A Winter Statistic

98% of American's say "Oh Shit" before going into a ditch on a slippery road.

The other 2% are from Buffalo and they say "Hold my coffee and watch this."

That's It - I'm Driving

I just read an article on the Business First Daily Update entitled:

US Air cuts out the snacks

Unbelievable. Taking away the peanuts and mini bags of pretzels cause of high gas costs? Does this mean you still get a free drink? It did not specify.

I'll be doing all my traveling via Motor Car in the future. Or via two feet and a heartbeat. Or maybe I'm just not going to go anywhere cause I'm on the fixed income.

Anyway, can you believe this? What's next - no co-pilot? Or maybe they'll just go around the plane and collect 10 bucks from each passenger before the plane will take off.....

Last Comic Standing

So tonight was the return of Last Comic Standing on NBC. Paul and I watched it last summer and thought we'd give it another whirl.

Note to self: You know it's going to be bad when the Talent Scouts are funnier than the comics, and the Talent Scouts don't even talk that much. Thank God Belzer (AKA Munch from Law and Order SVU) was there for the round in NYC. The beginning was just PAINFUL.....it got a bit better when they went to the showcase, but not much. And they only let five people move on in that round. Four of them were what I deemed OK, the other girl, well, Paul farted and it was funnier than she was. I gave up when they went to Tempe, Arizona and came online.

What a dissapointment.

So next week Thursday is the finale of Lost. After that all the TV shows will be done and Lord knows I'm not sticking with LCS. What the hell is a girl to do, read a book or something? GEESH. I might as well go clean in my basement. Good grief.

Gui La Douche

So I knew I wasn't the only one, even VH1 Execs. admit that Dustin is an asshole. Check out this wording from their website.

Top 5: Dustin's Douchebag Moments
Dustin's bad reputation precedes him this season. Check out the top five douche moments!

I love it...top five douche moments. Wording like that should win prizes.

News From the Parking Lot

Yesterday while I was walking into Wegmans I overheard a conversation between two of the fine "helping hands" associated.

Cart Boy 1: "Dude, would you rather get hit by a car, or shot."

Me: (in my head) "WTF?"

You're MY Top GUN

Seriously, who has the stones to wear this?

Dustin Diamond. Still an Asshole

So I've been watching that Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp on VH1. Same premise as CFC, but they meet on weekends at a "camp" and they stay overnight. So I see this season that Dustin Diamond is back. I can't figure it out because last season he was miserable and he kept leaving, then finally his whole team wouldn't talk to him. In any case, he's back and pledging his allegiance to the team and pledging to work hard. Of course Harvey doesn't believe it. With good reason. Effing Screech is up to his same crap, pulling muscles in his legs, back, neck, arms, anywhere he has them. Falling on the ground saying he can't breathe, and then complaining verbosely when anyone points it out to him "don't attack me, don't attack me." I must have missed it, but Harvey said something to him about Jewish people and Dustin was calling his attorneys and threatening to shut down production because Harvey committed a federal crime. On Sunday's episode he pussed out again on a challenge and didn't participate in a portion of the workout cause "he was winded." So Harvey gets on his case and oh, guess what? Back on the phone with his "manager," who is also his girlfriend (see, he can only get laid by paying someone.) He goes and weighs in, him and Harvey get into a fight (well really Harvey just bitched at him with good reason) and Dustin leaves and calls the "manager" to say he's done, he's leaving.

Previews for next week show Dustin is back. Wanna know why?

Screech got no money
Screech got no job
Screech need to pay his manager somehow, so he needs to stick it out (or he'll lose his job. And his lady.)

Jive ass fool ain't got no brains anyhow.

In other news, Bret Michael's picked his Rock of Love - Ambre - on Sunday night's finale. I insisted from the very beginning that Ambre (normally pronounced AM-BER but pronounced by Lori as OHMM-BRAY), was older than she was letting on, and sure enough, I was right. Who cares though, at least Bret can have a conversation with her without getting punched in the eye. That Daisy couldn't keep her hands still when she was talking, it was like she was a freaking mime or something.

Tonight is the big finale of "The Biggest Loser." Someone directed me to a Blog that had a Q&A with Dan on it and then it had comments. Seems I'm not the only one who thought that asshole was a cocky son-of-a-bitch. But some people blame the "other blue team members for being bad influences." He's 21 years old - and responsible for his own actions. No one made him make the statements that he's smarter than everyone else at the ranch, stronger than all the girls, etc. etc. Anyway, he could come back tonight and lost 200 lbs and it wouldn't change the fact that he's a very large piece of shit. I voted for Mark to go to the finale cause I'm hoping a girl will win. How much you wanna bet if Mark wins America's Vote he'll start crying? Any takers?

Your Dreams Have Come True

The New Kids on the Block are reuniting!

The Biggest Losers. Seriously - Losers

OK OK, so I'm addicted to the Biggest Loser, I'll admit it. But could they have recruited a bigger bunch of babies than they recruited this season? Each week the people are crying their eyes out over this, that, the other thing. I gained a pound, wah wah wah, I lost 5 lbs, wail wail wail, I can't believe I lost 80 lbs, I'm going to start sobbing like a little bitch with a skinned knee. And it's not the woman. Oh, no my friend, it's the MEN! Prompting my friend to write to me this morning with "Ok, enough of the crying guys on that show...It's getting painful to watch."

I couldn't agree more, except I thought it was painful four weeks ago when that whole "PRIDE ON 3" BS started up. WTF? Do they know how stupid they look?

Do you think Dan has any clue that he's the biggest wanker this side of the International Dateline (AKA the entire world)???

Do the American viewers know that him standing next to Allison (the hostess) was probably the closest he's ever gotten to a human breast?

Does anyone else see the resemblance to Chris Griffin from Family Guy?

And Mark, what a GD Baby! Seriously, I'm surprised his brother didn't bring along a pack of Pampers for that hairy backed Mary. I don't think he can do a workout, fill his water bottle, take a walk or make a phone call without busting out in tears. Buck up dude. Did you lose your balls when you lost the 100 lbs? Or is your wife carrying them in her purse????

Now Where Could I Wear This?

Move Over Bacon

So today JB and I got on the subject of Sizzlean. You know Sizzlean, the Reduced-Fat Sugar-Cured Beef Bacon Substitute Breakfast Strips. The one with the Motto, move over bacon, now there's something leaner?

Clearly, JB is excited about Sizzlean, as he had this to say.

"Whenever my mom slapped that stuff down in front of me on Saturday morning, I was like, 'Shit yo, moms, did we hit the fuckin’ Powerball?'"

I never knew Sizzlean was that expensive. Or maybe Jeff was that poor. Teehee

I'm Not the Only One Going to Hell!

I'd Rather Be Sleeping

World Championship Submarine Racing

Ain't It the Truth?

This is Just Good Sound Advice

Jack Russell

A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa , taking his faithful, elderly Jack Russell named Killer, along for the company.

One day the old Jack Russell starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Jack Russell thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old Jack Russell exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old Jack Russell nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old Jack Russell sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that somet hing must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old Jack Russell sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Jack Russell says...

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard !

Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Wear this to the Parade - see what happens

What's with her?

Not much going on today, but I was watching CNN before and thinking "what in the hell is with that Ann Coulter?" Every time that harpie opens her mouth, mine falls to the table in disbelief of what she says. Someone please tell me - what's up with her??? What exactly does she want, besides Ronald Reagan back in office?

In other news - the U2 3D movie is now open across the country. Except here, when it opens February 22 at the Regal Transit Imax. I will be there on the 22nd with bells on. Don't know about U2 in 3D you say? Why click here for more information! I am wondering if the 3D glasses they give you are going to resemble Bono's Fly Shades from the ZooTV tour. A girl can dream can't she?

Lost is on tonight - very exciting. And Survivor, which at least fills 30 minutes before Lost starts.

Oh Oh - very exciting - Jane Fond dropped the C-Bomb on the Today Show. I'm sad to say I didn't see Meredith Viera's reaction, but I bet it was quite a delight to watch once the camera's stopped rolling. Meredith came on a half hour later to apologize to viewers for the offensive word. I bet Matt Lauer is PISSED that he had off today for his laryngitis. That's like the time I was on vacation and I came back and they had shit canned one of the VPs. Boy was I mad to have missed it. I got over it once I got a bigger office out of the deal though.

Out.

Dumbest. Women. Ever

So I was listening to the radio this morning. A station I don't normally listen to, but one that I flicked on cause I was flipping through. I won't say the station, nor will I say the DJs names, but here is a clue. There are three people on this station's morning show, two boys and one girl. The girl has been on a LOOOONG time. The boys, not so long, but long enough. One boy left and then came back after a one year absense. That boy is OK. The one boy is the biggest idiot you'd ever meet and he acts like he's the second coming of Christ when you are out at an event and he's "DJing." Anyway, here is how their conversation went.

Girl on Radio: "Has Barack chosen his running mate?"
Me: "No you effing jackass because the primaries aren't over, so unless Hillary drops out he can't choose a running mate yet. You are a member of the "media," shouldn't you know this?" (This is in my head of course.)
Guy on Radio: "Um, no, not yet."
Girl on Radio: "Oh, I just think it would be so cool if he chose Oprah and then she'd be the vice president, she'd do such a great job."
Me: (In head again.) "OMG did that effing idiot just say what I think she said?"
Guy on Radio: "Um, yeah, OK."

At this point it gets fuzzy because I was so flabbergasted thinking "that woman neesd to have her arms ripped off and to be beaten wtih the bloody stumps because she is so god-damned stupid."

How in the name of God's green earth would someone deduce that Oprah's years on Television have made her qualified her to be the 2nd in Command of the COUNTRY??? Now if this asshole had said "Oh, it would be cool for Oprah to run for Mayor" I'd be like Yeah, go nutz, run for Mayor, run Chicago. Or even Governor, which is a stretch. But VP? WTF dude, VP? When will people get out of Oprah's ass?

I'm supposing if Oprah would be a great VP, then Geraldo Rivera would do a bang up job as Secretary of State. And Sally Jessy - she seems smart, let's make her Secretary of Education. And I know Alec Baldwin is good at fighting, maybe he can be the US Attorney General. Forget experience and credentials - it's all about STAR POWER!

My point is this. If you are in the media, think before you open your mouth. Have some facts to back up your stupid ass thoughts before they come out.....