Office Memo

Please note that at this year's Office Picnic there will be only one alcoholic drink per person; please bring your OWN cup .

Maddie Moo Moo Grows Up Fast!

Boneless Chuck

So I was reading through some old West Seneca Bees (props for saving them Marcy!) and I usually don't read the Police Blotter but the headline caught my attention.

Chuck Roast Put in Pants

In BOLD!

It seems "on Friday, October 28, 2005, a white male suspect in his forties left the Wegmans store on Orchard Park Road wiht a boneless chuck roast in his pants."

Several questions have arisen in my mind.

1. Why would you put Chuck Roast Put in Pants as the title? I thought about it and realized they were smart for doing it, as it got me to read more in the blotter. But still. Have some dignity people.

2. Why would you put a chuck roast in your pants. It was in October, which would be fine time to wear a coat. Do you really want to put a package of meat, which could leak, in your pants?

3. How the hell did these workers know it was boneless? Were they that close to this man? Or did they just go over to meat and note there was a boneless chuck missing, as opposed to a bone-in chuck? Couldn't they have just said "chuck roast" and left out the boneless part? It just brings up way too many questions.

There you have it. My excitement for yesterday (besides the Blender lists and Bono's haircut.)

I LOVE THE INTERNET!

Did you ever have one of those days when you were bored and wanted to surf the web but it seems like there was NOTHING that you could find that was interesting? Well today isn't one of those days!

First, I was sent a link about someone named Brandon Davis (I think) dissing on Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton was with him giggling like a mother fucker cause she thought it was just hilarious that he decided to walk along the street on their way to wherever they were going and talk bad about her for no reason. I remember when people I knew used to do that. That was back when I was 15! If you would like to see the article and watch the video, click here!

Note: I have no idea who Brandon Davis is, but the article says he's a millionaire, the grandson of some late millionaire who I guess left him some money. I guess he forgot to pass on "a clue" to young Brandon.

Anoter note: Someone pointed out to me about an hour ago that at least Lindsey Lohan does work. And he has a good point. I'm not crazy about her, but she does have a bunch of movies under her belt. What is Paris doing? As my friend put it, she hit the genetic lottery, and boy, do I agree!

Next up, I scrolled down to the bottom of that page and saw something about Bono. Of course, I clicked on it. BONO GOT A HAIRCUT!!!!!!!! Hot diggety! That isn't what the article was about, only myself and a few other Bono fans get excited about that stuff. This was about Bono posing with some cell phones and I guess the company is helping out with the African Debt. The title of the article was Bono and Motorola Do Red. When I first read it I thought "Oh, he's been hanging out with more models" because I thought the name Motorola Do Red was someone's name. It isn't!

You can see the article by clicking here. Also, you can view the comments of a young man named rob enderle who is scathing about Bono's humanitarian efforts. I don't know what Bono did to him, but he is MAD! rob refers to Bono as "a tool used to give white people some sense that they are doing something while at the same time making sure that mulinationals that rape and pillage the planet still can do it with a clean conscience." Dude, get out of the bitter barn and come play in the hay...

Coincidentally, it drives me bonkers when people post things on websites and don't capitalize their name. If you are going to take the time to post, you can take the time to hit "shift" when typing the R and E in your name! In any case, I just commented back to him, but it's being reviewed before it gets posted. Good thing my salty language didn't come out.

Onward and upward.

After reading about Bono (and his haircut) I stumbled onto the Blender Magazine Website when the article "The 50 Worst Things Ever to Happen to Music" caught my eye. If you want to read it, click here. It was OK. Not great, not bad. But then I spied with my little eye the 50 Worst Songs Ever! To my horror, I have like all of them on my Itunes, or on CD. Is this some kind of sick joke? Or do I just like bad music? Or a little bit of both. I notice that they poked fun of all the music that they would never talk about in Blender. You didn't see any mention of a bad Nirvana song, no mocking of Good Charlotte or Blink 182, but you know that ALL their songs weren't good! But I digress. The song "The Final Countdown" by Europe is on that list. Wait until I tell Jane, she'll be outraged. Actually, I'm torn up. They used to blare that out of large speakers when I went to the Barnabas Lawn Fete each year when I was like 10, and I thought it was way cool. I obviously have lot to learn.

Anyway, if you go to the Blender Site they have a whole bunch of other lists, including:

The 50 Worst Artists in Music History!

500 CDs You Must Own Before You Die!

The 50 Most Awesomely Dead Rock Stars! and;

The 500 Greatest Songs Since You Were Born! Not to ruin anything, but Billy Jean was number one. Yeah, that video was the freaking bomb! Number 2 was the song B.O.B by Outkast. Um, OK. Number 3 is Sweet Child of Mine by Guns N' Roses. OK I agree with them there, but I'm not digging on number 2.

Oh, I just scrolled down and number 4 is One by U2.

I LOVE BLENDER!

I LOVE THE INTERNET!

All is right with the world.

Please Paul - You Can Do Better Than That!

I just read an article on AOL that says that Paul McCartney and his wife Heather Mills, AKA, has one leg, are seperating after four years of marriage. You can read this article here.

I will copy the lead which I found so very interesting.

Former Beatle Paul McCartney and his second wife, Heather Mills McCartney, said Wednesday that they are separating after nearly four years of marriage, blaming intrusion from the media and insisting their split is amicable.

Ok. Can someone clear this up for me? Paul McCartney WAS in fact married to Linda McCartney for some of those those years he was in the Beatles right? And weren't they like always in front of the camera? And wasn't someone always trying to take thier picture and get up in their grill? And then they were in Wings, which sucked, but still, the cameras were still rolling and you couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting a radio playing Band On the Run. Yeah, I thought so. Yet these two can't keep it together for longer than four years, and blame the media?? And of course, they had to have a kid, even though he's a FOSSIL! He probably regales the kid with stories about how he got his driver's license driving a Model T and how it broke him up when the Titanic went down.

OK, OK - so he's not that old. But you get my drift.

Anyway, I think the media excuse is bogus. All these celebrities are like "get me on TV, get me on TV," and they want to be famous, but then when it gets to be too much they cry and whine like little babies. Don't give me that crap about going in show business so you can practice your "craft." Don't wanna hear it. At any given time, you can go away. And most of the time, we are more than happy to see you go (thank you Jessica Beil for fading into the sun!) But don't give me the "I just want to do my job and do it well and have my privacy." And I bet you want your million dollars for working three weeks, don't you? Yeah, can't have it both ways.

So in conclusion - I'm not bitter about celebrities. I think they just need to fess up, take credit for thier problems and not blame TV cameras for their downfalls. Because the only one I'm listening to that line from is Princess Diana.

An Actual Email Which I Just Received

Someone forwarded me an email because they thought I'd get a kick out of the subject line.

Well I did!

Here is the subject.

Strategies for Better Bladder Control Wednesday Night

Um. OK.

Mind you, this isn't spam. It's the real deal. You know you all want to leard about Better Bladdar Control, people!

Memories from Childhood

I got an email recently of all these things from the 1970s and since I'm mostly an 80s baby, a lot of them didn't pertain. But a few of them did.

First, the Donnie and Marie Doll. I had these. Sadly. I got them from McCrory's at the old Como Mall (now the Appletree Business Park.) I might have even got them in the 1980s, but maybe they were just carry overs from ones that didn't sell in the 70s. No doubt. Donnie was the only boy "Barbie" doll that I had, as I never got an official "Ken" doll. I got through it. He had this fly outift on, and came complete with his own silver microphone which attached to his hand. Marie had one too, and by the time she got retired in the late 80s, her dress, with the fun scraggly fabric, was all rolling up at the bottom and looked awful. But from what I remember, she fit into all the traditional Barbie clothing, so she did fine. A few years after I got her, I got Pretty In Pink Barbie for passing my swimming test (that was in the first grade.) Now I don't have a picture of Pretty in Pink Barbie, but she was way hot. Now I know Peaches N Cream Barbie knocked her out of the water a year later, but pretty soon Day to Night Barbie hit the scene and kicked both of them to the curb.

Onward to something I wanted, but never actually got. I always wanted an official pair of Dr. Scholl's Clogs. I wanted the "real deal" clogs, the ones that covered the whole front and top of your foot. My best friend had them in Blue, and man, they were phat. She let me wear them around her room, but never for that long. What a bitch. (She knows that she was a bitch back then, I have told her and she agreed.) I did have a pair of the "other" kind of clogs (pictured here.) They were from KMart, and I'm not sure if they were actual Dr. Scholl's, they could have been but they might as well have been Zzips for all I cared. (Zzips was the generic brand of sneakers from KMart, also known as Buddies, more on that later.) Sure these clog sandals were loud, but you couldn't exactly wear them year round. The full clog could be worn year round, esp. cause you wore them with socks.

On a side note, these are labeled Exercise Sandals. I'm sorry. What exercises did they think we'd be doing in these? I remember playing hopscotch and the bastards flying off!

Back to Zzips. I remember sitting in the cart at KMart and listening to the jingle about Zzips and thinking they were cool. Of course I was like 5. Obviously if I fit into the cart, duh. Anyway - if you got these and were in like first grade, that was fine. But if you busted in wearing Zzips in 5th grade, you'd hear this

"Buddies, Buddies make your feet feel fine, Buddies, Buddies sale for $1.99"

Obviously I did not want to wear Buddies. Boy, kids can be so cruel! I do recall getting dressed like a real dork back in the day. I had the generic jeans, I remember my best friend had Jordache Jeans - REAL Jordache Jeans that cost $29.99. What a bitch! When you were 7, $29.99 was a lot of money. Looking back I realize that I'm fine for having worn generic, but I am still not over those Clogs. I bet they'll come back again. All things come back. Maybe one day I'll have a chance to buy them again, in blue, in a size 9. And I'll probably wear them one time and think "what was I thinking wanting a pair of shoes made of wood?" and never wear them again.

And by the by - am I the only one who misses the Como Mall? Iwent to see many, many $1.50 movies there on a Friday night, and purchased many many boxes of 3/$1 candy at the McCrory's. Coincidentally, I also owned a shirt from McCrory's. I can admit that now because it was in 7th grade. I told you I was a dork, dudes!

I Don't Think I Want To Eat Here!

Idol In a Nutshell

I wrote this last week to my friend who is a fan of American Idol and decided to share it here because she found it funny. I could go on forever with this, Paula shaking her head vigorously, Randy looking at Simon like he has two heads, but you get my gist.

Randy: "Dog, Dog, I am just not feeling it."
Paula: "I thought you were good, but maybe you can pick a better song next time. Keep at it, keep at it."
Simon: You reek. That was not good.
Paula: NOOOOOO NOOOOO (Waving hands all around)
Randy: OHHHH That’s harsh dog, that’s harsh

Cut to Seacrest, in his fancy suit and dippety do'd hair.

Sanity Gone!

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

7. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

8. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

9. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

10. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

11. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

12. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

14. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

15. Tell Your Children Over Dinner "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

What About A Real Season Yo?

So I'm watching Desperate Housewives right now and I just saw an advertisement for the Season Finale of What about Brian? Well Yo, wasn't it just a few weeks back (like four) that I was writing about the Season Premier of What about Brian? Since when was five shows enough to get someone hooked, give them the finale and expect that they would come back? Unless you are talking about Deal or No Deal. Which, by the by, is so damned dramatic. I like how Howie all pumps it up and is like "You'll find out after this commercial break." You know they are going to screw the pooch anyway, they are going to say No Deal when they are offered $200,000 cuase they are hoping for more. Dude, I'd take the $200,000! When else would you be offered up that sort of money. Take it stupid!

On a side note, this DH episode is wicked boring. I was so bored whilst watching that I logged onto my work account to check email. Now you KNOW it's boring then.

On another side note, we have had no heat in our apartment for the past two weeks. Which was fine up until last night, when I think it was like 30 degrees or some shit, and in my apartment it was like 62 and I'm not used to that anymore. It was like being back at my parent's house when I used to have to put my feet underneath the matress while on the computer just to warm up. I had to put on long pants, a sweater and my fuzzy socks and bring an extra blanket into bed. I should call maintenance, but I always forget until the weekends when I'm here and I'm freezing. Perhaps I should email them right now! That would be the smart thing to do.

DH still boring....

I have had a craving for ice cream for about three hours now and there is none to be found in my freezer. I'm thinking about knocking on the neighbor's doors to ask around. Think anyone else in the building would think that was wierd? I mean, one time I did lend a can opener to my neighbor. It would be just like that!

Ice cream.......

I'm Officially Lost

Shit Yo - Lost just keeps getting wierder and wierder. I watched the last 15 minutes of it last night and my mouth was hanging on the freaking ground, then everyone I was with didn't watch the show, so they could care less, and they started talking about normal things like ice cream and vacations and I was there "Did ya see that? Did Ya SEE THAT???" WTF yo - WTF....They better clear up some of this stuff. And they better not pull this type of stuff for the finale, cause I'll be sitting there all summer going "Wtf yo, wtf yo" just like I am right now!

So WTF???

I went to Roadhouse last night and my friend's son wanted Mac and Cheese, so we go thim Mac and Cheese. Dude, it's KRAFT Mac and Cheese. It cost 3.99 for Mac and Fries, and you can make that at home for like a buck. You can buy a sixer of Mac and Cheese for that money. And after he ate all his Mac he said "I want more Mac and Cheese" and I was like "sorry dude, gotta eat the fries unless you want some of my Roadie (with onions!)." That went over like a fart in church.

So dudes, the other day, Kristen said that she'd be all over something like a Hobo on a Ham Sandwich and she has said it before, but this time it struck me as SUPER funny, and I've decided that I'd like to start saying it more. I mean come on -a hobo on a ham sandwich? Hilarious!!!

In other news, my car inspection is expired and I just noticed last night. I said to myself "self, how did this happen??" cause usually I'm on that shit like a Hobo on a Ham Sandwich (see???) But it did without me noticing...So now I'm being very careful about going through yellow lights, just in case, and I don't like doing that, I say yellow is as good as green, just GO GO GO! I'm going to get it inspected this afternoon, so I'll be back to my antics once again. I just hope they have some donuts in the "courtesy lounge" at Culligan cause the TeeVee is always on some sport station there watching some stupid ass racing or something and I gotta find someway to entertain myself.....

Officially, I'm Offended