Friday, August 26, 2005

The Chinese Food Story

As promised, the bee story. Please don't mock the graphics.

About two weeks ago we were stumped for something to eat here at work. I believe I'm the idiot who said "Chinese?" We all placed our orders from the Great Wall (on Elmwood) - Sesame Chicken for me. Not the lunch special, but the one that comes in the container with the rice on the side. That's what I'm talking about. So it's about 12:20 when the food arrives and by then we are all starving. So we start eating and things are going fine until I'm on, oh, about my fourth piece. I decide I need more sauce so I got into the container and get some more sauce, then I see a nice little piece that is calling out "eat me, eat me!" So I put it on my fork and there's something on it (see exhibit 1). It was roundish shaped and at first I thought it was a ladybug. I was like "Oh Jesus," cause I was hungry, you know how when you are hungry at lunch, it's like "I gotta eat!" So I stare at it and I'm like "hmm.." Everyone says "what" with that voice like "We know you are going to tell us but we really don't want to know."

I hold up my fork (with the chicken and the unidentified thing on the chicken) and say "What do you make of this?" You can tell everyone in the room is like "glad that wasn't mine." Obviously I'm not going to eat that piece, so I said I'll just throw it out. As I'm chucking it into the bag Chris says "it looks like a bee." Now I had thought that earlier, but I wasn't going to SAY anything. Since I'm still starving, I keep eating. I finish what's on my plate cause i'm that hungry. Then I'm digging around the container and I'm moving things around to make room for the rice and I push over a piece of chicken, where I find more of something. I like to call them Exhibits 2 and 3. To that I announced "and we've found the rest of the bee." The whole freaking bee was in my Chinese Food, plus, it must have gotten mixed around which is where it came to play that exhibits 1, 2 and 3 were seperated from each other.

Now I know I've done some writing over the labels of the bee above, but I think you can read very clearly that the first piece I found (Exhibit 1) includes the small intestine, the poison sack, the RECTUM and the stomach, which is close to the point of fracture (the bee was ripped between the "honey stomach" and the "wing muscles.") I am trying not to think about it, but i'm sure some of it's honey stomach was mixed up in my delicious chicken and I should have been smart enough to throw the whole lunch out, but damn, I was hungry (as mentioned above.)

So there is the story, wtih a very good moral. If it looks like a bee, it probably is a bee. Don't go looking for more, just throw the chicken away. And don't order from the Great Wall.

Happy Friday!


Anonymous said...

I've been waiting FOREVER to hear the WHOLE bee story, well worth the wait! Thanks for the diagram!

Rachael said...

I couldn't wait to read your article about the bee, it was worth waiting for. I won't tell you what I found in my chinese about 7 years ago, it took nearly 5 years to eat it again.

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work

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