cameras for their downfalls. Because the only one I'm listening to that line from is Princess Diana.

An Actual Email Which I Just Received

Someone forwarded me an email because they thought I'd get a kick out of the subject line.

Well I did!

Here is the subject.

Strategies for Better Bladder Control Wednesday Night

Um. OK.

Mind you, this isn't spam. It's the real deal. You know you all want to leard about Better Bladdar Control, people!

Memories from Childhood

I got an email recently of all these things from the 1970s and since I'm mostly an 80s baby, a lot of them didn't pertain. But a few of them did.

First, the Donnie and Marie Doll. I had these. Sadly. I got them from McCrory's at the old Como Mall (now the Appletree Business Park.) I might have even got them in the 1980s, but maybe they were just carry overs from ones that didn't sell in the 70s. No doubt. Donnie was the only boy "Barbie" doll that I had, as I never got an official "Ken" doll. I got through it. He had this fly outift on, and came complete with his own silver microphone which attached to his hand. Marie had one too, and by the time she got retired in the late 80s, her dress, with the fun scraggly fabric, was all rolling up at the bottom and looked awful. But from what I remember, she fit into all the traditional Barbie clothing, so she did fine. A few years after I got her, I got Pretty In Pink Barbie for passing my swimming test (that was in the first grade.) Now I don't have a picture of Pretty in Pink Barbie, but she was way hot. Now I know Peaches N Cream Barbie knocked her out of the water a year later, but pretty soon Day to Night Barbie hit the scene and kicked both of them to the curb.

Onward to something I wanted, but never actually got. I always wanted an official pair of Dr. Scholl's Clogs. I wanted the "real deal" clogs, the ones that covered the whole front and top of your foot. My best friend had them in Blue, and man, they were phat. She let me wear them around her room, but never for that long. What a bitch. (She knows that she was a bitch back then, I have told her and she agreed.) I did have a pair of the "other" kind of clogs (pictured here.) They were from KMart, and I'm not sure if they were actual Dr. Scholl's, they could have been but they might as well have been Zzips for all I cared. (Zzips was the generic brand of sneakers from KMart, also known as Buddies, more on that later.) Sure these clog sandals were loud, but you couldn't exactly wear them year round. The full clog could be worn year round, esp. cause you wore them with socks.

On a side note, these are labeled Exercise Sandals. I'm sorry. What exercises did they think we'd be doing in these? I remember playing hopscotch and the bastards flying off!

Back to Zzips. I remember sitting in the cart at KMart and listening to the jingle about Zzips and thinking they were cool. Of course I was like 5. Obviously if I fit into the cart, duh. Anyway - if you got these and were in like first grade, that was fine. But if you busted in wearing Zzips in 5th grade, you'd hear this

"Buddies, Buddies make your feet feel fine, Buddies, Buddies sale for $1.99"

Obviously I did not want to wear Buddies. Boy, kids can be so cruel! I do recall getting dressed like a real dork back in the day. I had the generic jeans, I remember my best friend had Jordache Jeans - REAL Jordache Jeans that cost $29.99. What a bitch! When you were 7, $29.99 was a lot of money. Looking back I realize that I'm fine for having worn generic, but I am still not over those Clogs. I bet they'll come back again. All things come back. Maybe one day I'll have a chance to buy them again, in blue, in a size 9. And I'll probably wear them one time and think "what was I thinking wanting a pair of shoes made of wood?" and never wear them again.

And by the by - am I the only one who misses the Como Mall? Iwent to see many, many $1.50 movies there on a Friday night, and purchased many many boxes of 3/$1 candy at the McCrory's. Coincidentally, I also owned a shirt from McCrory's. I can admit that now because it was in 7th grade. I told you I was a dork, dudes!

I Don't Think I Want To Eat Here!

Idol In a Nutshell

I wrote this last week to my friend who is a fan of American Idol and decided to share it here because she found it funny. I could go on forever with this, Paula shaking her head vigorously, Randy looking at Simon like he has two heads, but you get my gist.

Randy: "Dog, Dog, I am just not feeling it."
Paula: "I thought you were good, but maybe you can pick a better song next time. Keep at it, keep at it."
Simon: You reek. That was not good.
Paula: NOOOOOO NOOOOO (Waving hands all around)
Randy: OHHHH That’s harsh dog, that’s harsh

Cut to Seacrest, in his fancy suit and dippety do'd hair.

Sanity Gone!

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

7. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

8. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

9. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

10. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

11. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

12. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

14. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

15. Tell Your Children Over Dinner "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

What About A Real Season Yo?

So I'm watching Desperate Housewives right now and I just saw an advertisement for the Season Finale of What about Brian? Well Yo, wasn't it just a few weeks back (like four) that I was writing about the Season Premier of What about Brian? Since when was five shows enough to get someone hooked, give them the finale and expect that they would come back? Unless you are talking about Deal or No Deal. Which, by the by, is so damned dramatic. I like how Howie all pumps it up and is like "You'll find out after this commercial break." You know they are going to screw the pooch anyway, they are going to say No Deal when they are offered $200,000 cuase they are hoping for more. Dude, I'd take the $200,000! When else would you be offered up that sort of money. Take it stupid!

On a side note, this DH episode is wicked boring. I was so bored whilst watching that I logged onto my work account to check email. Now you KNOW it's boring then.

On another side note, we have had no heat in our apartment for the past two weeks. Which was fine up until last night, when I think it was like 30 degrees or some shit, and in my apartment it was like 62 and I'm not used to that anymore. It was like being back at my parent's house when I used to have to put my feet underneath the matress while on the computer just to warm up. I had to put on long pants, a sweater and my fuzzy socks and bring an extra blanket into bed. I should call maintenance, but I always forget until the weekends when I'm here and I'm freezing. Perhaps I should email them right now! That would be the smart thing to do.

DH still boring....

I have had a craving for ice cream for about three hours now and there is none to be found in my freezer. I'm thinking about knocking on the neighbor's doors to ask around. Think anyone else in the building would think that was wierd? I mean, one time I did lend a can opener to my neighbor. It would be just like that!

Ice cream.......

I'm Officially Lost

Shit Yo - Lost just keeps getting wierder and wierder. I watched the last 15 minutes of it last night and my mouth was hanging on the freaking ground, then everyone I was with didn't watch the show, so they could care less, and they started talking about normal things like ice cream and vacations and I was there "Did ya see that? Did Ya SEE THAT???" WTF yo - WTF....They better clear up some of this stuff. And they better not pull this type of stuff for the finale, cause I'll be sitting there all summer going "Wtf yo, wtf yo" just like I am right now!

So WTF???

I went to Roadhouse last night and my friend's son wanted Mac and Cheese, so we go thim Mac and Cheese. Dude, it's KRAFT Mac and Cheese. It cost 3.99 for Mac and Fries, and you can make that at home for like a buck. You can buy a sixer of Mac and Cheese for that money. And after he ate all his Mac he said "I want more Mac and Cheese" and I was like "sorry dude, gotta eat the fries unless you want some of my Roadie (with onions!)." That went over like a fart in church.

So dudes, the other day, Kristen said that she'd be all over something like a Hobo on a Ham Sandwich and she has said it before, but this time it struck me as SUPER funny, and I've decided that I'd like to start saying it more. I mean come on -a hobo on a ham sandwich? Hilarious!!!

In other news, my car inspection is expired and I just noticed last night. I said to myself "self, how did this happen??" cause usually I'm on that shit like a Hobo on a Ham Sandwich (see???) But it did without me noticing...So now I'm being very careful about going through yellow lights, just in case, and I don't like doing that, I say yellow is as good as green, just GO GO GO! I'm going to get it inspected this afternoon, so I'll be back to my antics once again. I just hope they have some donuts in the "courtesy lounge" at Culligan cause the TeeVee is always on some sport station there watching some stupid ass racing or something and I gotta find someway to entertain myself.....

Officially, I'm Offended

Comments

So dude, WTF - I'm not getting any comments from real people - I'm only getting comments that are like, SPAM! I don't like that. I know I can learn how to make money from home, but please, does that Spammer need to tell me 18 times? NO, I read it once and I absorbed it, it's all good!

So people - leave me some comments or I might cry.

And if you want to hear some exciting news, you should really all call me on the phone!!!!

I Still Got The Sickness

I got the sickness still, but now it's moved into my head so I have a nice stuffiness going on and my voice sounds all wierd. At least it's something that people can hear, it's always hard to be like 'I'm sick' but if you sound sick, then people might actually THINK it's true. Which I hope they do. I would have stayed home but with a day like today, when it's 72 degrees, you just KNOW you'd come back to the "Oh, feeling better?" in that "tone" which means they don't believe that you were really sick in the first place. Please! I have to go outside to see what the weather is like anyway, from my room this morning it looked a bit dreary, it wasn't until I turned on the TeeVee I knew how hot it was going to be. And it is! I turned on the AC. I'm bucking the system. I know people say "Oh, I enjoy the breeze" and I call those people "people with broken air conditioners."

Mooohhhhaaaaa

I just learned that Baby Jack is sick, he has the swollen glands and he's not himself which is really sad because he's such a little peach when he's hamming it up. Like the time I asked where his sweatshirt was from (Gap) and he grabbed my face and said "Hooooome Hooooome" just like ET. Crazy kid! He finally admitted it was from Gap, and later told me that's where his pants and socks were from too. I think he was fibbing. I hope he is better soon, he's everyone's little P Pot!

I Got the Sickness

So you might not know this, but I've been bragging ALL winter long about how I haven't been sick. All around me people were dropping like flies and there was me, "Oh, I'm fine!" And now, I woke up with the sickness. I don't know if it's the exact sickness, but it feels like it's coming. Yesterday I was sneezing and coughing (the dry cough) and now I have the deep chest cough and frankly, I don't like it. It's not bad, I can still work and it's not like it's disrupting my day, but man, it's not comfy. Why sweet Jesus, why now after you let me brag for so long. It's been months, months! Maybe it's my own fault because I've been slacking at the gym, don't they say exercise keeps the sickness at bay? I think I read that somewhere. Too bad when I was warm and snug in my bed at 5:45 this morning I didn't give two shakes of a stick.

Anyway, here it is, April, with the big buildup to the May Sweeps when all the tv networks will (god willing) put their best foot forward and show us the good stuff. However, until that happens, we have to sit on our asses and watch reruns of all the good shows, or sit through new shows like "What About Brian?" whilst thinking "yeah, what about Brian?" What, was the 7th Heaven not good enough for him? Was he tired of the Camdens? Did he not want to stick around to see the little holy twins grow up? Well anyone too good for the WB must be too good for me, so I'm not watching! As you can see, I'm a little bitter aound the crap they are putting on the TV lately. I already finished watching the whole last season of Lost on DVD, what am I supposed to do to fill my time? Work? Finish up my master's project so it's not just sitting there all coffee stained with the corrections waiting to be made? Read trash novels? Play Gold Miner (ohh...gold miner.) Gold Miner can only fill so much time! I guess I could get a second job, but that sounds like too much work....

I Can't Remember

OK so I can't remember if I wrote about this already, but I don't THINK I did...I might have just complained to everyone about it in person...and I'm not complaining because it's been so long. But anyway, I was looking through the archives, and remember when I was in my "I Wish I Could Quit You" phase? Well I had completely forgotten about that. Probably cause I watched the movie Jarhead and now when I think about Jake I think "ohh raaa." No, maybe not. Probably cause I'D BEEN SAYING IT WRONG THE ENTIRE FREAKING TIME!

I finally saw Brokeback Mountain about a month ago, maybe even more, I can't remember. I can't even remember who I went to see it with, so no offense to that person. There is a lot of forgetting going on here. But there is something I remember. I remember this. The big buildup to my favorite line occured, and when Jake finally said it I went "WTF?? I've been saying it wrong." So the line is actually "I wish I KNEW HOW TO Quit You." But I've been running around for months like a freaking jerk saying I Wish I Could Quit you! And frankly, I've gotten pretty good at it. I bet people think it's really Jake standing there when I say it...I do my best voice. So anyway, I asked around and people seemed to like my line better, it just flowed more nicely, except that doesn't matter...I can't be making my own lines up. It's just wrong. So I have stopped saying it, and I've moved on to calling children "puddin'" cause I saw that in a TV show. Come on now, that's perfect, you see some little girl with pudgy cheeks - hey puddin'! Hahah.

On a side note, as I wrote the title of this entry, I Can't Remember, I'm brought back to a memory of Ozzy Osborne on Howard Stern. They got into a discussion of 9/11 and Ozzy was saying how it was just such a shock and Howard said "Yeah, that's one of those days you just never forget where you were or what you were doing," and Ozzy said "Yeah, Yeah," and Howard said "What were you doing that day?" and Ozzy said, in his Ozzy accent, "I can't remember." Well WTF, how do you not remember what you were doing on 9/11? In any case, when you do read this, say "I can't remember" in your best Ozzy voice!

I Smell a Rat

Much excitment at 330 Delaware this morning as I got a great view of a giant RAT right across the street!

They are putting up a new building right next to Channel 2 and the building directly across from us (which is vacant) and there are a bunch of Union workers picketing outside. Well, I wouldn't call it picketing, as they don't have any signs. They are just walking in circles and they have some posters (hand written on some Big Lots variety poster board no doubt) hanging up on the fence. They did however put up this GIANT blow up Rat which you see here. I think they don't have the posters in hand because they pooled all their moolah to get the giant rat. Anyway, he's holding a sign, but I can't read what it says cause I'm too far away. Then when I zoomed in, a cop car moved in front of the rat, obstructing part of the view. However, you can still see that big red blotch on the stomach of the rat. The people I work with think that it indicates it's a DISEASED rat - and I agree. I believe they are indicating that the builders are DISEASED RATS also, for not using Union Workers. However, I'm not sure they are really showing what quality workers they really are.

Right when I was taking these a Pine Hill Coffee Truck came over and like five of them ran over to get some coffee and donuts. Then, the ones who continued to picket were walking in a circle, and man, they were going slow. Like slower than a chain gang, except these dudes weren't chained together. They would get excited when people would toot the horn, but mostly they just went "yeah," they didn't move any faster. And to top it off, they must not realize that their hours on this picket line show their true work hours. This morning there were 20 of them, when i drove by at 3 p.m. there were about 6 of them, and just now I looked out and they are gone (so is the big rat and the cop cars.) It's not even 5 - where did they go?? Giving up so quickly? Maybe I see why the builders went NON Union!

Oh, and another question. Why are they putting up a new building when there is a perfectly good one right door that is empty? Hello? McFly? Anybody home?

Anyway, I don't know that any of the Union-Yes! will read this, but I want them to know that they really gave me and my co-workers some fun this morning. We all stood in Gene's doorway looking out the window. Later when Gene got here he asked "Did they get that rat from Cheektowaga?" and I got offended and said "absolutely not." Rats in Cheektowaga. Please. We got the airport! We got the mall! We ain't got no stinkin' rats!

No Problems at the Hortons

I got my coffeee at the Horton's this morning, and suprisingly, this nice man in a van let me cut in line, which was really nice, considering he was there before me. I started thinking, man, I'm going to pull a Haley Joel and Pay that Shit Forward today. Then I heard his order...he must have ordered his coffee, then when they tried to get him to buy up, it worked. He was like "Yeah, I want a hard roll," and I thought "OK fine, I can deal." But then I pulled up, and he didn't pull up behind me until I paid for mine. So either he was still ordering, or his car broke down (and it wasn't a dumper, so I'm sure he was still ordering.) WTF dude...I'm not paying it forward when he gets 8 bucks worth of stuff. I was going to get a bagel but then I thought, nah, don't want to spend the money...so hells no, I'm not paying for his hard rolls and timbits. Is that mean of me? Well so what then, it didn't work for Haley and it's not going to work for me I guess...Who knows. I might have gotten stab by some street toughs while at school just like he did. I mean, I don't go to school, but you never know, I do work in the COB.

Other exciting news, there was a posting on Overheard in the Office from Depew, which I'm going to paste here. I have to find out what this business is, I mean, come on people! Here is the listing...wheeeeee

Overheard in the Office
The Voice of the Cubicle

4PM Cruise Job Listings
Co-worker #1: If I ever get fired, I really want to sell myself on the streets.
Co-worker #2: Like a prostitute?

6350 Transit Road
Depew, New York

Coffee Saga Continues

So I got up late the other day and didn't have time to make my coffee. And I was like "Oh, guess I gotta go to Hortons," which I really didn't want to do because the line there at 8:50 a.m. at the one on Clinton and Harlem is quite the spectacle. The lot is super small, there are never spaces, and the drive through lane starts right off the Harlem entrance, and since I use the Clinton Entrance, you can just imagine that they don't like letting people in... I almost got into a fight with someone in the car once. The fight would have been us pointing fingers and yelling, but still, I don't like that in the morning. So I'm driving to work and I'm like "McDonalds, yeah, McDonalds!" It's cheaper and they just changed their coffee. Perfect.

Now remember the problem I had with them before? I was CERTAIN I would have a problem this time, as I've seen the signs everywhere saying that they mix it for you. So I got my large, pulled around, paid, then went to the 2nd window. And the man reached out and handed me - dadadadat du da - three things of creamer, followed by my coffee. A look came over my face, and seeing as I wasn't in front of a mirror, I can't tell you what it looked like, but I sure hope it conveyed confusion to the man. However, I don't think he cared, since he was the same one who had taken my money at window 1, then he ran up to window 2. So my question is - are they supposed to mix it? What gives??? Why can't they make up their minds. It would probably be cheaper for them to mix it, those little creamers can't be cheap, compared to a gallon of the half and half. And so, the question lingers. If you are reading this, and you know someone who works at the McDonalds, can you find out what their scheme is???

I have some other exciting things to post soon. I went to travelocity and got a big old HOOT out of the comments some of the people made about their hotel experiences. I can't wait to look at cities other than Vegas, I bet there are some good comments about the hotels in NYC!

Ho Hum...Until the Grapes Came Out

So today was shaping up to be a day like many others. Nothing really new, just working, emailing, meetings, etc. And then, the grapes came out of the bag. I got these grapes last night at the Wegmans - they were on sale, 1.99 a lb. Well, maybe not that big of a sale, but I like them and I figured I'd buy some. So I'm at my desk about an hour ago and decide to bust them out of the bag and eat some. I didn't wash them either - what a rebel I am! Anyway, I'm eating eating, whatever, dootie doo. So Jeff comes in and I'm pulling grapes out of the bag and some of them are huge. And then, the mother of all grapes came out of the bag. This thing is HUGE. I'm talking huge. I never saw a grape so big. So it was on my desk and I called in a woman to look at it, and she said "wow, that is big!" Then another woman said "are you sure that's a grape?" Then I told this other woman "dude, the biggest grape in the world is in my office," whilst down by the copy machine, and someone overheard and thought I was nutty, but it's true. This thing must have been treated with the cow growth hormone or something. So I decided it wasn't entertaining anyone whilst sitting on my desk so I took it out for a tour of the building - something of a "traveling exhibit." Everyone agreed "I never saw one so big." Another person said "are you sure that isn't a tomato?" and I said "but of course not, it was in my grape bag." I'm putting a picture here for proof. I have displayed the Bovine Grape along with a normal size grape. Many will note that the height might not be that much (close to an inch) compared to a normal grape, but please note the width, which is over an inch at the thickest part.

While taking these pictures JB noted that we must be really bored if this is what we are doing at 4:20 in the afternoon and he is right, but you know what? If I hadn't taken these pics I would tell you all about this giant grape one day and you would just say "Wow," but not really know the MAGNITUDE of this monster. I can't bring myself to eat it because it's like a show pony now. Maybe I'll get a little glass case, like they put Elvis's partially eaten porkchop in (you know like on the Golden Girls?) That's what I'm talking 'bout!

P.S. I ate so many of the other grapes I think I'm gonna vom...

News I'm Sad About

I just read this article and learned that Peter Tomarken, who hosted Press Your Luck, died in a plane crash. I don't know why I'm so upset, but I really am. Maybe cause I loved that show, maybe cause I just thought people like him go off and lead long lives before they die at 90 and when they do die people like me (who will be 60 by then) will be like "Oh sonny, I remember that show, no whammy's no whammy's, stop."

Very sad day - very sad.

TeeHeeHee

Where Are My Friends?

I am beginning to worry about two of my friends as they must be either:

1. Maimed (perhaps due to their poor survival skills, as show on this test.)

or

2. Very mad at me.

If your initials are CJG or DMC, I command you email me right now!

All the rest of you are good, you don't ignore my emails and pleas! Maybe cause YOUR sister's weren't in KMart Commercials and you feel you can still be my friend! Or maybe cause even though your super smart and get your picture in the Bee Group Newspaper, you still come down from on high to mingle with the commoners (like me.)

Miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Is Worth 3 Minutes Of Your Time

Can you tell I'm going through my favorites? I had to post this video link, becuase I just watched it again after a few months and it's still funny. Not laugh out loud and call people in the room funny, but mildly funny and more funny if you think that maybe this kid has no idea this is up on someone's website!

Click Here

P.S. It finally stopped snowing at 5 p.m.!

OMG I NEED THIS!

Look what they make!!

They make "I Can't Quit You" Bears - just as cute and fuzzy as the "Shit Bitch, You Is Fine" and the "Let's Get Busy" Bear!

I must have this!!!

New Month, Newly Ripped Off Template

So it's March now, and I decided to spice things up by changing the look of Dude, WTF. I like the darker color and the dots, but part of me feels bad that I don't have the skill to make up a blog all my own, like choosing the backgrounds and the layout and such. I had a hard enough time trying to put in the links to other people's sites, and I had to ask for help on how to put an extra space in between the links and that Powered by Blogger logo down there. But I'm sure there are some other losers out there who use the canned Blog artwork, right? Please tell me there are other losers out there.

It's snowing like an Em Effer today. It let up before, but from what I can tell it hasn't stopped the whole day. And since I never pay attention to the weather reports I had no idea this was coming. Luckily it's not that cold. Maybe I can trick someone into brushing off my car. I can say "isn't this your car?" and after they brush it off I'll say "psych, this is my car" and jump in and drive away. But that might not work unless I tell them to try out my snowbrush, which I don't think anyone would want to do. But maybe they would if I tell them it was used by someone famous, like the Pope. I can say "the Pope blessed this on his very last day of blessing things. Before he passed. Before his time." And then they might get fooled! I'll continued to work on my strategy in preparation for the next big snow day.

I want pizza for dinner! A nice buffalo chicken calzone would be delicious too, but the last time I got boned, they gave me a side of red sauce instead of a side of bleu cheese. How they gonna play me like that? I'm a loyal Picasso's customer!

On a side note, my phone has been ringing off the hook today. Don't people ever go home early anymore when it snows???

You Used Up All of the Glue, On Purpose!

Notafinga!

The Old Man from A Christmas Story has died. (Special thanks to Kevin for pointing this out. I was still wrapped up in Mr. Ferley's passing.)

What I find really funny about A Christmas Story is that he's even listed as "The Old Man" in the credits. Hilarious! Here are some of my favorite quotes, which of course were copied and pasted from IMDB cause I can't type all that stuff up!

Sons of bitches! Bumpuses!

Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian.

Alright, I'll get that kid to eat. Where's my screw driver and my plumber's helper? I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in.

It's a Major Award!

[Admiring his "major award"]: It's... it's... it's indescribably beautiful! It reminds me of the Fourth of July!

Of course there are more, but I hate to overload you with too much in one day. I save that for Fridays, when the Survivor Update comes out.

Speaking of which, no one has commented on the updates. You are all so fickle!

I Love Google!

Hey everyone! Someone pointed this out to me today (lord knows I would never have found it on my own.)

Do a Google search for the date "March 20th," and see what comes up.

It's all good people, it's all good. I mean, it's not Talk Like a Pirate Day, but it's still very funny!!!!!!!

The Lotto

I just read that the winners of the $365 million Powerball Jackpot came forward and it was eight workers at a ham factory in Nebraska. Now how cool is that? You chip in on a ticket and actually win against the odds? I just think it's so cool, cause now instead of giving a shitload of money to just one person, a whole GROUP of people are going to have a better life. Except for the one from the Congo. How did he get to stay over here dude...I can't get a Canadian into the US but you can come here from the Congo? OK Just kidding....

Anyway, I was supposed to win the MegaMillions again last night but something must have gone awry cause today on my way to work I saw that the jackpot went up to $205 million or something and according to my calculations I was supposed to win $165 million or something on accounta I have been so nice and friendly to everyone at work lately. Maybe the Lord can see that it's just a ruse, that I'm being nice but behind some people's backs I'm like 'Man, they need to learn to park their car, don't they know what those yellow lines are for?' But it's true dude, the parking lot looked like a war zone this morning, cars everywhere. I'm surprised the Peace Garden out back was intact, I think some of these people just pull into the lot with their eyes shut.

So anyway, the five bucks I spent on lotto tickets the other day was for not, but I am going to get more if I remember. Sometimes I forget things, and then when someone from Queens wins the jackpot I get mad. But I can't complain unless I have a ticket, which is exactly what happened last time. I got a nice ticket, and someone from Queens won. Queens! Why are all the lotto winners from Queens?? Does Yolanda Vega have some relatives down there or somethin'??

Did I tell you all that I got my haircut finally? Well I did, and it was long overdue thank you very much. One thing though. When I came to work on Tuesday people were like "Oh I like your hair" or "Your hair looks different, did you get it cut, I like it," and such. But this one person, who shall remain nameless, said, and I quote "what did you do to your hair," almost like I had dyed it pink, cut it into a mohawk and then fogot to comb it. I was thinking I had something in it. So I told her "I combed it, what did you do to YOUR hair" (cause her hair is all stiff and shit) and then bounced a quarter on it and it shot back and hit me in the eye.

And that my friends is why I'll never win the lotto....

OK I'm kidding, I didn't do that, I just mumbled that I got it cut and colored and walked away like the fool. I'll get mine one day though, don't you worry!

Every Morning

This is how I feel every morning at about 9:05.

Use Your Booty Like a Magic Wand

Wave it around - wave it around.

I thought in honor of this Happy Valentine's Day we could all have a laugh with the

Pre-date Confidence Builder

Some of these are better than others, but I laughed at almost all of them. I esp. love when he says "Where are you? Oh, you just turned on your side!"

We Like to Party We Like We Like to Party

You thought this posting was gonna be about a party didn't you? Well it's not, but that song was going through my head and I had to write it to get it out. You know the song, we like, we like to party. And then the girl sings and you can't really understand what she's saying, but it's something like "the something something's jumping, the something something's pumping, New York to San Franciso, and inter city disco." Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!

Anyway, I'm here to report a clean sweep by U2 last night at the Grammy's. Just as I predicted. They are the "golden boys" of rock right now - they can't do anything wrong. Boy I bet they didn't expect this when they put out Pop and everyone boo'ed and everyone laughed. Well ya know what? They all laughed at Christopher Columbus when he said the world was round. Well Ho Ho Ho, who has the last laugh now? And Eric Clapton, who beat them in 1992 for Album of the Year, well what is he doing? Yeah, he's in Cream. And you know who goes to see them? OLD people!

OK that wasn't very nice. But I don't know any young-in's who go to see Cream. Do you? Besides, their tickets are priced for Old People. Hahahaha!

Back to the Grammy's - I thought they were way too long. It was past 11 and I was waiting up to see if U2 would win Album of the Year and they kept bringing people out to talk, more singers, more performers. Then they had Queen Latifah talk about Richard Pryor cause they had this "In Memorium" section and they showed all the people in music who died last year. And then at the very end they had this picture of Richard Pryor and I thought in my head "did he release some music I didn't know about?" Why would they have that there? In any case, they finally cut through the crap and presented the award, which U2 won, but then they were accepting their award and I believe someone else was going to speak after the Edge and they turned the cameras off them and went to some dude talking about Hurrican Katrina. Dissed! Dissed by the Grammy's! I wonder if Bono will try to coerce them into making a donation to debt relief in Africa to make up for this injustice! (HAHAH)

So no one has told me who they would want to be with if they could only take one person on the deserted island. What gives people? Are you not visiting Dude, WTF because of the infrequent posts? I'm trying to do better, honest I am! Give it up peeps, give it up!

George-ism for the Day Part II

My friend Lisa sent me George Carlin's New Rules for 2006. I'm not even sure these are originally from George Carlin, but I had to share this one because you KNOW I agree with it!

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

However - I have to share this one with you too, because I laughed so hard I almost spit my coffee (not from Starbucks) out, because it's TRUE! He's not cheese!

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese.

Island Trivia

OK - if you were stranded on a desert island, and there could only be one other person with you, who would you want it to be? And don't be naming some supermodel, cause you can only do that for so long, then you have to actually talk to that person for as long as you both live!

I know who I would take, but I'm not telling until some other peeps do first!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME - PEANUT BUTTER JELLY AND A BASEBALL BAT!!!!!!

New Tax Form

I got this in an email this morning at about 10 a.m. and I'm still chuckling about it....

P.S.

I Wish I Could Quit You!

How Does This Happen?

I'd like to know how someone could be so dumb. Someone who is smart enough to connive other people, runs his own communications firm, and direct corporate leaders through crisis doesn't "think" he has to pay taxes when he wins a million dollars?

I have one thing to say about this here article.

Dude, WTF???

I Wish I Could Quit You

OK Everyone! That movie Brokeback Mountain Came out and I was all watching the previews for 40 weeks cause it seemed like they were advertising it forever before it started. Now the previews are still going, and they are like "Nominated for 5 Golden Globes" or whatever they were nominated for, and they are STILL showing it all the time. And each and everytime I see it I hear the words "I wish I could quit you." So now, each time someone mentions that movie I say out loud "I wish I could quit you," in the best Jake Gyllenhal voice I can muster. Ask my roomate - I think she's getting a little god damned sick of it. I said it four times last night, then someone came in and asked me if I wanted to go to the movies and I said "Brokeback Mountain, I wish I could quit you" and they said "No thank you, I don't want to see a movie about cowboys backpacking." But come on now - that girl from Dawson's Creek is in it. Not Katie, the other one, what's her name???

Speaking of Mountains....

Sexy Then?

Hey Dudes! My friend Kelly sent this over from People.com - it's about what was Sexy in 1985 and what's sexy now, and guess who is on it as being sexy then AND now? My friend, the man I touched, Bono. And although I'm here bragging about it, I do think we all need to recognize the mullet was not sexy. Oh, and the pic they use - they could find better, but I digress, he made the list!!!

Click here to view!

Peppermint Bliss

Alright people, don't get jealous. You might have a cutie in your family, but I have a cutie in my family who has control over the biggest piece of peppermint I have ever seen. Yes folks, that is a real candy cane sitting next to my cousin Madeline, and I am fairly certain that the cane is still intact. If you have any big projects in the next few months which require the delicious peppermint bliss seen here, let me know. I can probably arrange something for you. If not, looks like someone I know will be eating peppermint sprinkles on their ice cream until the end of the Bush Administration. Which, by the way, Channel 2 falsely reported was halfway over. We should be so lucky - we still have three years of that idiot left. Let's see how high gas can go people, ROCK ON and put some money in daddy's pocket, baby needs another martini, high ball, old fashion and case of Heineken (just another night...)