OK so this is a big three day weekend, and inevitably everyone asks "got any big plans?" You know, that loser at work who has big plans and wants to share them with you and says "got any big plans" with a big old shit eating grin on their face and a chuckle whilst they pull up their pants by the belt. Trouble is that I don't have a 'full weekend' like this loser who asks.
Let me clarify by saying that I'm not complaining, as there are certainly things I can do at home. Like introduce my bathtub to a little solution called "Comet," or treat the carpet to a visit from the "vaccuum." But I know when I get back to work on Tuesday I'll get the "Oh, wasn't the weather so GOOOOOORGEOUS, did you do something goooooood?" And I'll be like "Oh, the weather was nice??"
As I live on the "Garden" level apartment, there have been days when it's really nice out and I have no clue. None, whatsoever. There are other days when it rains and the only reason I know is cause I can hear it. We can't keep the blinds open (you know, in case of peeping Toms) and sometimes I just don't look outside, or go outside all day. I mean, it's it really that bad to have an Alias Marathon? (I haven't done that, but it is in the plans eventually.)
I am writing about this here because I need a good way to comment back to people on why I didn't do anything. When they give me the shocked look of "OMG you wasted this GOOOOORGEOUS weekend?" what should I say? I was thinking of countering back with "Yeah, the herps really got me down," but then I run the risk of even worse looks than the wasted weather look. Should I just tell all the people who asked to FOAD???
For those who don't know what that means the last three words are Off And Die - you can figure out the F for yourself.
Please feel free to post your suggestions in the comments section below.
7 comments:
You could always say you got so drunk you don't remember...
- From the Brain of J
"I had better things to do inside."
I prefer the simple, indirect, "Oh yes, wasn't the weather beautiful? It was so nice to have three days to relax. I really needed the time to unwind."
If they push you about what EXACTLY you did - tell them heroin.
I feel your pain. Here's my response to that question:
"What am I doing? Nothing for me. In fact, I'm shelling out shitloads of money for a friend of mine who thought it was a good idea to have her wedding on a holiday weekend. Hotels are more expensive, gas is more expensive (not to mention the lines at the pump), the traffic is horrendous, and my dress doesn't fit. Thanks for nothing, for better or worse my ass."
I'm not bitter.
You could say...
During my marathon masturbation session, I realized that my vibrator was not nearly big enough to take care of the job. Ask your wife how that feels; I'm sure she could tell you. Anyway, I went to the adult section at Spenser Gifts and got the KING SIZE vibrator. Took it home, and got busy!
Well Lor,
I have the solution....Your answer when "they" ask...You went out with Kel Sat nite and had a kick ass time - so much so that you can't really recall the rest of it! So many cute boys, not a long enough weekend!!!!!!!
...this idea brought to you by...you can hang with me Sat nite onaccounna I have nothing really going on either, ha! - Mem Day Weekend - Overrated!!!!!!
Lori,
My reply to the people who want to talk about their big holiday picnics is for you to say. "I hear we're expecting some rain, I hope they're right, we could sure use it, by the way did you happen to rent a tent for your BIG PARTY" That should stop them dead in their tracks and keep them from asking again on the 4th of July!
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