Pop Goes the Weasel

OK - I just got this foward sent to me which must be shared.

"An operations manager for Jack in the Box was late for a meeting and called his boss to tell him he was running late. As he was leaving the voice mail message, he witnessed an accident and went on to provide "play by play" of the incident. This is the actual voice mail message. It was forwarded so many times within Jack in the Box, it crashed their voice mail server."

Click here to listen (it starts out slow but gets much better, just keep listening!)

It's just good stuff.

Sonsabitches!

So last week, after I posted that picture of Michael, I looked at some porn here at work, then I had to clean out my cookies. Whilst doing so, I cleaned out my sign in information for Blogger. So yesterday I tried to login and post something and entered my info and Dude, WTF wasn't coming up so I could edit it. I was very confused. I became convinced that something wasn't showing up on my computer and began spewing obscenities about Microsoft Internet Explorer and how they were trying to F me! So today I tried again and nothing. I went to Jeffrey's computer and tried there. Nothing. Jeffrey says "Do you have more than one login?"

Silence.

Yeah Yeah Yeah, I DO have more than one I guess - I just didn't know it cause I'm a retard. So if I ever forget, remind me that my username is notoriouslav! And then call me a reet right to my face cause I deserve it.

Work has been really, busy lately, I seem to be getting a ton of stuff handed to me. I sure wish I had some monkey intern here to hand the stuff to them, then I could put my feet up, sip a hawaiian punch and relax. But I digress.

Monday night I was to attend a roller hockey game at the Pepsi Center but I forgot about it until about 7 p.m. that night, when it was starting. And boy, am I mad. I found out from Ryan that they had what is called a "Bench Clearing Brawl." Is everyone out there familiar with this? I had to repeat the phrase to myself a few times before I mastered it, and now it's right up there at the top of the charts of things I like to say, right there with "That's what I'm talkin' bout" and "I nearly pissed myself." Try to use it in a sentance today, it's fun.

Anyway, back to the brawl. I guess the opposing team was starting some crap with Kevin (W - the daddy) and Ryan's team and the opposing team's GOALIE got in on the brawl, which I hear NEVER happens. So then everyone from the opposing team was off the bench so everyone from Kevin and Ryan's team got off their bench and it was every man for himself, they were all pairing off, except for the case of a man that was being held down by Kevin and some other player, who Ryan considered skating over to, but then realized to himself "what was I going to do, kick him?" I told him he should have given him the wet-willy. The best part about the brawl was that everyone in the Pepsi Center came running over and was staring through the glass to check it out, even the figure skaters! Isn't that exciting? If I had been there I would have been beating my fists on the glass and yelling CRUSH THEM or something very cuthroat. I will be attending their next game on July 11th so if you know any other cuthroat sayings please let me know and I will cross my fingers for another brawl, then use those sayings. I must say - violence is the best when it's used for my entertainment. Otherwise I have no use for it....

I found the funniest freaking blog today - so funny that I wanted to STEAL stuff and post it here (like I wrote it myself). But that is just wrong! So what I'm gonna do is post the addy here so you can visit this blog and see for yourself what I was laughing about. Do it, do it, do it (picture me saying that like Ben Stiller did in Starsky and Hutch.)

The Casual Friday

So does anyone else share the opinion that Tom Cruise has gone a little bit crazy cakes? I like him, and I want to see his new movie, but the whole Katie Holmes thing still has me scratching my head, and the man needs to seriously, seriously chat with his publicity rep (his sister) who should inform him that going on TV shows and talking about how you know more than DOCTORS do about depression and medication and challenging the interviewer and jumping up and down on sofas going haaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaa and scaring Oprah just ain't good. That's the kind of shit that'll get ya labeled Crazy Cakes by LoriV. Well, almost all that stuff - scare Oprah all you want, I have no use for that POS.

Oh, and I wanted to include a photo to break up all this text but I don't have any new pictures of the baby or anything good to post so you are getting the old standby - Bono sereneding me with "With or Without You" and me yelling at him because I don't like that song that much. (I like it a little, not a lot. Let's put it this way, if I never heard it again I'd be OK. And no, you cannot call me a non-fan cause I don't like one song. 50 million U2 fans CAN be wrong.)

AND finally - I learned that with MSN Messanger you can play games like Wheel of Fortune and Mahjong, in addition to chatting, and I LOVE it! You should all download it! Version 7.0 is where it's at!

Out.

(I tricked you when I told you I looked at porn, didn't I? DIDN'T I? Mooohaaaa)

Conversations with Michael

Welcome Baby Madeline

Here is Baby Madeline Sophia at 10 days old!

Life's Lesson's Learned

Cheryl's First Day of Summer Vacation with Baby Jack!

by Cheryl B. (the mother)

I decided after Jack's afternoon nap and BATH to take him with me to the landscaping place. I had to return a dead plant and buy a new one and it was such a nice day yesterday. I was feeling great and Jack was in a wonderful mood! So at the store the guy tells me to go outside and mill around for a new plant. I took Jack with me (in my arms) and he was getting heavy. There was NO WAY I was going to put my little man into one of those DIRT FILLED carts. I found the plant I wanted and bent down to look at the price. As I did so I set Jack down. Now, before I go any further I must tell you that the whole ground was bone dry (except for 2 little mud puddles). So I turn my head to look at the price and then look back at Jack................who is now sitting his tiny butt in the DIRTY mud puddle. He was soaked and dirty!!!!! He continued to splash around and play. I could no longer carry him all wet and dirty, so there I was begging the one year old to please hold my hand. On the way home he had to sit on a blanket or else his carseat would be full of mud. And that leaves us yesterday to bath number 2! Nice huh? Moral of the story - Use the DIRT FILLED carts that the nursery provides!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now you all know how I speak of Baby Jack - do you think he's really capable of this? He's so cute and loveable and good!

I shant believe it!

And I'm not sure of the nursery she went to but for a nursery it doesn't sound very child friendly...

Walking CLUE Board

So check out the link below and view this photo and caption on Yahoo. (I would have posted the pic here but Yahoo is f-n with me and won't let me save the photo as a JPG. They thought they'd try to keep me down!)

After you click and view, click your back button and get back to my blog!

Creepiest Man Ever Who The Thought Of His Existence Will Keep You Up At Night

My friend Ryan has this to say about the young Canadian lassy. Just you try and disagree!




"That guy was a walking Clue boardgame...he had the pipe, gun, knife, rope, and candlestick all on him at once....no need to investigate this one!"

Alms for the Poor!

Maybe beggars SHOULD be choosers!

I received an email today regarding an upcoming auction to benefit the scholarship fund for PRSA, which I am a member of. Here is the basic info (edited of course - because who has time to read all this crap.) BTB, my favorite part is in bold!

For the past several years PRSA Buffalo/Niagara has held a silent auction at the Excalibur awards dinner. Proceeds support our May C. Randazzo Scholarship for college juniors and seniors planning a public relations career.

Our primary source of funding is the silent auction. Since the auction is so important to the success of this event, we are asking for your help in donating auctions items.

Last year items donated included a week at a condo in St. Augustine, Florida; UB Distinguished Speaker Series tickets; tickets to the BPO, Darien Lake, Shea's and other culturals; gift baskets, wine, a day of golf, spa day, clothing, and other great items.

If you don't work for a firm that can donate an item, take a look at gifts you may have received for a birthday, seasonal celebration or other event that you can "re-gift" (we have no shame!)


OK so here is where I burst out laughing. They are actually encouraging us to give our leftover crap? Should I email them back and let them know that my dad is having a garage sale next week with "Rock Bottom" pricing? Maybe they'll head over for some of his used shit...

I was thinking of finding the dumbest thing I could find on this earth and donating it. Have you received something so stupid, meaningless and downright awful that it pained you to open it and pained you more to have to pretend you liked it? Well, you just let me know because I can donate it to this auction, then I'll have the JOY of seeing it displayed out on the Chinese auction table with no tickets in the basket - mabye that'll teach them shame.

Tag This

Before you go tagging me, I'm already done....

1.) Total number of books I have owned:

Does this include children’s books? Cause LoriV was a big-time freakazoid over the Babysitter Club and Sweet Valley High (and Twins) books, so I had about 250 right there. And Little House on the Prairie, that’s the ticket. And Nancy Drew, can’t forget that bitch. Made me wonder who the person whodunit was for 200 pages when I knew the secret was in the old chest all along.

So that is a lot. I guess I’d have to say about 900. Add the above, the random RL Steins, the stupid school books, and all the books I keep buying now and never reading, I’m way up there.

2.) The last book I bought:

I purchased two books in the same shot from Amazon to save on the price. One was U2 & I by Anton Corbin, U2’s photographer for the past 20 years. Great book, but really pricey, so I can’t see a lukewarm fan buying it. They can borrow mine, but don’t touch it, your fingers have destructive oils.

I also bought Conversations with Bono, written by a lucky bastard who got to sit with Bono and conversate with him about everything and anything. Jerk.

3.) The last book I read:

The last book I read was Conversations with Bono, but I’m still reading it.

The last book I read to completion was a cheesy Sandra Brown novel that I finished in one night cause I was bored. It was probably called Heaven's Wish or Temptation's Kiss. I wish I could tell you I read something really important or meaningful instead of a tale of a 28 year old, gorgeous, successful, business woman who just happens to be a virgin but then meets the man of her dreams who at first she doesn’t like, but then she falls for him. And to tell you the God’s honest truth, I read this book and another book by Sandra Brown in the same week and they BOTH had that plotline!

4.) Five books that mean a lot to me:

Let me preface by saying that Carl’s list had all these insightful books – some classics, a book of poems. Being that I was in the retard English Class we didn’t have to read the classics, so I have gone my entire life without reading Catcher in the Rye, To Kill a Mockingbird and For Whom the Bell Tolls. So I don’t have a big list of books that I particularly think MEAN anything to me, just ones that I like.

They are (and in no order)

U2 - At the End of the World: The best U2 biography written (it follows them from the recording of Achtung Baby to the completion of the ZooTV Tour, from 1990-1994.) It’s my standby book – if I don’t have anything else to read I bring this on vacation. I’ve read it at least 10 times. Rock on Bill Flanagan!

Little House on the Prairie - Farmer Boy: My favorite in the series, the story of young Almanzo Wilder growing up in the Dakotas and getting his first calf. I did a book report on this book I loved it so much. Rock on Laura Ingalls Wilder!

Forever: Now if you didn’t read this I’m not sure how you knew about, um, you know what! Rock on Judy Blume!

The Partner: The first John Grisham book I ever read – and one that I thought was so good I couldn’t bear to put it in garage sale fodder. You rock on John – rock on for staying on the shelf for two years!

Becoming a Public Relations Writer: Who knew I’d put a school book on this list – but it was really good and I still refer to it when I’m stuck. Plus I give it to the interns from the school that shall not be named when I need them to write something. The school rhymes with Felicious.

5. Tag five people and have them fill this out on their blogs:

No No, it's OK cause I'm not going to tag you. If you want to fill it out, rock on!

ALDI?

Why yes, those are the Mr. Potato Head Glasses.

And yes, that is some drool on his chin. He really enjoyed the sale prices!

The Polls Are Open

Consider it early November - the polls are now open for votes on what to refer to John Stevens as. This is a result of a very unhappy visitor who left this comment.

"There's only one rosey cheeked bastard and its not the American Idol loser!!The rosey cheek bastard I'm talking about works at the one & only Store 87!How DARE you put that name on someone else.I'll let it go this time, but please find a new name for Mr. Stevens."

I have to admit, I did steal the rosy cheeked bastard name from the rosy cheeked bastard at Store 87, Wegman's Losson Road. But I didn't do it to offend, I had no idea it was Trademarked. I apologize.

So you all let me know what I need to start calling that chucklehead from now on, cause I'm certainly not going to refer to him as anything positive. Unless I call him "The 3rd Place Loser."

Really, No Need for a Title

So I learned from J that when you do a Google search for Appreciate the Cheese, the first search result is Carl’s blog. Carl's response upon hearing this was, and I quote,

"I won’t be satisfied until it’s the first thing that comes up when you search for “Crazy Fuck!”

Enough said I say!

Hosed at the SPoT!

This morning I toted my cookies all the way down to the SPot Coffee on Delaware and Chippewa because we were going to talk about the Race for the Cure on the Spot 2 Be - which airs live at 6:15. So there I am, 6:05 in the morning, searching for a place to park where the meter lady won't hose me. So I pull up to the joint and don't I see that rosy cheeked bastard from American Idol, old Carrot Top himself, John Stevens, walking in the door with his pasty faced friend. OK to be fair his friend wasn't pasty faced, he looked kind of normal. And of a normal weight compared to this Stevens kid - his jeans must have been purchased in the boys department.

So I learned there were three events they were promoting that morning - ours, something at St. Mary's School for the Deaf and something at Williamsville HS, hence the rosy cheeked crooner. We were first. Rock on! We had to stand off to the side because there were so many of us and I had to leave my purse away from me, which is not something I do very often. If I ever lose my purse, I'm nailed, so I always like to keep it at the ready. So I put it down on a chair with my keys and my morning copy of the Buffalo News. I like to buy it at least twice a month, seeing as I write it off as a business expense each year. But I digress.

My purse is the chair and I notice the Stevens boy is very close to it. We were standing very close together and I whispered to Kristen, "bastard better not try any funny business." I mean, he's nice and all, whatever, but it's a nice purse. Plus, he's probably used to getting free stuff. Luckily he didn't try anything. He did his little interview and he was only there as a pawn, he had to defer to his friend to do all the talking about the event. He was just there for some red eye candy!

So anyway, while he seemed nice and didn't steal my purse, the moral of the story is trust NO ONE! You never know when they might decide to go crazy and steal your phony purse.

And if you are a Steven's fan, I do apologize for calling him a rosy cheeked bastard - it just fit. He might be very sweet and kind and normal. But you didn't see him giving the ADULTS any autographs, did ya???

Mooooooohaaaaaaaa......