Knock Me Over With a Feather

DUDE! WTF!

Look what I found out. Jane told me this morning and I confirmed it at E Online (see the link here)

As my cousin Jason would say, unbelievable.

These two just don't FIT - they just do not fit. It's not even the age difference, it's the whole "Hi, I was on the Dawson's CREEK!"

What is happening around here???

Unbelievable!!!

3rd Grade? I had to forget that to remember last year!

Someone sent me the link below a LONG time ago and I kept it in my favorites. I'm not sure why. I didn't do so well the first time, which was just a crushing blow to my ego. I had just gotten back from a road trip to Las Vegas and had been through so many states I thought, what a cinch. Ha! I guess I saved it so I could do it later on and then feel like a Master of the Universe! But then I felt like a big cheater!

So go here and let me know how things turn out - see if you have Montana and Illinois floating around while the time ticks on!

Can You Pass the Third Grade??

Obviously I couldn't pass the third grade, but in my defense, I counted up the years I've gone to school and I'm up at 21 right now. Did you expect me to remember everything I learned in every year of school, plus remember stuff from work, plus how to type, PLUS all the lyrics to every U2 song in their catalog? I DIDN'T THINK SO! Plus, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm 28 years old. If I am at 21 years of school, that means only 7 of my years were spent school free and frankly, that sucks. Since I was born in November I started when I was 4, and I didn't end until I was 22, then those sweet, sweet three school free years flew right on by. Ahh sweet yesteryears. And just think - I was in school at four and I know some four year olds who aren't even potty trained. Ya see, I was advanced!!!!!

Hell, what am I complaining about, there are people just starting Kindergarden next year. I call those people suckers!

And Then There Was TOOTIE!

OK I get the biggest kick out of this site because it has only been wrong ONE Time and it was for Alias. It guessed Will Tippen when I was thinking of Michael Vaughn. Like I'd ever pick Will over Vaughn. No one puts Vaughn in the corner. Oh, off topic.

So go here.

http://www.smalltime.com/dictator.html

It will either guess the dictator or the TV sitcom character you are thinking of. Don't make the mistake I first did. I thought I would answer questions about myself and it would tell me who I was most like. It gave me someone I never heard of after 100 questions and I was like "how dumb is dis?" But once I realized how it worked I was instantly hooked right in!

You can't stump it! Try Tootie all you want. You won't win! They even got NATALIE! Sickos!

Everyone's Doing It!

So I just got very excited as I went to the one.org site and signed the declaration and looked at the celebs who signed it and now I feel all important. Like I'm hobnobbing with the rich and famous. But not really.

So go here and sign the declaration.

http://www.one.org/index.aspx

Bono did it. Brad Pitt did it. Eddie Veddar did it. Hell, Isaac Hayes did it. Everyone's doing it!

And yes, I looked past Dave Matthews and No Doubt signing it. They just did it for the publicity!

Oh, and I bought a bunch of those crazy bracelets too, if you are reading this chances are I'm going to try to get you to wear one, you know how I jump on board anything Bono is doing.....

Making Me Want to Brew My Own for 10 Years!

Well Well Well - I got back from lunch today and thought, man I could go for some coffee. Since I had a $5 GC from Jack-a-Roo, Jeff and I said "Let's go to Starbucks!" Little did I know that this small trip up the street would turn into a Blog entry - but it has at Jeff's suggestion (his email upon arriving back at work said "I think our Starbucks experience deserves a blog entry… getting served by Mick Jagger, almost getting into a rumble with some low-class ho’s, and witnessing some lewd PDA."

At about 2:30 we set off on our journey, past the security cameras at Underground, past Flappy's Famous Edibles and Elixirs, past a man on the corner of Chippewa and Delaware smoking and wandering. I was tempted to yell "get a job," but I held my tongue.

We get to Stabucks. I'm third in line - it's booming for 2:40 on a Thursday! A man comes out of the toilet and I let him go in front of me - it's only right. I order my venti house, Jeff orders his drink. More people stroll in. The Mick Jagger look alike, hair in his eyes, is feverishly making the drinks. He yells to someone in the back "Can you come out here and help." We wait. We wait more. We keep waiting. Some suit is in there, gets his four drinks and I say to Jeff "no wonder." But that was just the tip of the iceberg - he went to his car and came back for two more trays. I think he was doing the Starbucks run for his entire office. I digress.

Another dude gets their drink. This low-class ho gets her drink, drinks some, shares it with her friend, then goes back up to the counter where Mick is still running around squirting the vanilla and grinding up the beans. She asks for something. At this point I say to Jeff "What the frig dude, she's got her drink and she's still at the counter." Sure I did my best to say it quietly without moving my mouth but to no avail. The other low-calls ho with her looks at me funny. I look at her. Ho number 1 comes back over. Ho number 2 tells her that I said something about her and her drink demands. Ho 1 says "who?" Ho 2 says "her." Ho 1 looks at me. Then asks her friend "her?" Ho 2 looks at me and says back "yeah." Ho 2 looks at me again. At this point I look at her, cock my head to the side and put on the biggest grin I can muster, but one that says very nicely "go fuck yourself your low-class ho." She kind of smiles back and turns around.

Meanwhile, I'm still waiting for my drink. Yes, a venti house. The kind they have brewed and ready to go, that they just put in the cup for you and give you. You know the kind! You get it at Tim Hortons each day, except they give it to you in 10 seconds, not 10 minutes. Mick is really stressing out at this point - and Jeff and I get a special treat as he reveals to another customer that he's been there since 7 a.m. What a trooper! I wonder if the Boy Scouts will be presenting him with his Martyr Badge tomorrow.

So I'm still waiting. Jeff asks me if they are crushing the beans out back. I wonder that too.

More people get their drinks. They are told "sorry for the wait." People are arriving, paying and getting their drinks before I am. Jeff gets his drink. I wait. Low-class ho 2 gets her drink. I wait. Two people who came in after and also got houses are now sitting down in front of us. They hold hands. Because they had one free hand (only one was holding their coffees, which they actually got...) The man who I let go in front of me in line is asking to go BACK into the bathroom. I start to wonder what is up with him.

I say to Jeff "at what point do I go ask?"

"I guess now" he says. I go up to the counter and wait. Mick is really busy cleaning out the blender now. His back is turned. I wait. He turns around and I say "hi, I'm waiting for a Venti House." He turns to the girl and says "Venti House." I look at the girl and she looks at me with this look like "What the F are YOU looking at?" and I say "I'm looking at you bizatch, I ordered a freaking HOUSE a fucking month ago." Well I said that in my head....

So she puts the house in the cup, he puts it on the counter and says sorry for the wait. And you know the tone. It's "sorry for the wait but I'm not THAT sorry since I got here at 7." And I want to say "Son, you don't know from sorry because I'll be coming back here quarter to never and you don't care but I'm sure corporate cares and LoriV got the internet!" But instead I just say "ummhmm."

Here is where I get a bit miffed. Aren't they supposed to upgrade you or something? Or give you a coupon considering you had to wait 20 minutes. Or actually make an attempt to CARE that you had to wait. Because I know they know that Spot is right across the street. So they know they have competition. And not like the workers at Spot are such a treat, but their coffee is a bit better and I don't have to dump half of it out to water it down with many, many ounces of half and half.

So this trip has not only encouraged me to bring in my own coffee pot, but now I'm on this whole mission to take Corporate down! Stupid Starbucks and their stupid expensive coffee. What kind of world do we live in where a Venti House is $1.80. A cold, cruel world, that's what kind of world! And must I be treated badly by low-class hos who give me dirty looks for saying something that isn't even bad, and by workers at Starbucks? I mean, come on - you work at STARBUCKS! Get over yourself.

So now my new motto is "F Starbucks." You can't swing a dead cat in Vegas without hitting a Starbucks, but now I'm on a mission to get Hortons to the West Coast. They need it bad. Who's with me??

Oh, I should also mention on the walk back to CFS the lovebirds from Starbucks passed us on Delaware and they weren't holding hands whilst walking. If they are so in love they can't keep their hands off each other in Starbucks, you'd think they be sucking face on the way home. I say I don't need to PDAs at Starbucks. Jeff says "this isn't the French Riviera - get a room!"

And by the by - this coffee ain't all that!

Blasted Hands!

This is the best shot I ended up with (in all 35 pics I took at the show!) Now if only I had chosen to go to the Freak Show concert, where people had no arms or hands, then my photos would have been a LOT better! But that show is another night....

Is it me, or is Bono looking right at me? Ah yes, mi amor!

Shake Your Bon Bon

Notice the security guards. As if that guy could stop me from getting onstage if I wanted to (and if I could muster the strength after sitting in the sun all day!!!)

Slogan Generator

My cousin just sent me this and something about how it gives me a new Slogan each time I ask for one really makes me smile.

http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi?word=Lori

Give it a whirl - but put your name in instead!!!

Today sucked. Sucked Sucked Sucked. My good, good, good news the Friday before vacation went BYE BYE BYE this morning and all the excitement I had about my job went out the winda with one little email. Stupid Emails! I'm all set for Happy Hour on Friday, who's with me? Anyone else's week sucking already, even though it's only Monday?

I got my pics back from the concert - I have a few decent shots which I'm going to post tomorrow. Most of them are the backs of people's heads, or their hands or arms or both. That is what I get for leaving said designated "good" area before the show would start. Arm shots.

Oh, and remember how I wanted to have a graduation party with a BOUNCE HOUSE? Well sweety irony, I found out my friend and her husband have started their own business - here is the link to their website - http://www.buffalobouncehouse.com/

Now don't you want to open up your house to host my partee??? If you don't, just do me a favor and tell your friends about this site (preferably your friends who have kids or who stole a kid and are having a party for it.)

Happy Tuesday and to take a word from Tiny Tim - God Bless Us Everyone.

Dude, Be Careful

I heard that Larry's face hurts when he smiles, that is why he never does it. But something must have really tickled his fancy because he did here. I bet he saw me in the audience and he couldn't help but smile. HAAAAAA!

Anway, here is the setlist if any of you care. I DO!

Setlist:
Love And Peace Or Else
Vertigo/Stories For Boys (snippet)
Elevation
The Cry
The Electric Co./Send In The Clowns (snippet)/I Can See For Miles (snippet)
An Cat Dubh
Into The Heart
City Of Blinding Lights
Beautiful Day/Blackbird (snippet)
Miracle Drug (this is when I left the area with the Mexicans!)
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
New Year's Day
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Bullet The Blue Sky/The Hands That Built America (snippet)/When Johnny Comes Marching Home (snippet)
Running To Stand Still
Pride (In The Name Of Love)
Where The Streets Have No Name
One

Encore 1
Zoo Station
The Fly
Mysterious Ways

Encore 2:
All Because Of You
Yahweh
40

If You Thought It Was Bad Before...Wait

OK so if you thought I talked about U2 a lot in the past, I have to apologize in advance because it's going to be a LOT worse.

First and foremost - I'm back. The trip was great, the weather in Vegas was awesome and Sara and I went to the strip two nights which was enough for me to get the gaming out of my system. I always like to gamble at the Bellagio but the slots seemed a bit tight this time, so this trip my favorite spot was Caesars. Sara went shoe shopping and I sat down with my $20 at a penny machine (stop laughing) and that last me over an hour. How insane is that?? At one point I got about 35 free spins so I wasn't even playing anything, I was just watching the credits rack up. I called my mom to pass time (haha!)

On Wednesday we left for Arizona at about 9 in the morning. We got lost, but this was pretty exciting, when we found our way to where we had to go we were waiting to get on the highway and a Lamborghini passed us and we think it was Tommy Lee driving it. I didn't see him, but Sara did. I asked if he looked greasy to confirm it. Apparantly he did so I think we hit the nail on the head. (And yes, I did have to look up how to spell Lamborghini.)

The concert was Thursday and I can't stop thinking about it - OMG it was without a doubt one of the best I've ever been to. We got in line at about 9 a.m. with the sun beating down on us. Luckily it went over the building at about 12 so the rest of the day was a bit more bareable, and we met some really nice people in line. I even met people who were bigger freaks that I was, isn't that so exciting?? There were people in front of us and behind us who went to Ireland and did a whole U2 trek, going to the Clarence (which Bono and Edge own), and to the Factory (where they record.) Now I WANT to do that, but I haven't yet. So I am still not as obsessed as others!

They started letting us into the venue at about 6:30 and it kind of sucked because there were two lines, one for the fan club, one for regular General Admission ticket holders, and that line was going faster. So by the time we got to where we were going to stand, there were people who had arrived after us closer to the stage. Plus, we didn't get into the Sacred Circle. We started out about 4 people from Elipse but it was so hot and I was feeling sick so I got out of that section and went up to get water. After Kings of Leon went on I tried getting back to where Sara was, which is quite a feat I don't mind telling you. Everyone thought I was just trying to jam up front and I was telling people "Dude, I know this sucks but I got here at 9 a.m. so cut me some slack." And if that didn't work I just swore and kept pushing. I found some nice Mormons who helped me locate Sara and when the show started and U2 came out onstage I swear I almost peed my pants. I was so freaking excited. They all took a trip around the elipse and I tried taking pics but all that I saw was hands in front of me so I ended up just holding my camera in the air.

They opened with Love and Peace or Else which I wasn't crazy about until now. Something about seeing it live really changes things. Bono was at the front of the Elipse and I'd estimate he was about 10 feet away. They played Vertigo shortly after and the crowd around me went crazy because he was in the same place. Everyone was jumping up and down - I got jockeyed about! Very exciting, except it was too much, I was sweating my ass off and I couldn't take it. Shortly after Elevation (more jumping and a large mexican man behind me was practically attached to my ASS!) I left the area and went up for more to drink. Props to the Glendale Arena for their $4.75 waters - they really know how to f you in the A!

I stayed up above and looked down to watch Where the Streets Have No Name and it was amazing. EVERYONE in that arena was on their feet and the entire floor was jumping up and down. I love that song line and since I got home I've watched it on the Slane video about 10 times. They didn't play With or Without You and I didn't mind one bit - just as long as they got One in there, which they did. The show ended with 40, and the audience was singing along as the band members left the stage. Last one left was Larry who did a drum solo and ran off. I was hoping he'd do a victory lap but no such luck. I found a photo of him and he was actually smiling, which is rare, I think I've seen about four pics in my life of that man smiling.

All in all it was great, and I'm so glad we made the trip. Except now I'm DYING for it to be September when I see them again in Toronto. Yes, it's sad to be wishing the summer away but well, I can't help it!!!! I'm going to post the pic of Larry and if any of mine turn out I'll post them but I'm not so sure. I had one of the Tall Mormons take a picture for me since he was about 6'5" and had a better vatage point. Hopefully I won't have a million hands in front of them. And let's all praise Jesus that the Mexican was behind me!!!

You Can Find Me In the Club

That 50 cent song is going through my head, but I have to be honest, that title is not true at all. I'm so freaking tired!! We got to Vegas yesterday morning at 10:09 - our flight left Buffalo at 5:30 and by yesterday at 12 I was MISERABLE!! I took a nap and I was still miserable. Last night we went to Green Valley Ranch and I was playing this Wild Cherry Machine and it finally hit me. Not only did I get up super early, and have to deal with the whole three hour time change, but I'm still not switched over in my head from daylight savings time. So I'm pretty sure my body was thinking "it's 2:30 a.m. what are you doing at this stupid machine." I must say though, $20 lasted me for a whole 40 minutes of gaming. Now that is just rare my friends.

We went to see where Dale and Liz's house is going and to look at the model - it's gorgeous. I can't wait until it's built. It's funny though, cause they showed me where it was going to be built and it didn't seem a like a house would fit in the space. The houses here are crazy crazy close together, and when we were looking at the one model you could look out the window and see people in next door's model. I guess they are really trying to save room. That or they are running out of rocks to put between the houses...grass costs too much!

Is it bad that it's 12:44 and I'm ready for a nap?? hahah!

Slap Your Co-Worker Day

Today is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday

Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't give a damn about?

Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you?

Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty, you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch?

Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it?

Well, on behalf of Ike Turner, I am so very very glad to officially announce today as

SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY!

Here are the rules you must follow:

*You can only slap one person per hour - no more.
*You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.
*You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant.
*No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.
*CURSING IS MANDATORY! After you have slapped the recipient, your "assault" must be followed with something like "cause I'm sick of your stupid-a$$ always messing up stuff!"
*If questioned by a supervisor [or police, if the supervisor is the irritant], you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE!

Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping.....and have a great day!

Is This So Wrong?

I just took a Longevity test online. Not saying it's completely accurate as you know how you can fib on this (the FBI ain't looking over my shoulder for crying out loud) but if it is, I'm not happy. According to this site:

http://www.nmfn.com/tnetwork/longevity_game_popup.html

I'll be living til the ripe old age of 83. Upon learning this I wrote back to the person who sent it to me with this response.

"I cannot take 55 more years of this shit."

Yeah Yeah, life is great, life is to be treasured, but 55 years of dealing with people's crap? And 37 of those years will be at work!

I say you all go check out how long you're going to live and let me know if you are happy with the results...

Google Me This Batman

So my friend Jeffrey tried to get to my Blog at his work and the site was blocked for "Adult Content." So I started thinking about what I had posted and how it was Adult. I know I swear a lot but I didn't think I did THAT much within these pages. So then I started thinking - one of my most recent posts was about the MV/JG Porn (Erotica.) So I was thinking, maybe that is what made it Adult. THEN I was thinking, what if you googled "Michael+Vartan+Porn" - would Dude, WTF pop up? I still haven't tried it yet, but maybe one of my readers would like to do the honors. While you are doing that please try to google "Bono+Porn" and send me any hits, that would be wunderbar!

The highlight of today (so far) was that it was Bagel Day at the Idylwood Resorts. There were many people flocking to the clubhouse for their free bagels and coffee and the man behind me in line was in some big ass hurry, and when I said "Do you want to go on ahead" he just didn't even acknowledge me. Then his friend came over to him and started talking - and it wasn't English. It wasn't French and it wasn't Spanish. It almost sounded Slavik but lord knows, I've never been to Slav.

Heehee!

Did anyone watch Lost last night? Boone died, dude, wtf! Why did they have to kill him off, I liked him? Couldn't they get rid of his whore sister instead I ask you?? Lost is brought to you compliments of the same man that brought us Alias and you already know that I feel he is hepped up on Goofballs, so that explains a lot about why Boone had to be killed off. JJ Abrams, I don't think I like you anymore (although you did a fine job of including MV in more than three scenes in last night's Alias...)

Happy Thursday to You!!

Are You Gonna Go My Way?

So it's amazing how a little Lenny Kravitz can brighten the end of the day. I was just starting to fade and now I'm jamming. And so what if people walking the hall are looking at me funny - let them look. They are just jealous that they don't have these fine quality Altec Lansing speakers. (Yah right, like I know what that means...)

OK so I'm taking this course which begins in April to prepare me for the APR exam which I guess I'll take after I'm done with the course. Well I went to this APR Intro and when they passed out the information I must have glossed over the part where it said that "the cost to take the exam is $335." What the hell was I thinking? I think I was thinking that work would pay for it. I bet they would agree to that, but they'd take it out of my salary. HA! Anyway, I guess I'm going to still take the course but it's almost like school. It's a review of all this PR information, including history (snoozefest) and well, that's gonna kind of suck. Then I take a test. Well that is going to suck too. I don't think I was thinking about it thoroughly when I went to the Intro class. But how can I back out now when I agreed to host the review classes at my work? What was I thinking??? I DON'T KNOW! This is just as much a mystery as when Pee Wee lost his bike but bought a pen at the exact time it was stolen! What's the significance? He didn't know either!!!

So three more days until I leave for Vegas and as far as I'm concerned it can't come fast enough. Just think, at this time next week I could be sucking face with Bono. Although that might hurt his wife's feelings.....Eh, who cares.

Did I mention that Baby Jack is full on walking now? He's so cute - he'll be wandering around and then fall on his bum. The one time he was in the kitchen, he fell on his bottom, leaned back and fell on his head and I thought he was hurt but he started giggling like it was funny. KIDS are funny!!!!!

Dude, They Got Porn

OK - so many of you know I'm obsessed with Michael Vartan and that the weekly Alias episodes aren't enough so I get my daily dose of MV from "The Safe House" - http://www.vartanho.com/news/index.html

Pardon me for not putting the link in the word, I don't know how.

Anyway, I posted something on the VHO Chat through Yahoo and another user emailed me, we emailed back and forth, blah blah, she's more obsessed than me. Here is where it gets spicy! She says "did you ever read the cover stories?" and I'm like "Um, No." I go in to look at the cover stories.

Jaw Drops.

Direct Quote:"DUDE, WTF!" I'm sorry, am I at a website or reading a Sandra Brown novel.

It's like PORN! Erotica! It's Michael Vartan/Jennifer Garner erotica written out in story format. WTF!! Now I think that is crossing the line of fandom if you ask me! You can call me what you want but I'M not the one posting MV Porn on the internet! And not all of them are bad (like porn), but they have a rating system. How messed up is that son? I am starting to get a whole new light of the Ho's who run the SafeHouse. Is it really that Safe?? Do I keep going everyday, or find a new site to get my MV news from? They are the best after all. And they do have other stories under Cover Stories - some are only PG! Not like I'm defending them....

Shall I turn in my Ho number? I think I'm number 3500 or something, I know I'm up there since I'm new. Please note the original Ho's are the ones who wrote PORN!!!!!!!!!!

(I bet you aren't reading this anymore, I bet you clicked above to find the porn...sickos....)

Anyway...

Tonight is the big free Happy Hour at Flappy's and Oldies is gonna be there giving out prizes. Last time I went I got a shitty prize cause this guy staked out a spot near the table and kept running up with the answers to the questions before I could get there. So there is me on the other side of the bar trying to run over, and after he left I finally won and guess what I won? Freaking passes to see Alexander at Flix. Yeah, and that movie was up for what, two whole weeks? So I never used them and I just recently found them in my purse. This just proves my point that even if you give someone free tickets to see a Collin Farrell flick doesn't mean they are going to take you up on the offer, cause he sucks. Plus, wasn't that movie like Porn?

Have You Heard??

The new Kohl's will be opening soon - and will have all the items you need to make your 2005 Ghetto Style Prom or Wedding a smashing success!

That's What I'm Talking 'Bout!