Summer Summer Summertime (TV SUCKS)

I gotta say something. Summer TV sucks. I know that the TV execs think that people are outside galyvanting at 9 p.m. cause it's the Summer Summer Summertime (sing this to the Fresh Prince song). But guess what? The sun is pretty much in by 9, my kids go to bed at 9:30 and I'm ready for some TV. And there ain't no TV! We got the Deadliest Catch, which I could care less about, we got Project Runway, which I don't watch (I know, shoot me), we got The Next Design Star (come on, like anyone watches that) and we got Kathy Griffin's Life on the D-List, which has gotten shittay over the past few years (sorry Kathy, I love you but it's true). Sure there are a few shows I watch. Food Network throws me a bone with an entertaining hour of "Next Food Network Star" every Sunday, and I get my eye candy fill each Tuesday night at 9 p.m. when Michael Vartan graces the screen in Hawthorne, but I gotta put up with some crap between those episodes, which are only once a week. Of course they do have True Blood, but do I have HBO? NOOOO. And Weeds is coming back soon, but do I have Showtime? NOOOO. Cause the 100 bucks a month for cable only includes one "upgrade" - which is some racing network that my man watches. Racing? What are you from North Carolina, Pauline???

In any case, you would think that in the 400 channels, I'd find something I could watch. But do you really need some of those channels? Seriously, I like Game Shows, but does anyone need to see the Richard Dawson years? Hello Creepster, don't make out with the young ladies on the show. And Lifetime, I can't deal with any more movies staring Melissa Gilbert entitled "Someone shot my dog and stole my baby, and I want them back really, really bad!"

In short, I beg of you TV Execs out there, you know, all the TV Execs who read my blog, can't you just make the TV seasons longer so that I can watch my normal shows in the summer? I got the DVR, don't we all? I know some nights I might be at the Fantasy Island, catching the last of the rays in the lazy river, but I'll be home by 9:20, and I can catch up. I promise! I know some of the stars in Hollywood are spoiled and don't want to film more than 24 episodes, but I hear there are a LOT of unemployed actors in California, so just replace them! Let's get some of them in who will work more than 24 weeks out of the year (don't even argue with me that they work more than that, you know they don't unless they are doing extra movies! Lies, Lies!)

That is all.

My Kids??

Fun stuff from Walmart! We were in the parking lot, which I also refer to as "the Jungle" and I saw a man trying to get by us who seemed to be saying with his eyes "I'm getting by here whether you move or not." So I told the kids "walk single file, like Sand People." To which Jessica responded, "what are Sand People?"

What are Sand People? What are SAND PEOPLE? I asked Paul if he was sure she was his. Then Duncan chimes in "Are they the little ones or the big ones?" He then proceeds to tell his sister that Sand People are from Star Wars and having glowing yellow eyes and brown hoods over their heads. Again I looked at Paul with the "you're 100 percent sure??" They BOTH got a stern lecture on the way home, and Duncan was loudly informed that the creatures he was referring to were Jawas, NOT Sand People, and that he obviously was not paying enough attention when watching his Star Wars movie. Both children were made to sleep in the garage as punishment.

OK not really, but don't think I didn't think it! What are Sand People. Child, please, Allans aren't allowed to use those words! What's next - not knowing who we are talking about when we say "Cinnamon Bun Hair???"