Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The Lotto

I just read that the winners of the $365 million Powerball Jackpot came forward and it was eight workers at a ham factory in Nebraska. Now how cool is that? You chip in on a ticket and actually win against the odds? I just think it's so cool, cause now instead of giving a shitload of money to just one person, a whole GROUP of people are going to have a better life. Except for the one from the Congo. How did he get to stay over here dude...I can't get a Canadian into the US but you can come here from the Congo? OK Just kidding....

Anyway, I was supposed to win the MegaMillions again last night but something must have gone awry cause today on my way to work I saw that the jackpot went up to $205 million or something and according to my calculations I was supposed to win $165 million or something on accounta I have been so nice and friendly to everyone at work lately. Maybe the Lord can see that it's just a ruse, that I'm being nice but behind some people's backs I'm like 'Man, they need to learn to park their car, don't they know what those yellow lines are for?' But it's true dude, the parking lot looked like a war zone this morning, cars everywhere. I'm surprised the Peace Garden out back was intact, I think some of these people just pull into the lot with their eyes shut.

So anyway, the five bucks I spent on lotto tickets the other day was for not, but I am going to get more if I remember. Sometimes I forget things, and then when someone from Queens wins the jackpot I get mad. But I can't complain unless I have a ticket, which is exactly what happened last time. I got a nice ticket, and someone from Queens won. Queens! Why are all the lotto winners from Queens?? Does Yolanda Vega have some relatives down there or somethin'??

Did I tell you all that I got my haircut finally? Well I did, and it was long overdue thank you very much. One thing though. When I came to work on Tuesday people were like "Oh I like your hair" or "Your hair looks different, did you get it cut, I like it," and such. But this one person, who shall remain nameless, said, and I quote "what did you do to your hair," almost like I had dyed it pink, cut it into a mohawk and then fogot to comb it. I was thinking I had something in it. So I told her "I combed it, what did you do to YOUR hair" (cause her hair is all stiff and shit) and then bounced a quarter on it and it shot back and hit me in the eye.

And that my friends is why I'll never win the lotto....

OK I'm kidding, I didn't do that, I just mumbled that I got it cut and colored and walked away like the fool. I'll get mine one day though, don't you worry!


PWH said...

This is why you won't win the lottery (and why I won't either):
-You would likely give some to charity like WNY Susan Komen.
-You have all your teeth and speak English quite well.
-You don't live in a trailer.
-You won't run out and spend it on flashy cars, new houses, etc. (well maybe some).
-You won't be stupid with it.

I have a theory that only those who are truly selfish win the lottery.


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