Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Long Weekend Thoughts and Realizations

1. Considered making “Roll that beautiful bean footage” my new catchphrase.

2. Realized I don’t like that bald guy hocking Bush’s beans, nor do I like Bush's beans (or any baked beans for that matter) and decided against it.

3. Called my six lb. cousin “Thunder Thighs.”

4. Called my newly blonde headed (and eye browed) cousin “Albino.”

5. Ran quickly from his mother after she overheard me.

6. Dreamt I was late for Russian and when I finally arrived the teacher told me I was failing the course. Got really worried. Woke up in cold sweat.

7. Smile a big shit eating grin after realizing I was no longer in high school.

8. Started to feel bad for all the kids born in 2000 cause those suckers have to start school in September. Laughed heartily.

9. Decided pedicures are the “crack” of the future.

10. Took a big hit of crack.

11. Realized airlines could make BIG MONEY if they sold Pringles and Personal Pan Pizzas en flight.

12. Emailed the fledgling US Airways with the idea.

13. Ripped out front teeth in attempt to convince the HR department I had scurvy.

14. Told the president of my agency “saying it and doing it are two different things,” a la the Huntington Learning Center Commercial, after he told me he would review a memo.

15. Spread malaria rumors amongst friends who also have several mosquito bites from watching fireworks outdoors.

16. Got fired (see number 14).

17. Shot a man directly between the eyes for making fun of me whilst I ate my salami sub alone at Wegmans.

18. Put the squirt gun back in my purse to conceal the evidence.


Anonymous said...

Airlines could make BIGGER money if when you booked, you had the option of choosing a theme flight offering special meals. Expanding on the food realization, you could book the 7am Pizza Hut flight to Hoboken or the 915am Hot Dog Heaven flight to Portland. Mmmmmm, Delicious.

JK said...

I would NOT want to be on either of those flights if the weather were bad....LOOK OUT!

Anonymous said...

Where did you find it? Interesting read » »