Cheese, Glorious Cheese

So I like cheese. Like really, really like cheese. I'm not some snob about it, I like your basics. Pepperjack, sharp cheddar, sometimes I spice it up with gorgonzola in my lettuce salad, or some fontinella in my pasta salad, but sometimes I hear cheeses on the Food Network and I go "huh?" Tellagio? OK then. Anyway, I was talking to a co-worker and she said her daughter loves cheese. Like LOVES cheese. One time in her school paper she had to fill in the blanks and it went like this:

I like ___

I love ____

I don't like____.

The first two blanks she put "cheese" and the last blank she put "my brother."

In any case - she developed a Cheese Guide for all those who wanted to know the many types of cheese that she enjoys. I felt the need to share it here for all to see, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. I think my favorite is the "swirly cheesestick" cause I love those babies! Although Monster Cheese almost broke me.

Men Are Just Happier People

I didn't write this, but man did I ever enjoy reading it. I try NOT to be like the women they talk about here, but it's so hard not to. I mean, pay for someone's $9 glass of wine? I just can't!

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES

• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
• If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.

EATING OUT

• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream , razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAYA married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Cough Cough (Spray Spray)

Well it comes up every winter doesn't it? The sickly co-worker.

I have one who it seems is always, and I mean ALWAYS, sick. I'm not saying she has some sort of deficiency and can't keep away the germs, but at least once every two weeks I'm greeted by a "Hello" that sounds like it's coming from a male vs. a female cause she has some sort of ailment in her throat, chest, whatever.

Now I posed this question last year on Facebook and was shocked by the answers and comments - but here goes again. Should you go in sick? A lot of people commented that they had no choice, that they had no sick time, didn't want to use vacation time cause they had other vacations planned, etc. But my job has a pretty liberal sick time policy - we get enough days - and I know this woman hasn't used her allotment. Wanna know how I know? Cause she's at work EVERY EFFING TIME SHE IS SICK!!!!!!

Do I want her germs? Do I want to get sick? Will it ever go away if you are just passing it back and forth from person to person? I don't want to be unreasonable, but come on already. You aren't doing anyone good straining to talk on the phone and spewing the germs all over your desk and the surrounding area each time you cough. Let's not mention the things you touch in the office that other people then touch and spread around. Oi Vey I can't think of it! And I don't want to sound all high and mighty, but let's get serious. We aren't exactly splitting atoms over here, and we certainly aren't on the cusp of finding a cure for cancer. So I'm thinking if we need a few days to get our sickness out of us, we should take it. If not, then I feel I have my right to bitch. Who's with me???

MUST. STOP. LAUGHING

This is my friend's status update (but I changed the last name you pervs!)

How Toy Story 3 goes down in the Gooding house:

Me: You have too many stuffed animals in your bed.

Angelo (who is 5): Maybe I should give some away. (To his stuffies:) Guys? If I don't pick you to stay with me, don't be sad. I mean, you'll be sad cuz you'll miss me. But then you'll be happy because you have a new owner....Brown dog, are you ...even listening to me?!

The Difference Between Me and Normal People

I just got an email from a friend who told me a story of how she rushed and rushed to finish a baby blanket for a shower for her sister-in-law. I actually saw her knitting the thing out in public on a Monday afternoon, because she needed it for the following Sunday. In my head I was thinking "Oh child, I would have just bought her a boppie pillow and a book," cause that's me. Cause we all know how things go when it comes to me and finishing projects, especially projects that are "crafty."

In any case, she finished, practically giving herself Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in the process. The blanket was finalized at midnight the night before the shower. Fast forward to the actual shower, when the mother-to-be opened her gift, pulled the blanket out, announced "blanket," then continued to go through the box of items to list what was inside. My friend, who is nice, smiled and in her head was like "WTF WTF WTF WTF."

And this is where we get to the difference between me and her.

Cause if that was me who had hauled ass for the past three weeks to get it done, and had stayed up til midnight sewing something, then had to wrap the frigging thing, this is what would have happened.

I would have stood up and yelled "I made that bitches!"

Then I would be like "pass it around slut, I want everyone to see my handywork!"

Cause that's just how I roll.

Now to be fair, if there were elderly people present, I would have just said "I made that." But I sure as hell would have been like "pass it around, everyone gets a feel!"

Good thing we know this will never happen, because I took knitting, but it never took to me. And we all know what happens when I try to latch hook things. Six years later those things go in the trash. Don't even get me started on needlepoint...

LeTuesday

My quest from LeMonday has turned into one for LeTuesday. I am searching for a LeBag! My cousin Elaine has one that she said I could have, but I need another one for a friend. Together, we are planning total world domination. Well really, we just want to carry them around. Perhaps we'll bring them "back" and by this time next year everyone will want to have one. In that case, the makers/owners of LeBag better give us LeProfit Sharing.

So you got one of these laying around? Contact me!

Happy New Year!

One of my goals (resolutions as they call them) for 2011 is to write on this Blog more. I have really been slacking. I think because most of the stuff goes on Facebook, but why not write a little bit more here and just put these links on Facebook I say? Who's with me?

In any case, not much has gone on in the new year, on accounta it just started on Saturday and it's only Monday, but I did just get an email from Paul which made me crack up laughing.

The kids and I listen to the songs from Glee ALL the time. The only reason they know the song Bohemian Rhapsody is because Vocal Adreneline sang it at Regionals and I loved it so much that I had to download it immediately. We listened to it all summer in the car, along with New Direction's Regionals version of Don't Stop Believin', although the kids had the regular version wrapped. Now that I don't take the kids to school in the morning, they are in my car a lot less, hence, the email from Paul, which read:

"Jessica and I were rockin' some Journey on the way to school this morning and she makes this disgusted sigh and says, 'this version is awful. He doesn't even get all the words right.'"

That's my girl!!!!!

What is funny is that I did the same thing. After listening to the Glee kids sing Don't Stop Believin' for so long, when I went back and listened to the Journey version I felt let down.

The moral of this story for January 2nd?

Nurture over nature my friends.

Nurture over nature.