Tuesday, April 22, 2008

News From the Parking Lot

Yesterday while I was walking into Wegmans I overheard a conversation between two of the fine "helping hands" associated.

Cart Boy 1: "Dude, would you rather get hit by a car, or shot."

Me: (in my head) "WTF?"

You're MY Top GUN

Seriously, who has the stones to wear this?

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Dustin Diamond. Still an Asshole

So I've been watching that Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp on VH1. Same premise as CFC, but they meet on weekends at a "camp" and they stay overnight. So I see this season that Dustin Diamond is back. I can't figure it out because last season he was miserable and he kept leaving, then finally his whole team wouldn't talk to him. In any case, he's back and pledging his allegiance to the team and pledging to work hard. Of course Harvey doesn't believe it. With good reason. Effing Screech is up to his same crap, pulling muscles in his legs, back, neck, arms, anywhere he has them. Falling on the ground saying he can't breathe, and then complaining verbosely when anyone points it out to him "don't attack me, don't attack me." I must have missed it, but Harvey said something to him about Jewish people and Dustin was calling his attorneys and threatening to shut down production because Harvey committed a federal crime. On Sunday's episode he pussed out again on a challenge and didn't participate in a portion of the workout cause "he was winded." So Harvey gets on his case and oh, guess what? Back on the phone with his "manager," who is also his girlfriend (see, he can only get laid by paying someone.) He goes and weighs in, him and Harvey get into a fight (well really Harvey just bitched at him with good reason) and Dustin leaves and calls the "manager" to say he's done, he's leaving.

Previews for next week show Dustin is back. Wanna know why?

Screech got no money
Screech got no job
Screech need to pay his manager somehow, so he needs to stick it out (or he'll lose his job. And his lady.)

Jive ass fool ain't got no brains anyhow.

In other news, Bret Michael's picked his Rock of Love - Ambre - on Sunday night's finale. I insisted from the very beginning that Ambre (normally pronounced AM-BER but pronounced by Lori as OHMM-BRAY), was older than she was letting on, and sure enough, I was right. Who cares though, at least Bret can have a conversation with her without getting punched in the eye. That Daisy couldn't keep her hands still when she was talking, it was like she was a freaking mime or something.

Tonight is the big finale of "The Biggest Loser." Someone directed me to a Blog that had a Q&A with Dan on it and then it had comments. Seems I'm not the only one who thought that asshole was a cocky son-of-a-bitch. But some people blame the "other blue team members for being bad influences." He's 21 years old - and responsible for his own actions. No one made him make the statements that he's smarter than everyone else at the ranch, stronger than all the girls, etc. etc. Anyway, he could come back tonight and lost 200 lbs and it wouldn't change the fact that he's a very large piece of shit. I voted for Mark to go to the finale cause I'm hoping a girl will win. How much you wanna bet if Mark wins America's Vote he'll start crying? Any takers?

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

The Biggest Losers. Seriously - Losers

OK OK, so I'm addicted to the Biggest Loser, I'll admit it. But could they have recruited a bigger bunch of babies than they recruited this season? Each week the people are crying their eyes out over this, that, the other thing. I gained a pound, wah wah wah, I lost 5 lbs, wail wail wail, I can't believe I lost 80 lbs, I'm going to start sobbing like a little bitch with a skinned knee. And it's not the woman. Oh, no my friend, it's the MEN! Prompting my friend to write to me this morning with "Ok, enough of the crying guys on that show...It's getting painful to watch."

I couldn't agree more, except I thought it was painful four weeks ago when that whole "PRIDE ON 3" BS started up. WTF? Do they know how stupid they look?

Do you think Dan has any clue that he's the biggest wanker this side of the International Dateline (AKA the entire world)???

Do the American viewers know that him standing next to Allison (the hostess) was probably the closest he's ever gotten to a human breast?

Does anyone else see the resemblance to Chris Griffin from Family Guy?

And Mark, what a GD Baby! Seriously, I'm surprised his brother didn't bring along a pack of Pampers for that hairy backed Mary. I don't think he can do a workout, fill his water bottle, take a walk or make a phone call without busting out in tears. Buck up dude. Did you lose your balls when you lost the 100 lbs? Or is your wife carrying them in her purse????

Now Where Could I Wear This?