Well folks, I have been summoned for Grand Jury duty on Monday. I was very excited about this, as I have been waiting to be called for a jury for some time. Then it kicked in. I just started a new job, I’m still learning a bunch of stuff, and it’s super busy in the Fall. It’s just not a good time. Can’t they call me in April when everyone goes to Florida? In any case, I started thinking of ways to get out of the duty. Not that I think any will work, but a girl can dream.
The following have been mulled over:
-Enter the court room chanting “FERGUSON, FERGUSON, FERGUSON.”
-Break out a Limburger cheese sandwich for breakfast. (Sandwich will not actually be eaten, that’s gross.)
-Wear my t-shirt that says "YourFace, 6 Million People Dislike This."
-Ask the clerk where they keep the Keurig.
-Tell the judge any of the following:
· If they arrested him, he must be guilty.
· What time do you meet until? I normally nap at 1 p.m.
· Is break time at 11? That’s when The Price is Right is on.”
-Read a book entitled “Litigious America, How Unnecessary Trials are Bankrupting America.” No such book exists, but I thought I could make a fake cover in Word or Publisher, print it out and tape it over a real book.
-Talk loudly with my neighbor about how I’ve been watching a LOT of Law & Order and that I feel I could prosecute the case myself.
I already know your thoughts. You know I’m too chicken to pull any of these off so I’ll just go in there, answer the questions and pray that they give us breaks to fill my coffee mug.