Monday, February 25, 2008

Jack Russell

A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa , taking his faithful, elderly Jack Russell named Killer, along for the company.

One day the old Jack Russell starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Jack Russell thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old Jack Russell exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old Jack Russell nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old Jack Russell sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that somet hing must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old Jack Russell sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Jack Russell says...

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard !

Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

What's with her?

Not much going on today, but I was watching CNN before and thinking "what in the hell is with that Ann Coulter?" Every time that harpie opens her mouth, mine falls to the table in disbelief of what she says. Someone please tell me - what's up with her??? What exactly does she want, besides Ronald Reagan back in office?

In other news - the U2 3D movie is now open across the country. Except here, when it opens February 22 at the Regal Transit Imax. I will be there on the 22nd with bells on. Don't know about U2 in 3D you say? Why click here for more information! I am wondering if the 3D glasses they give you are going to resemble Bono's Fly Shades from the ZooTV tour. A girl can dream can't she?

Lost is on tonight - very exciting. And Survivor, which at least fills 30 minutes before Lost starts.

Oh Oh - very exciting - Jane Fond dropped the C-Bomb on the Today Show. I'm sad to say I didn't see Meredith Viera's reaction, but I bet it was quite a delight to watch once the camera's stopped rolling. Meredith came on a half hour later to apologize to viewers for the offensive word. I bet Matt Lauer is PISSED that he had off today for his laryngitis. That's like the time I was on vacation and I came back and they had shit canned one of the VPs. Boy was I mad to have missed it. I got over it once I got a bigger office out of the deal though.


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Dumbest. Women. Ever

So I was listening to the radio this morning. A station I don't normally listen to, but one that I flicked on cause I was flipping through. I won't say the station, nor will I say the DJs names, but here is a clue. There are three people on this station's morning show, two boys and one girl. The girl has been on a LOOOONG time. The boys, not so long, but long enough. One boy left and then came back after a one year absense. That boy is OK. The one boy is the biggest idiot you'd ever meet and he acts like he's the second coming of Christ when you are out at an event and he's "DJing." Anyway, here is how their conversation went.

Girl on Radio: "Has Barack chosen his running mate?"
Me: "No you effing jackass because the primaries aren't over, so unless Hillary drops out he can't choose a running mate yet. You are a member of the "media," shouldn't you know this?" (This is in my head of course.)
Guy on Radio: "Um, no, not yet."
Girl on Radio: "Oh, I just think it would be so cool if he chose Oprah and then she'd be the vice president, she'd do such a great job."
Me: (In head again.) "OMG did that effing idiot just say what I think she said?"
Guy on Radio: "Um, yeah, OK."

At this point it gets fuzzy because I was so flabbergasted thinking "that woman neesd to have her arms ripped off and to be beaten wtih the bloody stumps because she is so god-damned stupid."

How in the name of God's green earth would someone deduce that Oprah's years on Television have made her qualified her to be the 2nd in Command of the COUNTRY??? Now if this asshole had said "Oh, it would be cool for Oprah to run for Mayor" I'd be like Yeah, go nutz, run for Mayor, run Chicago. Or even Governor, which is a stretch. But VP? WTF dude, VP? When will people get out of Oprah's ass?

I'm supposing if Oprah would be a great VP, then Geraldo Rivera would do a bang up job as Secretary of State. And Sally Jessy - she seems smart, let's make her Secretary of Education. And I know Alec Baldwin is good at fighting, maybe he can be the US Attorney General. Forget experience and credentials - it's all about STAR POWER!

My point is this. If you are in the media, think before you open your mouth. Have some facts to back up your stupid ass thoughts before they come out.....