Candy Crush Saga

If I had the option to put a tag line under my headline it would be 'Sent from the devil.'

A few weeks back I got an instant message from a friend asking if I played this game. I said no. She said I should try it, "it's fun."

Obviously that friend did not care about me as much as I thought she did.

This game is torture. Torture. It's free to download. It gives you five lives to start. You use those in 15 seconds (OK maybe 10 minutes) and then have 3 options. Buy more, ask your friends for more lives, or wait. Well F that stain, we know waiting isn't an option. And Lord knows I'm too cheap to buy them. So I beg. And beg. My life has been reduced to working, making dinners, drinking coffee and begging my Facebook friends for lives in Candy Crush. It sucks ass. And sometimes no number of lives help. You'll get a level that you play over and over. You'll come close, this close, to winning. Then you run out of moves and scream at your computer screen (or I'm my case, your phone) "I hate you!!!!" One level I played so many times I finally backed down and paid 99 cents for 5 extra moves. Then I did that again. And again. So now I'm down $5, my house is a mess, my mail isn't sorted and I am so addicted to this game I play it everywhere. Yes, even on the toilet. Don't you judge me!!!!!

The only comfort is knowing I'm not the only one. A bright spot in all this is that my bestie and I are in the same boat. We text daily about how much it sucks and how we need lives or tickets to unlock the next episode. We could stop playing, yes, but well, that's not an option. We are addicts.

The moral? Don't start playing this game. Your budding ulcer will thank you. If you must start, get your bestie to play too, so you will have someone to commiserate with. And so that you'll both shorten your lives the same amount so you can go to heaven at the same time.