I didn't win the Amazing Race Pool, so the IRS can get off my back. Eric and Danielle won and Ozzy and Danny got knocked out the second last show. Bunch of bull I say!
At least now that Danielle has $500,000, she can probably buy some shirts that fit. I mean, was I the only one who didn't need to see her very large jugs hanging out every week?
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
What Would I Do Without MSNBC?
OK so I was looking at the entertainment homepage of MSNBC (again) and I found this article about Alec Baldwin leaving a nasty message for his daugther. Below are some quotes from Baldwin to his 11-year old Daughter:
“You are a rude, thoughtless little pig.”
"You don’t have the brains or the decency as a human being.”
“I don’t give a damn that you’re 12 years old, or 11 years old, or that you’re a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn’t care about what you do as far as I’m concerned. You have humiliated me for the last time with this phone.”
"I will be flying there (sic) for the day just to straighten you out on this issue.”
So what, like there's something wrong with that? Isn't that what they call Tough Love?
Teehee.
Just kidding.
The man needs to take some pills or something to calm his ass down. Maybe there is a reason she isn't answering the phone. Ever think of that Alec?
“You are a rude, thoughtless little pig.”
"You don’t have the brains or the decency as a human being.”
“I don’t give a damn that you’re 12 years old, or 11 years old, or that you’re a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn’t care about what you do as far as I’m concerned. You have humiliated me for the last time with this phone.”
"I will be flying there (sic) for the day just to straighten you out on this issue.”
So what, like there's something wrong with that? Isn't that what they call Tough Love?
Teehee.
Just kidding.
The man needs to take some pills or something to calm his ass down. Maybe there is a reason she isn't answering the phone. Ever think of that Alec?
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Pshhh - Please
I just read this article on MSNBC.com. OK it was in the Gossip section of MSNBC.com, but still....
John Travolta doesn’t suffer from lack of ego. The “Wild Hogs” star recently boasted that he was as big a star as Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe — but didn’t suffer the same fate as them because of his values and religion.
“I have fame on the level of a Marilyn Monroe or an Elvis, but part of the reason I didn’t go the way they did was because of my beliefs,” Travolta told the Irish Independent.
The star went on to credit his sometimes controversial religion for the difference between his fate and theirs.
He goes on to talk about Scientology and how people judge it and such. The rest of the article is here
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18024482/
In any case, I read it and thought "WTF is that cracker talking about?" The fame of Elvis? Psshhh - please. I am having trouble writing right now, because I just read it and shook my head going Dude, WTF...
I would hardly say he has the fame of Elvis. Now I know I wasn't around when Elvis was big, and I know he was down a bit in the 60's when he made that same movie 33 times and the only thing that changed was the sideburns, but he came back with a vengance. Hello, 68 Comeback Special anyone??? Maybe THAT is what John was talking about - his comeback in Pulp Fiction. But I am willing to bet when John goes to meet the maker, they won't be:
John Travolta doesn’t suffer from lack of ego. The “Wild Hogs” star recently boasted that he was as big a star as Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe — but didn’t suffer the same fate as them because of his values and religion.
“I have fame on the level of a Marilyn Monroe or an Elvis, but part of the reason I didn’t go the way they did was because of my beliefs,” Travolta told the Irish Independent.
The star went on to credit his sometimes controversial religion for the difference between his fate and theirs.
He goes on to talk about Scientology and how people judge it and such. The rest of the article is here
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18024482/
In any case, I read it and thought "WTF is that cracker talking about?" The fame of Elvis? Psshhh - please. I am having trouble writing right now, because I just read it and shook my head going Dude, WTF...
I would hardly say he has the fame of Elvis. Now I know I wasn't around when Elvis was big, and I know he was down a bit in the 60's when he made that same movie 33 times and the only thing that changed was the sideburns, but he came back with a vengance. Hello, 68 Comeback Special anyone??? Maybe THAT is what John was talking about - his comeback in Pulp Fiction. But I am willing to bet when John goes to meet the maker, they won't be:
- Referring to him as "The King;"
- Putting his face on towels, magnets, clocks and postage stamps;
- Burying him in his backyard; and
- Opening the home for the public.
You wanna know WHY I am willing to bet? Cause I've seen Look Who's Talking Now and I know he should have stopped at the first one!!!
In other news...
Lionel Ritchie once again proves he's a big asshole.
Angelina's mother proves she is one too - but from the grave...
Nerd's break open Piggy Banks as latest Harry Potter book to hit shelves
and finally
Does anyone else out there NOT give a shit about that dude on Idol with the mohawk?
Friday, March 09, 2007
Question. FUNK DAT
I'm listening to XM 80s and this morning they played "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake. Am I the only one who thinks of Tawny Kitaen doing a split on the cars when they hear this song? I know I'm not! Then I start thinking of the movie Witchboard. Why that didn't get huge in theatres, I'll never know, but me and my cousins sure loved it. I don't know if you know, but I'm sorry, that movie so MADE the expression "TTFN."
They followed up Here I Go Again with some crap by Bruce Springsteen. Dude, we were all Born in the USA, you don't see me bragging about it.
OK OK so my husband and the kids weren't born here, but whatever. You'd never know by looking at them, I make sure to hide all of Duncan's Toronto Maple Leaf's t-shirts and pajamas in the back of his drawer so he won't see them and be tempted to wear them. And I put the Bills and "USA" T-shirts right up front, first thing he sees! I'm a sneaky mommy!
They followed up Here I Go Again with some crap by Bruce Springsteen. Dude, we were all Born in the USA, you don't see me bragging about it.
OK OK so my husband and the kids weren't born here, but whatever. You'd never know by looking at them, I make sure to hide all of Duncan's Toronto Maple Leaf's t-shirts and pajamas in the back of his drawer so he won't see them and be tempted to wear them. And I put the Bills and "USA" T-shirts right up front, first thing he sees! I'm a sneaky mommy!
Sweet Lord God AlmightY
Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never
I have to make goodie bags for Duncan's birthday party, so I did a search for goodie bags at Target.com and something called "Doodie Bags" came up. I was like "WTF???" I sent it to JB who did some exploring. The doodie bags are for use in this.
Reliance Luggable Loo Portable Toilet
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY
Why would you ever need that?
And if you did, would you bother changing it?? I'd call that a one time use item!!!!!!!! Just suck it up that it's going to cost you 15 bucks each time you go camping for crying out loud.
I've seen some sick stuff in my day, but come on people - this is just SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never
I have to make goodie bags for Duncan's birthday party, so I did a search for goodie bags at Target.com and something called "Doodie Bags" came up. I was like "WTF???" I sent it to JB who did some exploring. The doodie bags are for use in this.
Reliance Luggable Loo Portable Toilet
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY
Why would you ever need that?
And if you did, would you bother changing it?? I'd call that a one time use item!!!!!!!! Just suck it up that it's going to cost you 15 bucks each time you go camping for crying out loud.
I've seen some sick stuff in my day, but come on people - this is just SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
You Know You Know That Girl!
You know that girl in high school who was too good to talk to you, so she treated you and your friends like shit (unless she needed something) and then you went off to college and only thought of her when you encountered another girl like that, who you realized was just very sad because they were acting like that in college and no one freaking cares there? Well what would you say to said girl if you had the chance when she decided 10 years after high school to email you and tell you how 'WONDERFUL' things were going?
Well this is what my friend would say!
Well, I do find it slightly bizarre that since you wanted absolutely nothing to do with 75% of the people on this list during high school, and you have suddenly taken a "genuine" interest into our lives, I'm fairly certain you really could give two shits.
Since you asked, I guess I can offer up what I've accomplished over the past nine + years. I dropped out of Harvard during my second semester because I felt like it was holding me back. Boy was I right. I left Buffalo in the Spring of 1998 flew a plane around the world following Amelia Earhardt's flight path in hopes that somehow this would create a connection between us. I landed in Zimbabwe and built three orphanages, networked with various celebrities, and served as personal character references for both Madonna and Angelina Jolie for the adoption of their children. While working on the orphanage, I met Oprah, the Dali Lama, and was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2000. In early 2001 I vacationed in the Caribbean and loved it so much that I purchased three islands of my own, all of which have evolved from poverty stricken countries into modern-day nations whose GDP (Gross Domestic Product) exceeds that of the United States, Canada, and Great Britain combined. This is quite an accomplishment since the size of each island is no larger than the town of Cheektowaga. In mid-2001 during a brief visit home to Buffalo I had an epiphany and decided to it was time to really make a difference in the world (as if I hadn't done enough already). I phoned long-time pals Bono and Oprah (both of which are in my Top 8 on My Space - 1 and 2, respectively, sorry Oprah, you don't sing) seeking their collaborative efforts to end apartheid in South Africa. They suggested world-wide concerts all in one day. The four concerts I personally coordinated occurred in early 2003, before the Concorde was retired of course. How else could Phil Collins and myself be in Australia for a 3pm concert and then swing by Los Angeles for a duet with Alicia Keyes at 5? I've been around, that's for sure. Oh, I almost forgot - I should talk about the new jet I am designing with Boeing, maybe that's a story for a different email, I don't want to ramble on now.
Anyway, while in LA for the concert I met my wife. She was born in Fiji, graduated high school at 3, earned her doctorate in Fijianology at 7, and has redesigned the interstate highway system across North America to incorporate carpool lanes in all major cities. She has also personally patched the Alaskan oil pipeline several times with nothing but her hands and some spackle. I am so proud! Her and I practice yoga each day at sunrise, and speak to her grandfather's aunt's, daughter's, third-cousin once removed, who happens to be the inventor of yoga.
Our plans for the future include finding a cure for fatal diseases, improving the flow of water from the Niagara River through Lake Erie to Cleveland, and of course never wanting to read a single email from people that wanted nothing to do with us ten + years ago, and suddenly do now ever again.
I give him a lot of credit for writing that up, but turns out he didn't send it. However, just to take the time to pen something to that douch bag, that takes time! Well done.
I myself feel that I wouldn't take the time to write all that out. I would just say this.
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Go Fuck Yourself.
Send.
Well this is what my friend would say!
Well, I do find it slightly bizarre that since you wanted absolutely nothing to do with 75% of the people on this list during high school, and you have suddenly taken a "genuine" interest into our lives, I'm fairly certain you really could give two shits.
Since you asked, I guess I can offer up what I've accomplished over the past nine + years. I dropped out of Harvard during my second semester because I felt like it was holding me back. Boy was I right. I left Buffalo in the Spring of 1998 flew a plane around the world following Amelia Earhardt's flight path in hopes that somehow this would create a connection between us. I landed in Zimbabwe and built three orphanages, networked with various celebrities, and served as personal character references for both Madonna and Angelina Jolie for the adoption of their children. While working on the orphanage, I met Oprah, the Dali Lama, and was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2000. In early 2001 I vacationed in the Caribbean and loved it so much that I purchased three islands of my own, all of which have evolved from poverty stricken countries into modern-day nations whose GDP (Gross Domestic Product) exceeds that of the United States, Canada, and Great Britain combined. This is quite an accomplishment since the size of each island is no larger than the town of Cheektowaga. In mid-2001 during a brief visit home to Buffalo I had an epiphany and decided to it was time to really make a difference in the world (as if I hadn't done enough already). I phoned long-time pals Bono and Oprah (both of which are in my Top 8 on My Space - 1 and 2, respectively, sorry Oprah, you don't sing) seeking their collaborative efforts to end apartheid in South Africa. They suggested world-wide concerts all in one day. The four concerts I personally coordinated occurred in early 2003, before the Concorde was retired of course. How else could Phil Collins and myself be in Australia for a 3pm concert and then swing by Los Angeles for a duet with Alicia Keyes at 5? I've been around, that's for sure. Oh, I almost forgot - I should talk about the new jet I am designing with Boeing, maybe that's a story for a different email, I don't want to ramble on now.
Anyway, while in LA for the concert I met my wife. She was born in Fiji, graduated high school at 3, earned her doctorate in Fijianology at 7, and has redesigned the interstate highway system across North America to incorporate carpool lanes in all major cities. She has also personally patched the Alaskan oil pipeline several times with nothing but her hands and some spackle. I am so proud! Her and I practice yoga each day at sunrise, and speak to her grandfather's aunt's, daughter's, third-cousin once removed, who happens to be the inventor of yoga.
Our plans for the future include finding a cure for fatal diseases, improving the flow of water from the Niagara River through Lake Erie to Cleveland, and of course never wanting to read a single email from people that wanted nothing to do with us ten + years ago, and suddenly do now ever again.
I give him a lot of credit for writing that up, but turns out he didn't send it. However, just to take the time to pen something to that douch bag, that takes time! Well done.
I myself feel that I wouldn't take the time to write all that out. I would just say this.
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Go Fuck Yourself.
Send.
Friday, January 19, 2007
AOL Radio Featuring (((XM)))
So I've been listening to the AOL Radio, on accounta I still didn't cancel my AOL subscription, and now I'm starting to wonder if Ishould because damn, this radio is good. I have five stations in my presents
XM 80's
XM 90's
90's Country
90's Pop
Top Pop
I used to have All Pearl Jam in there but they were always playing songs I didn't know, so I put the country in, cause I never listen to country now, but I did in the 90s when I was working at the Wegmans and I listen and think "OMG I loved that song!"
In any case, I listen to the XM 80's and 90's most, with the country in a close 3rd. I have heard some dandies over the last few weeks, which I will share with you here.
This is How We Do It by Montell Jordan: Ahh, let us rewind to 1996. I can taste the Light Tacos from Taco Bell right now. I bet you forgot they had those! Well they did. They had chicken and some red sauce and I don't think they had cheese or lettuce, but maybe. They were GD good. We would go to the Wegman's softball games, stop at the Taco Bell on the way back and sit in the Appletree Mall parking lot eating the "Light" Tacos, then I think we used to throw the garbage out the window, but maybe not in that lot, maybe on a side road. Boy, I was immature. In any case, we used to listen to this song, and drive around saying "I got the money, 100 dollar bills ya'll." Which sure was the case back then when I was working three jobs and lived at home. Now I got no 100 dollar bills. If I see someone with a hundred dollar bill (ya'll) I say "OMG dude, how did you get that??" Cause let's face it, who uses cash these days?
Return of the Mack by, um, I don't know: See above because we also listened to this song. I remember I got the CD single (It could also probably be the "Greatest Hits" for the dude who sang it) and I gave it to a friend to borrow and she returned it without the case. Yeah, cause that does me a whole lot of good.
If You Leave by OMD: I learned something when this song came on. I learned that OMD stands for Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark (Yes, that is how they spelled Maneuvers) and I immediately emailed Little Jeff because I knew he'd appreciate it. Of course he emailed me back but I didn't get the message cause all the emails going to my account are getting returned to people as undeliverable. But I digress. The other thing I learned is that I still think of little Molly Ringwald in her little pink dress when I hear this song. I think of how cute Little Andrew McCartney was. And I think of how they probably broke up a few weeks later cause while it's nice that Andrew told off BLANE (the major appliance), kids in high school are so effing fickle I'm sure he couldn't take the heat, dumped Molly and went back to banging the popular girls.
Sailing by Christopher Cross: I learned something about this song too. I hate it.
Breakfast at Tiffany's by Deep Blue Something: Let it be known I had to look up the singer because I had no idea who it was. People, let's be honest. This is probably the dumbest song written. They have nothing in common except Breakfast at Tiffany's. Well it's time to break up then. It can't last if you have nothing in common. I know opposites attract, but you'll eventually go crazy if you can't agree on anything. Like Paul and I both agree that Friends is very funny. And we both like Bison Dip. And we both dislike brussel sprouts. As you see, it takes more than just a movie to keep couples together.
2 Legit 2 Quit by MC Hammer: My favorite part of this song (besides the heeey heeeeey by the lady in the background) is that it's got 2's in the Title instead of "Too" and "To." That Hammer. Always proving how dumb he is.
Scar Tissue by the Red Hot Chili Peppers: This is how much of a loser I am - it was on 90s Pop and I just came around to knowing that song in 2004. I thought it came out in like 2003 or something. And I remember I had no idea what he was saying when he was talking about the birds and the lonely view. I think it's about drugs!
Joyride by Roxette: Oman, Roxette. Dare I say I miss them? I enjoy the Joyride, I enjoy the It Must Have Been Love and most of all I enjoy Dangerous. Not so much a fan of Fading Like a Flower, but whatever, you can't please everyone. Having recently learned that they make a Greatest Hits Album, I reviewed the list of songs and decided to save my money and buy the two songs I like off ITunes.
Fancy by Reba McEntire: If you have never heard this song, well get off the stick and listen to it. What a hoot! I still remember the first time I heard it. I was working at Wegmans and heard the song and thought "Oh, what a nice little song about a girl who picked herself up off the ground and make something of her life." The song tells the story of a poor mother and her two kids, Fancy and the kid known as "the baby." Well Fancy turns 18 and her mama puts her in a "red satin dancing dress," throws some rouge on her and gives her some high heels. There is a line in there about just being nice to the gentleman and they'll be nice to you. So I'm like "Oh, she's a dancer!" Well I'm telling my friend Amy about this and she's like "She's a hooker!" Yeah, the dress had a slit up the side "clean up to Reba's Hip" and did I mention that a roach crawled over the toe of her high heeled shoe? Yes, the mother was desperate, so as soon as the girl was legal she sent her off to make some money. Well Fancy sure did make some money. Welfare took the baby and mama died but Fancy did well for herself, landing all these men who took her as their personal slave but who cares cause she's got the mansion and townhouse! My favorite line of the song, and I know I'm not alone on this, is "I might have been born just plain white trash, but Fancy was my name."
Too bad my mother named me Lori. And I don't have a baby brother or high heeled shoes cause maybe I could write a song about my life.
Oh, and did I mention that the mother had a baby but Fancy was 18? Hello - did that mother not learn to keep her legs closed? Well I guess not!
XM 80's
XM 90's
90's Country
90's Pop
Top Pop
I used to have All Pearl Jam in there but they were always playing songs I didn't know, so I put the country in, cause I never listen to country now, but I did in the 90s when I was working at the Wegmans and I listen and think "OMG I loved that song!"
In any case, I listen to the XM 80's and 90's most, with the country in a close 3rd. I have heard some dandies over the last few weeks, which I will share with you here.
This is How We Do It by Montell Jordan: Ahh, let us rewind to 1996. I can taste the Light Tacos from Taco Bell right now. I bet you forgot they had those! Well they did. They had chicken and some red sauce and I don't think they had cheese or lettuce, but maybe. They were GD good. We would go to the Wegman's softball games, stop at the Taco Bell on the way back and sit in the Appletree Mall parking lot eating the "Light" Tacos, then I think we used to throw the garbage out the window, but maybe not in that lot, maybe on a side road. Boy, I was immature. In any case, we used to listen to this song, and drive around saying "I got the money, 100 dollar bills ya'll." Which sure was the case back then when I was working three jobs and lived at home. Now I got no 100 dollar bills. If I see someone with a hundred dollar bill (ya'll) I say "OMG dude, how did you get that??" Cause let's face it, who uses cash these days?
Return of the Mack by, um, I don't know: See above because we also listened to this song. I remember I got the CD single (It could also probably be the "Greatest Hits" for the dude who sang it) and I gave it to a friend to borrow and she returned it without the case. Yeah, cause that does me a whole lot of good.
If You Leave by OMD: I learned something when this song came on. I learned that OMD stands for Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark (Yes, that is how they spelled Maneuvers) and I immediately emailed Little Jeff because I knew he'd appreciate it. Of course he emailed me back but I didn't get the message cause all the emails going to my account are getting returned to people as undeliverable. But I digress. The other thing I learned is that I still think of little Molly Ringwald in her little pink dress when I hear this song. I think of how cute Little Andrew McCartney was. And I think of how they probably broke up a few weeks later cause while it's nice that Andrew told off BLANE (the major appliance), kids in high school are so effing fickle I'm sure he couldn't take the heat, dumped Molly and went back to banging the popular girls.
Sailing by Christopher Cross: I learned something about this song too. I hate it.
Breakfast at Tiffany's by Deep Blue Something: Let it be known I had to look up the singer because I had no idea who it was. People, let's be honest. This is probably the dumbest song written. They have nothing in common except Breakfast at Tiffany's. Well it's time to break up then. It can't last if you have nothing in common. I know opposites attract, but you'll eventually go crazy if you can't agree on anything. Like Paul and I both agree that Friends is very funny. And we both like Bison Dip. And we both dislike brussel sprouts. As you see, it takes more than just a movie to keep couples together.
2 Legit 2 Quit by MC Hammer: My favorite part of this song (besides the heeey heeeeey by the lady in the background) is that it's got 2's in the Title instead of "Too" and "To." That Hammer. Always proving how dumb he is.
Scar Tissue by the Red Hot Chili Peppers: This is how much of a loser I am - it was on 90s Pop and I just came around to knowing that song in 2004. I thought it came out in like 2003 or something. And I remember I had no idea what he was saying when he was talking about the birds and the lonely view. I think it's about drugs!
Joyride by Roxette: Oman, Roxette. Dare I say I miss them? I enjoy the Joyride, I enjoy the It Must Have Been Love and most of all I enjoy Dangerous. Not so much a fan of Fading Like a Flower, but whatever, you can't please everyone. Having recently learned that they make a Greatest Hits Album, I reviewed the list of songs and decided to save my money and buy the two songs I like off ITunes.
Fancy by Reba McEntire: If you have never heard this song, well get off the stick and listen to it. What a hoot! I still remember the first time I heard it. I was working at Wegmans and heard the song and thought "Oh, what a nice little song about a girl who picked herself up off the ground and make something of her life." The song tells the story of a poor mother and her two kids, Fancy and the kid known as "the baby." Well Fancy turns 18 and her mama puts her in a "red satin dancing dress," throws some rouge on her and gives her some high heels. There is a line in there about just being nice to the gentleman and they'll be nice to you. So I'm like "Oh, she's a dancer!" Well I'm telling my friend Amy about this and she's like "She's a hooker!" Yeah, the dress had a slit up the side "clean up to Reba's Hip" and did I mention that a roach crawled over the toe of her high heeled shoe? Yes, the mother was desperate, so as soon as the girl was legal she sent her off to make some money. Well Fancy sure did make some money. Welfare took the baby and mama died but Fancy did well for herself, landing all these men who took her as their personal slave but who cares cause she's got the mansion and townhouse! My favorite line of the song, and I know I'm not alone on this, is "I might have been born just plain white trash, but Fancy was my name."
Too bad my mother named me Lori. And I don't have a baby brother or high heeled shoes cause maybe I could write a song about my life.
Oh, and did I mention that the mother had a baby but Fancy was 18? Hello - did that mother not learn to keep her legs closed? Well I guess not!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
My Poor Neglected Blog
Oh how I've ignored Dude, WTF for so long. But she was never far from my heart, as daily I find myself uttering "WTF" or screaming out "Dude," - or just starting a sentance with "Dude man, get this." It's all good. I guess I didn't have anything good to say for the last few months. Or maybe I just didn't have time with the wedding planning and the job and stuff. Not saying I don't have PLENTY to do right now, but I'm doing a little thing called "Lunch at the Desk." You know it people - at least you people who get a half hour, like me. But get this - there is a cafeteria in my building, so I get to buy lunch for only $3.50. What a deal! Today I got grilled cheese, tomato soup and fries, plus a cookie and a delicious Snapple. I didn't eat the soup, I was expecting it to taste like hot V8, instead it tasted like tomatoes. Disgust....The grill cheese though. OhMammy, they must use butter here. Lots of butter! On accounta I'm used to making grilled cheese at my parent's house, I always used that fake margarine stuff, like "I can't believe It's Not Butter," or whatever other crap was on sale. Let me say, butter is GOOD shit....
Anyway, if anyone is still reading this feel free to comment and tell me exactly what you'd like me to talk about. Alias is no longer on the air, so I can't write about how that show sucks open ass. I can talk about how The Amazing Race just makes me want to kick in the TeeVee screen because the people on it are so freaking stupid. Or I can talk about Survivor and how this season is so boring I barely stay awake til 9. Oh Oh, I know what I can talk about! We have the DVR and each day the little DVR tapes Melrose Place reruns for me. OhJoy, I can't say enough good things about DVR or Melrose. If you are thinking about getting the DVR or TiVo, just do it! And make sure you get the Soap Network, cause then I'll come over and watch Melrose and 90210 with you! But they just started the reruns of 90210 over again from the beginning and let me say, Shannon Dougherty in 1991 - WOOOF. I don't know what Dylan McKay was thinking, and I'm still wondering how Donna Martin got in the cool crowd. Yeah she's rich, but everyone at the school was, except Brenda and Brandon. That didn't stop Brando from driving a Mustang for 9 seasons. But I digress.
Donna Martin Graduates.
Allan - OUT.
Anyway, if anyone is still reading this feel free to comment and tell me exactly what you'd like me to talk about. Alias is no longer on the air, so I can't write about how that show sucks open ass. I can talk about how The Amazing Race just makes me want to kick in the TeeVee screen because the people on it are so freaking stupid. Or I can talk about Survivor and how this season is so boring I barely stay awake til 9. Oh Oh, I know what I can talk about! We have the DVR and each day the little DVR tapes Melrose Place reruns for me. OhJoy, I can't say enough good things about DVR or Melrose. If you are thinking about getting the DVR or TiVo, just do it! And make sure you get the Soap Network, cause then I'll come over and watch Melrose and 90210 with you! But they just started the reruns of 90210 over again from the beginning and let me say, Shannon Dougherty in 1991 - WOOOF. I don't know what Dylan McKay was thinking, and I'm still wondering how Donna Martin got in the cool crowd. Yeah she's rich, but everyone at the school was, except Brenda and Brandon. That didn't stop Brando from driving a Mustang for 9 seasons. But I digress.
Donna Martin Graduates.
Allan - OUT.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Comments
So someone commented the other day on the Exercise Sandals pointing out why they were called Exercise Sandals, while I insist they just be called Torture Sandals, because they are made of wood with that thin little leather strap and come on, you have to do a lot of work to walk in those. Turns out that is why they are Exercise Sandals, cause your legs have to work while wearing them. Well WTF?? Bring those back! Why would I go to the gym when I can just torture myself all day by wearing the Exercise Sandals and save myself an hour each morning.
A few side notes. The person who left the comment was anonymous, so I don't know who it is, but I would love to ask them "how the eff did you know that??" Or does everyone know Dr. Scholl's secrets but me?
In other news - does anyone else think that Parvati from Survivor is a big old ho? I do....I have her name in the work pool and I'd be happy to see that tramp get voted out just because she needs to get taken down a peg or two....
Werd.
A few side notes. The person who left the comment was anonymous, so I don't know who it is, but I would love to ask them "how the eff did you know that??" Or does everyone know Dr. Scholl's secrets but me?
In other news - does anyone else think that Parvati from Survivor is a big old ho? I do....I have her name in the work pool and I'd be happy to see that tramp get voted out just because she needs to get taken down a peg or two....
Werd.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Quote of the Day
I know it's only 8:30 in the morning but a friend wrote me this morning and within the email was a line so, how shall I say, profound, that I had to make it quote of the day. Now one might say "Lori, the day has just begun." But homey don't play that, I think this deserves it's own day....
And yeah yeah yeah, I never write anymore, blah blah blah. I got shit going on dude!
So here it is...
Things are just ducky here. By ducky, I mean it sucks open ass. - JB
And yeah yeah yeah, I never write anymore, blah blah blah. I got shit going on dude!
So here it is...
Things are just ducky here. By ducky, I mean it sucks open ass. - JB
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Til Death Do Us Part (My Ass)
Dude, I just read that Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra are ending their marriage.
I wonder what did it for them. Was it the fact that he wore more makeup than her during their wedding (and every day for that matter)? That he had his nails done for the wedding and she didn't? That he takes longer than her to get ready in the morning and uses more hairspray for that matter? That he secretly wants to be a woman? That he's trying to bed reality TV babes? Who knows!!!!!!! All I can say is, I'm speechless. I thought those kids were going to last forever, but I should have known better. Since Heather Locklear and Tommy Lee broke up, nothing shocks me. I thought those kids were going to make it too. Them and Eddie Van Halen and Valerie Burtanelli. And Brad and Jen.
Boy, was I wrong!
Rest In Peace Navarro Marriage (2003-2006). Rest. In. Peace.
I wonder what did it for them. Was it the fact that he wore more makeup than her during their wedding (and every day for that matter)? That he had his nails done for the wedding and she didn't? That he takes longer than her to get ready in the morning and uses more hairspray for that matter? That he secretly wants to be a woman? That he's trying to bed reality TV babes? Who knows!!!!!!! All I can say is, I'm speechless. I thought those kids were going to last forever, but I should have known better. Since Heather Locklear and Tommy Lee broke up, nothing shocks me. I thought those kids were going to make it too. Them and Eddie Van Halen and Valerie Burtanelli. And Brad and Jen.
Boy, was I wrong!
Rest In Peace Navarro Marriage (2003-2006). Rest. In. Peace.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
What an Injustice!
Well ain't this about a bitch??????
This dude effs over hundreds of people by ruining their futures and retirements, is found guilty of multiple crimes, and dies before sentancing? Boy did HE get off easy. I would have loved to hear the stories of Ken Lay in the "Federal Pound Me In the Ass Prison."
As Mammie from Gone With the Wind would say, It ain't fittin, it just ain't fittin.
This dude effs over hundreds of people by ruining their futures and retirements, is found guilty of multiple crimes, and dies before sentancing? Boy did HE get off easy. I would have loved to hear the stories of Ken Lay in the "Federal Pound Me In the Ass Prison."
As Mammie from Gone With the Wind would say, It ain't fittin, it just ain't fittin.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Patience People!
Boy, my readers sure are fickle. I ask and ask for them to post comments and they ignore me. Then I go on vacation for a week and don't post and THEN the comments start flowing in. Post already, Post already. People, please, give me a chance to explain. I did post yesterday. I posted a definition for the Urban Dictionary that I laughed my ass off over. But guess what I did? I posted it to the WRONG blog. I accidentally put it on a blog that I use for work, and I swore on the posting no less. Then, host of hosts, our internet connection went down. I nearly shit my pants worrying that someone would view it and report me. Luckily I called P at home and had him remove the post.
But here it is for those who care. I peed my pants over this.
Urban Dictionary - Gooze
So Vegas was good fun, even though it was Africa Hot. I came home with no tan, and I was out in the sun one day and came back in that day with a mustache. I have no idea what happen, if the tanning oil did or didn't get on the area above my lip, but sometimes when I glance in the mirror it seriously looks like I have a stache. I hope this fades soon, I hate seeing it and makeup won't cover it. And no, I can't wax it, the hair is blonde, no sense in going through the pain if it won't do anything.
But if anyone calls me Sanchez, I'll kill you.
How about a big shout out to DMC for celebrating his big 19th birthday yesterday? I called him to say Happy Birthday. Twice. I didn't hear MY phone ringing with a return call though. Typical!
Punishment!!!!!!!
But here it is for those who care. I peed my pants over this.
Urban Dictionary - Gooze
So Vegas was good fun, even though it was Africa Hot. I came home with no tan, and I was out in the sun one day and came back in that day with a mustache. I have no idea what happen, if the tanning oil did or didn't get on the area above my lip, but sometimes when I glance in the mirror it seriously looks like I have a stache. I hope this fades soon, I hate seeing it and makeup won't cover it. And no, I can't wax it, the hair is blonde, no sense in going through the pain if it won't do anything.
But if anyone calls me Sanchez, I'll kill you.
How about a big shout out to DMC for celebrating his big 19th birthday yesterday? I called him to say Happy Birthday. Twice. I didn't hear MY phone ringing with a return call though. Typical!
Punishment!!!!!!!
Friday, June 16, 2006
The Lie Clock
TeeHeeHee
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind St. Peter.
"What are all those clocks?" he asked.
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible", said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock," St. Peter answered. "The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus's office," St. Peter said. "He's using it as a ceiling fan."
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind St. Peter.
"What are all those clocks?" he asked.
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible", said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock," St. Peter answered. "The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus's office," St. Peter said. "He's using it as a ceiling fan."
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Hey Madonna - Take Off the Legwarmers and Get in the 2000s!
I found this on MSNBC this morning. I had to post it and note that Madonna is another person who needs to get the fuck over herself. Perhaps her, Angelina and Brad can all start hanging around together. Then again, they'd probably start a club open to only them, not making it much of a club, save for the fact that they are all over rated.
Kabbalah ends Madonna-Britney friendship
By Jeannette Walls
MSNBC
Updated: 2:49 a.m. ET June 13, 2006
Looks like smooch-buddies Madonna and Britney Spears are buddies no more.
When the two locked lips on MTV, it made news around the world. Now, Madonna has reportedly dumped Spears because the “Oops I Did It Again” crooner has bailed on Kabbalah.
Madonna spent a great deal of time and money wooing the younger singer into the Kabbalah fold, and it worked for at least a while; Spears was spotted wearing the trendy religion’s trademark red string bracelet and toting around Kabbalah books.
But not long ago, Spears publicly ditched the mystical offshoot of Judaism, writing on her Web site: “I no longer study Kabbalah, my baby is my religion.” Spears, who was raised a Baptist, has allegedly been consulting with a “Christian Life Coach” about her troubled marriage to Kevin Federline.
“Madonna spent months teaching Britney the Kabbalah system and splashed out thousands on the ancient scripture for her,” according to a source quoted by Virgin.net, which is further reporting that Madonna is demanding that Spears return the twelfth-century book on Kabbalah that she gave her as a wedding present. Madonna’s rep had no comment by press time, but the source said: “She feels she has wasted time, money and precious gifts on Brit.”
I LOOOOOOOVE the part about how Madonna wants her book back. It's just so "you pushed me on the playground and I'm telling my mommy on you."
Can the world give me some good celebrity news soon?
Kabbalah ends Madonna-Britney friendship
By Jeannette Walls
MSNBC
Updated: 2:49 a.m. ET June 13, 2006
Looks like smooch-buddies Madonna and Britney Spears are buddies no more.
When the two locked lips on MTV, it made news around the world. Now, Madonna has reportedly dumped Spears because the “Oops I Did It Again” crooner has bailed on Kabbalah.
Madonna spent a great deal of time and money wooing the younger singer into the Kabbalah fold, and it worked for at least a while; Spears was spotted wearing the trendy religion’s trademark red string bracelet and toting around Kabbalah books.
But not long ago, Spears publicly ditched the mystical offshoot of Judaism, writing on her Web site: “I no longer study Kabbalah, my baby is my religion.” Spears, who was raised a Baptist, has allegedly been consulting with a “Christian Life Coach” about her troubled marriage to Kevin Federline.
“Madonna spent months teaching Britney the Kabbalah system and splashed out thousands on the ancient scripture for her,” according to a source quoted by Virgin.net, which is further reporting that Madonna is demanding that Spears return the twelfth-century book on Kabbalah that she gave her as a wedding present. Madonna’s rep had no comment by press time, but the source said: “She feels she has wasted time, money and precious gifts on Brit.”
I LOOOOOOOVE the part about how Madonna wants her book back. It's just so "you pushed me on the playground and I'm telling my mommy on you."
Can the world give me some good celebrity news soon?
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Happy Birthday To You
Today is Maddie Moo Moo's first birthday - I can't believe how fast it went. We went to her birthday party yesterday and she got a billion presents. No kidding. A billion. There were presents everywhere. I got her a car for when she turns 16. OK, I actually got her two containers of Puffs (her favorite food) and money, but I'm sure somewhere in that pile she got a car. I left partly into the presents to go see Jack and then came back 10 minutes later and they were STILL opening presents. I told my mom "this reminds me of my first birthday," and she gave me the look that says "Dude, WTF..." Cause I can't remember that shit.
Anyway, Happy Birthday to you Maddie.
Anyway, Happy Birthday to you Maddie.
Angelina - Get Over Yourself
Is it me, or do Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt really need to get over themselves????
If you are saying no, click here.
If you still think they are cool, send me a comment, cause I'm trying to figure out if they are a bunch of a-holes or if I'm just being a bitch. Because while I realize people are going to jump on the bandwagon of them having a baby, I think they should get back to life and focus on what they do best, which is making shitty movies. I mean, you know everyone is on the edge of their seats waiting for Lara Croft Tomb Raider Part III. Or, maybe Angelina will play another crazy person who is easy and has bad hair and get an Oscar! That is a surefire way to get one. Play a crazy, a hooker, a serial killer*, or a fiesty attorney's assistant with big hooters.
*Note: Serial killer is not a surefire way to win, but the nomination will be a sure thing.
If you are saying no, click here.
If you still think they are cool, send me a comment, cause I'm trying to figure out if they are a bunch of a-holes or if I'm just being a bitch. Because while I realize people are going to jump on the bandwagon of them having a baby, I think they should get back to life and focus on what they do best, which is making shitty movies. I mean, you know everyone is on the edge of their seats waiting for Lara Croft Tomb Raider Part III. Or, maybe Angelina will play another crazy person who is easy and has bad hair and get an Oscar! That is a surefire way to get one. Play a crazy, a hooker, a serial killer*, or a fiesty attorney's assistant with big hooters.
*Note: Serial killer is not a surefire way to win, but the nomination will be a sure thing.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
The Shuttle Ride with the Big Jerk
Today I had to take my car in to get the air fixed (thank the Jesus) and I had to take the little Courtesy Shuttle to work. There is always a nice man driving it who makes conversation, but inevitably, there is always a big asshole in the shuttle. And today was no exception. I remember once they picked up from the Porshe Dealer in the back and the guy there was a jerk. But today, the jerk was picked up from the Toyota Dealer (they sell a lot of car brands at this joint.)
Anyway, the driver was chatting about how the storm last night woke him up, and said 'Oh, did you hear it?' and Asshole says "it was kind of hard not to." Yeah, well LoriV didn't hear it. LoriV had the air on, the window shut and was tired from waking up at 5 that morning. So LoriV slept through the "storm that was hard to miss." Anyway, I'm always the last one to be dropped off, but this time the driver decided to take me to work first, then drop this guy off at UB on the way there. That is where Asshole worked. UB. I said "Oh, are you a professor there?" and he said "Yes." And I said "What do you teach?" and he said "Ecology in the biology department." So I went on to say that my cousin is majoring in bio-sciences and that it's really tough and how he's a smart kid and I can't imagine how hard it must be, to which Asshole replied "well you know these kids come from these high schools thinking they are smart and then they realize that high school was easy." So I was like "Yeah," which wasn't terribly original, but you know, what do you say to that? More on that later.
So we are driving and I asked if he taught a summer class and he said "No, I'm working on research now," and I said "Oh, to be published," and he said "Well the whole point of doing research is to get published so you can share the findings with everyone else," and I was like this. "Oh - haha, yeah right."
And then I sat back and started to think.
And THEN I said to myself (and wanted to say out loud) "You're an ASSHOLE."
First off, I thought maybe he was doing research for next semester, to CHANGE up what he taught in his class, instead of teaching the same old lessons over and over. I was wrong. Second of all, who does this Asshole think he is? I had a good mind to say "Um, No SIR, my cousin is in fact smart, but there are Asshole professors at UB (like you) who don't teach properly, and just mumble lessons and make students feel stupid when they ask questions." And no, that wasn't my cousin who asked the question, it was another girl in the class who was told by the professor that maybe she was too stupid to be taking the class. But I digress.
This man was an Asshole. I spent the rest of the time with my eyes closed, until we got closer to the city and I started talking to the van driver, but then Asshole was laughing at what I was saying and I wanted to be like "Well if Asshole thinks it's funny I should be quiet," and then I thought "Asshole." Then I was quiet. So they got me to work and I thought "this poor driver, he has to put up with this Asshole another nine miles up the road." Hopefully he didn't hit any traffic lights.
Onward...
Paul sent me a link today to a freaking hilarious blog about a guy who bought a junk laptop on Ebay but the guy who sold it forgot to delete his hard drive from it. I laughed my ass off and you will too. Click here.
Saturday, June 3 is the Race for the Cure. We are 50 bucks away from our Team Vallon goal of raising $1,000. The soda sales at work are a little slow (I guess people prefer Pepsi over Coke) but I think I'm going to have another $25 bucks from that when all is said and done. So if one more person donates or joints we'll be set. You should join. Go here.
Oh, and one a happy note, my car is covered under warranty, so I don't have to pay for my AC to be fixed. On a sad note, they had to replace the condensor because it was leaking. The sad part is that they just replaced the condensor last year, which means that part lasted approximately 10 months (I got it replaced last July.) What kind of shoddy parts is GM pumping out that a $900 piece of equipment can't last for longer than 10 months? I don't know. But I think that the man who wrote the commentary in the Buffalo News a few weeks back about how Americans are bitter about autoworkers getting good benefits and how autoworkers have high standards needs to meet with me for a few minutes so I can ask him "Dude, WTF???"
Anyway, the driver was chatting about how the storm last night woke him up, and said 'Oh, did you hear it?' and Asshole says "it was kind of hard not to." Yeah, well LoriV didn't hear it. LoriV had the air on, the window shut and was tired from waking up at 5 that morning. So LoriV slept through the "storm that was hard to miss." Anyway, I'm always the last one to be dropped off, but this time the driver decided to take me to work first, then drop this guy off at UB on the way there. That is where Asshole worked. UB. I said "Oh, are you a professor there?" and he said "Yes." And I said "What do you teach?" and he said "Ecology in the biology department." So I went on to say that my cousin is majoring in bio-sciences and that it's really tough and how he's a smart kid and I can't imagine how hard it must be, to which Asshole replied "well you know these kids come from these high schools thinking they are smart and then they realize that high school was easy." So I was like "Yeah," which wasn't terribly original, but you know, what do you say to that? More on that later.
So we are driving and I asked if he taught a summer class and he said "No, I'm working on research now," and I said "Oh, to be published," and he said "Well the whole point of doing research is to get published so you can share the findings with everyone else," and I was like this. "Oh - haha, yeah right."
And then I sat back and started to think.
And THEN I said to myself (and wanted to say out loud) "You're an ASSHOLE."
First off, I thought maybe he was doing research for next semester, to CHANGE up what he taught in his class, instead of teaching the same old lessons over and over. I was wrong. Second of all, who does this Asshole think he is? I had a good mind to say "Um, No SIR, my cousin is in fact smart, but there are Asshole professors at UB (like you) who don't teach properly, and just mumble lessons and make students feel stupid when they ask questions." And no, that wasn't my cousin who asked the question, it was another girl in the class who was told by the professor that maybe she was too stupid to be taking the class. But I digress.
This man was an Asshole. I spent the rest of the time with my eyes closed, until we got closer to the city and I started talking to the van driver, but then Asshole was laughing at what I was saying and I wanted to be like "Well if Asshole thinks it's funny I should be quiet," and then I thought "Asshole." Then I was quiet. So they got me to work and I thought "this poor driver, he has to put up with this Asshole another nine miles up the road." Hopefully he didn't hit any traffic lights.
Onward...
Paul sent me a link today to a freaking hilarious blog about a guy who bought a junk laptop on Ebay but the guy who sold it forgot to delete his hard drive from it. I laughed my ass off and you will too. Click here.
Saturday, June 3 is the Race for the Cure. We are 50 bucks away from our Team Vallon goal of raising $1,000. The soda sales at work are a little slow (I guess people prefer Pepsi over Coke) but I think I'm going to have another $25 bucks from that when all is said and done. So if one more person donates or joints we'll be set. You should join. Go here.
Oh, and one a happy note, my car is covered under warranty, so I don't have to pay for my AC to be fixed. On a sad note, they had to replace the condensor because it was leaking. The sad part is that they just replaced the condensor last year, which means that part lasted approximately 10 months (I got it replaced last July.) What kind of shoddy parts is GM pumping out that a $900 piece of equipment can't last for longer than 10 months? I don't know. But I think that the man who wrote the commentary in the Buffalo News a few weeks back about how Americans are bitter about autoworkers getting good benefits and how autoworkers have high standards needs to meet with me for a few minutes so I can ask him "Dude, WTF???"
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Office Memo
Please note that at this year's Office Picnic there will be only one alcoholic drink per person; please bring your OWN cup .
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