Hey Madonna - Take Off the Legwarmers and Get in the 2000s!

I found this on MSNBC this morning. I had to post it and note that Madonna is another person who needs to get the fuck over herself. Perhaps her, Angelina and Brad can all start hanging around together. Then again, they'd probably start a club open to only them, not making it much of a club, save for the fact that they are all over rated.

Kabbalah ends Madonna-Britney friendship

By Jeannette Walls
MSNBC
Updated: 2:49 a.m. ET June 13, 2006

Looks like smooch-buddies Madonna and Britney Spears are buddies no more.

When the two locked lips on MTV, it made news around the world. Now, Madonna has reportedly dumped Spears because the “Oops I Did It Again” crooner has bailed on Kabbalah.
Madonna spent a great deal of time and money wooing the younger singer into the Kabbalah fold, and it worked for at least a while; Spears was spotted wearing the trendy religion’s trademark red string bracelet and toting around Kabbalah books.

But not long ago, Spears publicly ditched the mystical offshoot of Judaism, writing on her Web site: “I no longer study Kabbalah, my baby is my religion.” Spears, who was raised a Baptist, has allegedly been consulting with a “Christian Life Coach” about her troubled marriage to Kevin Federline.

“Madonna spent months teaching Britney the Kabbalah system and splashed out thousands on the ancient scripture for her,” according to a source quoted by Virgin.net, which is further reporting that Madonna is demanding that Spears return the twelfth-century book on Kabbalah that she gave her as a wedding present. Madonna’s rep had no comment by press time, but the source said: “She feels she has wasted time, money and precious gifts on Brit.”

I LOOOOOOOVE the part about how Madonna wants her book back. It's just so "you pushed me on the playground and I'm telling my mommy on you."

Can the world give me some good celebrity news soon?

Happy Birthday To You

Today is Maddie Moo Moo's first birthday - I can't believe how fast it went. We went to her birthday party yesterday and she got a billion presents. No kidding. A billion. There were presents everywhere. I got her a car for when she turns 16. OK, I actually got her two containers of Puffs (her favorite food) and money, but I'm sure somewhere in that pile she got a car. I left partly into the presents to go see Jack and then came back 10 minutes later and they were STILL opening presents. I told my mom "this reminds me of my first birthday," and she gave me the look that says "Dude, WTF..." Cause I can't remember that shit.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to you Maddie.

Angelina - Get Over Yourself

Is it me, or do Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt really need to get over themselves????

If you are saying no, click here.

If you still think they are cool, send me a comment, cause I'm trying to figure out if they are a bunch of a-holes or if I'm just being a bitch. Because while I realize people are going to jump on the bandwagon of them having a baby, I think they should get back to life and focus on what they do best, which is making shitty movies. I mean, you know everyone is on the edge of their seats waiting for Lara Croft Tomb Raider Part III. Or, maybe Angelina will play another crazy person who is easy and has bad hair and get an Oscar! That is a surefire way to get one. Play a crazy, a hooker, a serial killer*, or a fiesty attorney's assistant with big hooters.

*Note: Serial killer is not a surefire way to win, but the nomination will be a sure thing.

The Shuttle Ride with the Big Jerk

Today I had to take my car in to get the air fixed (thank the Jesus) and I had to take the little Courtesy Shuttle to work. There is always a nice man driving it who makes conversation, but inevitably, there is always a big asshole in the shuttle. And today was no exception. I remember once they picked up from the Porshe Dealer in the back and the guy there was a jerk. But today, the jerk was picked up from the Toyota Dealer (they sell a lot of car brands at this joint.)

Anyway, the driver was chatting about how the storm last night woke him up, and said 'Oh, did you hear it?' and Asshole says "it was kind of hard not to." Yeah, well LoriV didn't hear it. LoriV had the air on, the window shut and was tired from waking up at 5 that morning. So LoriV slept through the "storm that was hard to miss." Anyway, I'm always the last one to be dropped off, but this time the driver decided to take me to work first, then drop this guy off at UB on the way there. That is where Asshole worked. UB. I said "Oh, are you a professor there?" and he said "Yes." And I said "What do you teach?" and he said "Ecology in the biology department." So I went on to say that my cousin is majoring in bio-sciences and that it's really tough and how he's a smart kid and I can't imagine how hard it must be, to which Asshole replied "well you know these kids come from these high schools thinking they are smart and then they realize that high school was easy." So I was like "Yeah," which wasn't terribly original, but you know, what do you say to that? More on that later.

So we are driving and I asked if he taught a summer class and he said "No, I'm working on research now," and I said "Oh, to be published," and he said "Well the whole point of doing research is to get published so you can share the findings with everyone else," and I was like this. "Oh - haha, yeah right."

And then I sat back and started to think.

And THEN I said to myself (and wanted to say out loud) "You're an ASSHOLE."

First off, I thought maybe he was doing research for next semester, to CHANGE up what he taught in his class, instead of teaching the same old lessons over and over. I was wrong. Second of all, who does this Asshole think he is? I had a good mind to say "Um, No SIR, my cousin is in fact smart, but there are Asshole professors at UB (like you) who don't teach properly, and just mumble lessons and make students feel stupid when they ask questions." And no, that wasn't my cousin who asked the question, it was another girl in the class who was told by the professor that maybe she was too stupid to be taking the class. But I digress.

This man was an Asshole. I spent the rest of the time with my eyes closed, until we got closer to the city and I started talking to the van driver, but then Asshole was laughing at what I was saying and I wanted to be like "Well if Asshole thinks it's funny I should be quiet," and then I thought "Asshole." Then I was quiet. So they got me to work and I thought "this poor driver, he has to put up with this Asshole another nine miles up the road." Hopefully he didn't hit any traffic lights.

Onward...

Paul sent me a link today to a freaking hilarious blog about a guy who bought a junk laptop on Ebay but the guy who sold it forgot to delete his hard drive from it. I laughed my ass off and you will too. Click here.

Saturday, June 3 is the Race for the Cure. We are 50 bucks away from our Team Vallon goal of raising $1,000. The soda sales at work are a little slow (I guess people prefer Pepsi over Coke) but I think I'm going to have another $25 bucks from that when all is said and done. So if one more person donates or joints we'll be set. You should join. Go here.

Oh, and one a happy note, my car is covered under warranty, so I don't have to pay for my AC to be fixed. On a sad note, they had to replace the condensor because it was leaking. The sad part is that they just replaced the condensor last year, which means that part lasted approximately 10 months (I got it replaced last July.) What kind of shoddy parts is GM pumping out that a $900 piece of equipment can't last for longer than 10 months? I don't know. But I think that the man who wrote the commentary in the Buffalo News a few weeks back about how Americans are bitter about autoworkers getting good benefits and how autoworkers have high standards needs to meet with me for a few minutes so I can ask him "Dude, WTF???"

Office Memo

Please note that at this year's Office Picnic there will be only one alcoholic drink per person; please bring your OWN cup .

Maddie Moo Moo Grows Up Fast!

Boneless Chuck

So I was reading through some old West Seneca Bees (props for saving them Marcy!) and I usually don't read the Police Blotter but the headline caught my attention.

Chuck Roast Put in Pants

In BOLD!

It seems "on Friday, October 28, 2005, a white male suspect in his forties left the Wegmans store on Orchard Park Road wiht a boneless chuck roast in his pants."

Several questions have arisen in my mind.

1. Why would you put Chuck Roast Put in Pants as the title? I thought about it and realized they were smart for doing it, as it got me to read more in the blotter. But still. Have some dignity people.

2. Why would you put a chuck roast in your pants. It was in October, which would be fine time to wear a coat. Do you really want to put a package of meat, which could leak, in your pants?

3. How the hell did these workers know it was boneless? Were they that close to this man? Or did they just go over to meat and note there was a boneless chuck missing, as opposed to a bone-in chuck? Couldn't they have just said "chuck roast" and left out the boneless part? It just brings up way too many questions.

There you have it. My excitement for yesterday (besides the Blender lists and Bono's haircut.)

I LOVE THE INTERNET!

Did you ever have one of those days when you were bored and wanted to surf the web but it seems like there was NOTHING that you could find that was interesting? Well today isn't one of those days!

First, I was sent a link about someone named Brandon Davis (I think) dissing on Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton was with him giggling like a mother fucker cause she thought it was just hilarious that he decided to walk along the street on their way to wherever they were going and talk bad about her for no reason. I remember when people I knew used to do that. That was back when I was 15! If you would like to see the article and watch the video, click here!

Note: I have no idea who Brandon Davis is, but the article says he's a millionaire, the grandson of some late millionaire who I guess left him some money. I guess he forgot to pass on "a clue" to young Brandon.

Anoter note: Someone pointed out to me about an hour ago that at least Lindsey Lohan does work. And he has a good point. I'm not crazy about her, but she does have a bunch of movies under her belt. What is Paris doing? As my friend put it, she hit the genetic lottery, and boy, do I agree!

Next up, I scrolled down to the bottom of that page and saw something about Bono. Of course, I clicked on it. BONO GOT A HAIRCUT!!!!!!!! Hot diggety! That isn't what the article was about, only myself and a few other Bono fans get excited about that stuff. This was about Bono posing with some cell phones and I guess the company is helping out with the African Debt. The title of the article was Bono and Motorola Do Red. When I first read it I thought "Oh, he's been hanging out with more models" because I thought the name Motorola Do Red was someone's name. It isn't!

You can see the article by clicking here. Also, you can view the comments of a young man named rob enderle who is scathing about Bono's humanitarian efforts. I don't know what Bono did to him, but he is MAD! rob refers to Bono as "a tool used to give white people some sense that they are doing something while at the same time making sure that mulinationals that rape and pillage the planet still can do it with a clean conscience." Dude, get out of the bitter barn and come play in the hay...

Coincidentally, it drives me bonkers when people post things on websites and don't capitalize their name. If you are going to take the time to post, you can take the time to hit "shift" when typing the R and E in your name! In any case, I just commented back to him, but it's being reviewed before it gets posted. Good thing my salty language didn't come out.

Onward and upward.

After reading about Bono (and his haircut) I stumbled onto the Blender Magazine Website when the article "The 50 Worst Things Ever to Happen to Music" caught my eye. If you want to read it, click here. It was OK. Not great, not bad. But then I spied with my little eye the 50 Worst Songs Ever! To my horror, I have like all of them on my Itunes, or on CD. Is this some kind of sick joke? Or do I just like bad music? Or a little bit of both. I notice that they poked fun of all the music that they would never talk about in Blender. You didn't see any mention of a bad Nirvana song, no mocking of Good Charlotte or Blink 182, but you know that ALL their songs weren't good! But I digress. The song "The Final Countdown" by Europe is on that list. Wait until I tell Jane, she'll be outraged. Actually, I'm torn up. They used to blare that out of large speakers when I went to the Barnabas Lawn Fete each year when I was like 10, and I thought it was way cool. I obviously have lot to learn.

Anyway, if you go to the Blender Site they have a whole bunch of other lists, including:

The 50 Worst Artists in Music History!

500 CDs You Must Own Before You Die!

The 50 Most Awesomely Dead Rock Stars! and;

The 500 Greatest Songs Since You Were Born! Not to ruin anything, but Billy Jean was number one. Yeah, that video was the freaking bomb! Number 2 was the song B.O.B by Outkast. Um, OK. Number 3 is Sweet Child of Mine by Guns N' Roses. OK I agree with them there, but I'm not digging on number 2.

Oh, I just scrolled down and number 4 is One by U2.

I LOVE BLENDER!

I LOVE THE INTERNET!

All is right with the world.

Please Paul - You Can Do Better Than That!

I just read an article on AOL that says that Paul McCartney and his wife Heather Mills, AKA, has one leg, are seperating after four years of marriage. You can read this article here.

I will copy the lead which I found so very interesting.

Former Beatle Paul McCartney and his second wife, Heather Mills McCartney, said Wednesday that they are separating after nearly four years of marriage, blaming intrusion from the media and insisting their split is amicable.

Ok. Can someone clear this up for me? Paul McCartney WAS in fact married to Linda McCartney for some of those those years he was in the Beatles right? And weren't they like always in front of the camera? And wasn't someone always trying to take thier picture and get up in their grill? And then they were in Wings, which sucked, but still, the cameras were still rolling and you couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting a radio playing Band On the Run. Yeah, I thought so. Yet these two can't keep it together for longer than four years, and blame the media?? And of course, they had to have a kid, even though he's a FOSSIL! He probably regales the kid with stories about how he got his driver's license driving a Model T and how it broke him up when the Titanic went down.

OK, OK - so he's not that old. But you get my drift.

Anyway, I think the media excuse is bogus. All these celebrities are like "get me on TV, get me on TV," and they want to be famous, but then when it gets to be too much they cry and whine like little babies. Don't give me that crap about going in show business so you can practice your "craft." Don't wanna hear it. At any given time, you can go away. And most of the time, we are more than happy to see you go (thank you Jessica Beil for fading into the sun!) But don't give me the "I just want to do my job and do it well and have my privacy." And I bet you want your million dollars for working three weeks, don't you? Yeah, can't have it both ways.

So in conclusion - I'm not bitter about celebrities. I think they just need to fess up, take credit for thier problems and not blame TV cameras for their downfalls. Because the only one I'm listening to that line from is Princess Diana.

An Actual Email Which I Just Received

Someone forwarded me an email because they thought I'd get a kick out of the subject line.

Well I did!

Here is the subject.

Strategies for Better Bladder Control Wednesday Night

Um. OK.

Mind you, this isn't spam. It's the real deal. You know you all want to leard about Better Bladdar Control, people!

Memories from Childhood

I got an email recently of all these things from the 1970s and since I'm mostly an 80s baby, a lot of them didn't pertain. But a few of them did.

First, the Donnie and Marie Doll. I had these. Sadly. I got them from McCrory's at the old Como Mall (now the Appletree Business Park.) I might have even got them in the 1980s, but maybe they were just carry overs from ones that didn't sell in the 70s. No doubt. Donnie was the only boy "Barbie" doll that I had, as I never got an official "Ken" doll. I got through it. He had this fly outift on, and came complete with his own silver microphone which attached to his hand. Marie had one too, and by the time she got retired in the late 80s, her dress, with the fun scraggly fabric, was all rolling up at the bottom and looked awful. But from what I remember, she fit into all the traditional Barbie clothing, so she did fine. A few years after I got her, I got Pretty In Pink Barbie for passing my swimming test (that was in the first grade.) Now I don't have a picture of Pretty in Pink Barbie, but she was way hot. Now I know Peaches N Cream Barbie knocked her out of the water a year later, but pretty soon Day to Night Barbie hit the scene and kicked both of them to the curb.

Onward to something I wanted, but never actually got. I always wanted an official pair of Dr. Scholl's Clogs. I wanted the "real deal" clogs, the ones that covered the whole front and top of your foot. My best friend had them in Blue, and man, they were phat. She let me wear them around her room, but never for that long. What a bitch. (She knows that she was a bitch back then, I have told her and she agreed.) I did have a pair of the "other" kind of clogs (pictured here.) They were from KMart, and I'm not sure if they were actual Dr. Scholl's, they could have been but they might as well have been Zzips for all I cared. (Zzips was the generic brand of sneakers from KMart, also known as Buddies, more on that later.) Sure these clog sandals were loud, but you couldn't exactly wear them year round. The full clog could be worn year round, esp. cause you wore them with socks.

On a side note, these are labeled Exercise Sandals. I'm sorry. What exercises did they think we'd be doing in these? I remember playing hopscotch and the bastards flying off!

Back to Zzips. I remember sitting in the cart at KMart and listening to the jingle about Zzips and thinking they were cool. Of course I was like 5. Obviously if I fit into the cart, duh. Anyway - if you got these and were in like first grade, that was fine. But if you busted in wearing Zzips in 5th grade, you'd hear this

"Buddies, Buddies make your feet feel fine, Buddies, Buddies sale for $1.99"

Obviously I did not want to wear Buddies. Boy, kids can be so cruel! I do recall getting dressed like a real dork back in the day. I had the generic jeans, I remember my best friend had Jordache Jeans - REAL Jordache Jeans that cost $29.99. What a bitch! When you were 7, $29.99 was a lot of money. Looking back I realize that I'm fine for having worn generic, but I am still not over those Clogs. I bet they'll come back again. All things come back. Maybe one day I'll have a chance to buy them again, in blue, in a size 9. And I'll probably wear them one time and think "what was I thinking wanting a pair of shoes made of wood?" and never wear them again.

And by the by - am I the only one who misses the Como Mall? Iwent to see many, many $1.50 movies there on a Friday night, and purchased many many boxes of 3/$1 candy at the McCrory's. Coincidentally, I also owned a shirt from McCrory's. I can admit that now because it was in 7th grade. I told you I was a dork, dudes!

I Don't Think I Want To Eat Here!

Idol In a Nutshell

I wrote this last week to my friend who is a fan of American Idol and decided to share it here because she found it funny. I could go on forever with this, Paula shaking her head vigorously, Randy looking at Simon like he has two heads, but you get my gist.

Randy: "Dog, Dog, I am just not feeling it."
Paula: "I thought you were good, but maybe you can pick a better song next time. Keep at it, keep at it."
Simon: You reek. That was not good.
Paula: NOOOOOO NOOOOO (Waving hands all around)
Randy: OHHHH That’s harsh dog, that’s harsh

Cut to Seacrest, in his fancy suit and dippety do'd hair.

Sanity Gone!

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

7. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

8. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

9. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

10. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

11. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

12. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

14. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

15. Tell Your Children Over Dinner "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

What About A Real Season Yo?

So I'm watching Desperate Housewives right now and I just saw an advertisement for the Season Finale of What about Brian? Well Yo, wasn't it just a few weeks back (like four) that I was writing about the Season Premier of What about Brian? Since when was five shows enough to get someone hooked, give them the finale and expect that they would come back? Unless you are talking about Deal or No Deal. Which, by the by, is so damned dramatic. I like how Howie all pumps it up and is like "You'll find out after this commercial break." You know they are going to screw the pooch anyway, they are going to say No Deal when they are offered $200,000 cuase they are hoping for more. Dude, I'd take the $200,000! When else would you be offered up that sort of money. Take it stupid!

On a side note, this DH episode is wicked boring. I was so bored whilst watching that I logged onto my work account to check email. Now you KNOW it's boring then.

On another side note, we have had no heat in our apartment for the past two weeks. Which was fine up until last night, when I think it was like 30 degrees or some shit, and in my apartment it was like 62 and I'm not used to that anymore. It was like being back at my parent's house when I used to have to put my feet underneath the matress while on the computer just to warm up. I had to put on long pants, a sweater and my fuzzy socks and bring an extra blanket into bed. I should call maintenance, but I always forget until the weekends when I'm here and I'm freezing. Perhaps I should email them right now! That would be the smart thing to do.

DH still boring....

I have had a craving for ice cream for about three hours now and there is none to be found in my freezer. I'm thinking about knocking on the neighbor's doors to ask around. Think anyone else in the building would think that was wierd? I mean, one time I did lend a can opener to my neighbor. It would be just like that!

Ice cream.......

I'm Officially Lost

Shit Yo - Lost just keeps getting wierder and wierder. I watched the last 15 minutes of it last night and my mouth was hanging on the freaking ground, then everyone I was with didn't watch the show, so they could care less, and they started talking about normal things like ice cream and vacations and I was there "Did ya see that? Did Ya SEE THAT???" WTF yo - WTF....They better clear up some of this stuff. And they better not pull this type of stuff for the finale, cause I'll be sitting there all summer going "Wtf yo, wtf yo" just like I am right now!

So WTF???

I went to Roadhouse last night and my friend's son wanted Mac and Cheese, so we go thim Mac and Cheese. Dude, it's KRAFT Mac and Cheese. It cost 3.99 for Mac and Fries, and you can make that at home for like a buck. You can buy a sixer of Mac and Cheese for that money. And after he ate all his Mac he said "I want more Mac and Cheese" and I was like "sorry dude, gotta eat the fries unless you want some of my Roadie (with onions!)." That went over like a fart in church.

So dudes, the other day, Kristen said that she'd be all over something like a Hobo on a Ham Sandwich and she has said it before, but this time it struck me as SUPER funny, and I've decided that I'd like to start saying it more. I mean come on -a hobo on a ham sandwich? Hilarious!!!

In other news, my car inspection is expired and I just noticed last night. I said to myself "self, how did this happen??" cause usually I'm on that shit like a Hobo on a Ham Sandwich (see???) But it did without me noticing...So now I'm being very careful about going through yellow lights, just in case, and I don't like doing that, I say yellow is as good as green, just GO GO GO! I'm going to get it inspected this afternoon, so I'll be back to my antics once again. I just hope they have some donuts in the "courtesy lounge" at Culligan cause the TeeVee is always on some sport station there watching some stupid ass racing or something and I gotta find someway to entertain myself.....

Officially, I'm Offended

Comments

So dude, WTF - I'm not getting any comments from real people - I'm only getting comments that are like, SPAM! I don't like that. I know I can learn how to make money from home, but please, does that Spammer need to tell me 18 times? NO, I read it once and I absorbed it, it's all good!

So people - leave me some comments or I might cry.

And if you want to hear some exciting news, you should really all call me on the phone!!!!

I Still Got The Sickness

I got the sickness still, but now it's moved into my head so I have a nice stuffiness going on and my voice sounds all wierd. At least it's something that people can hear, it's always hard to be like 'I'm sick' but if you sound sick, then people might actually THINK it's true. Which I hope they do. I would have stayed home but with a day like today, when it's 72 degrees, you just KNOW you'd come back to the "Oh, feeling better?" in that "tone" which means they don't believe that you were really sick in the first place. Please! I have to go outside to see what the weather is like anyway, from my room this morning it looked a bit dreary, it wasn't until I turned on the TeeVee I knew how hot it was going to be. And it is! I turned on the AC. I'm bucking the system. I know people say "Oh, I enjoy the breeze" and I call those people "people with broken air conditioners."

Mooohhhhaaaaa

I just learned that Baby Jack is sick, he has the swollen glands and he's not himself which is really sad because he's such a little peach when he's hamming it up. Like the time I asked where his sweatshirt was from (Gap) and he grabbed my face and said "Hooooome Hooooome" just like ET. Crazy kid! He finally admitted it was from Gap, and later told me that's where his pants and socks were from too. I think he was fibbing. I hope he is better soon, he's everyone's little P Pot!

I Got the Sickness

So you might not know this, but I've been bragging ALL winter long about how I haven't been sick. All around me people were dropping like flies and there was me, "Oh, I'm fine!" And now, I woke up with the sickness. I don't know if it's the exact sickness, but it feels like it's coming. Yesterday I was sneezing and coughing (the dry cough) and now I have the deep chest cough and frankly, I don't like it. It's not bad, I can still work and it's not like it's disrupting my day, but man, it's not comfy. Why sweet Jesus, why now after you let me brag for so long. It's been months, months! Maybe it's my own fault because I've been slacking at the gym, don't they say exercise keeps the sickness at bay? I think I read that somewhere. Too bad when I was warm and snug in my bed at 5:45 this morning I didn't give two shakes of a stick.

Anyway, here it is, April, with the big buildup to the May Sweeps when all the tv networks will (god willing) put their best foot forward and show us the good stuff. However, until that happens, we have to sit on our asses and watch reruns of all the good shows, or sit through new shows like "What About Brian?" whilst thinking "yeah, what about Brian?" What, was the 7th Heaven not good enough for him? Was he tired of the Camdens? Did he not want to stick around to see the little holy twins grow up? Well anyone too good for the WB must be too good for me, so I'm not watching! As you can see, I'm a little bitter aound the crap they are putting on the TV lately. I already finished watching the whole last season of Lost on DVD, what am I supposed to do to fill my time? Work? Finish up my master's project so it's not just sitting there all coffee stained with the corrections waiting to be made? Read trash novels? Play Gold Miner (ohh...gold miner.) Gold Miner can only fill so much time! I guess I could get a second job, but that sounds like too much work....

I Can't Remember

OK so I can't remember if I wrote about this already, but I don't THINK I did...I might have just complained to everyone about it in person...and I'm not complaining because it's been so long. But anyway, I was looking through the archives, and remember when I was in my "I Wish I Could Quit You" phase? Well I had completely forgotten about that. Probably cause I watched the movie Jarhead and now when I think about Jake I think "ohh raaa." No, maybe not. Probably cause I'D BEEN SAYING IT WRONG THE ENTIRE FREAKING TIME!

I finally saw Brokeback Mountain about a month ago, maybe even more, I can't remember. I can't even remember who I went to see it with, so no offense to that person. There is a lot of forgetting going on here. But there is something I remember. I remember this. The big buildup to my favorite line occured, and when Jake finally said it I went "WTF?? I've been saying it wrong." So the line is actually "I wish I KNEW HOW TO Quit You." But I've been running around for months like a freaking jerk saying I Wish I Could Quit you! And frankly, I've gotten pretty good at it. I bet people think it's really Jake standing there when I say it...I do my best voice. So anyway, I asked around and people seemed to like my line better, it just flowed more nicely, except that doesn't matter...I can't be making my own lines up. It's just wrong. So I have stopped saying it, and I've moved on to calling children "puddin'" cause I saw that in a TV show. Come on now, that's perfect, you see some little girl with pudgy cheeks - hey puddin'! Hahah.

On a side note, as I wrote the title of this entry, I Can't Remember, I'm brought back to a memory of Ozzy Osborne on Howard Stern. They got into a discussion of 9/11 and Ozzy was saying how it was just such a shock and Howard said "Yeah, that's one of those days you just never forget where you were or what you were doing," and Ozzy said "Yeah, Yeah," and Howard said "What were you doing that day?" and Ozzy said, in his Ozzy accent, "I can't remember." Well WTF, how do you not remember what you were doing on 9/11? In any case, when you do read this, say "I can't remember" in your best Ozzy voice!

I Smell a Rat

Much excitment at 330 Delaware this morning as I got a great view of a giant RAT right across the street!

They are putting up a new building right next to Channel 2 and the building directly across from us (which is vacant) and there are a bunch of Union workers picketing outside. Well, I wouldn't call it picketing, as they don't have any signs. They are just walking in circles and they have some posters (hand written on some Big Lots variety poster board no doubt) hanging up on the fence. They did however put up this GIANT blow up Rat which you see here. I think they don't have the posters in hand because they pooled all their moolah to get the giant rat. Anyway, he's holding a sign, but I can't read what it says cause I'm too far away. Then when I zoomed in, a cop car moved in front of the rat, obstructing part of the view. However, you can still see that big red blotch on the stomach of the rat. The people I work with think that it indicates it's a DISEASED rat - and I agree. I believe they are indicating that the builders are DISEASED RATS also, for not using Union Workers. However, I'm not sure they are really showing what quality workers they really are.

Right when I was taking these a Pine Hill Coffee Truck came over and like five of them ran over to get some coffee and donuts. Then, the ones who continued to picket were walking in a circle, and man, they were going slow. Like slower than a chain gang, except these dudes weren't chained together. They would get excited when people would toot the horn, but mostly they just went "yeah," they didn't move any faster. And to top it off, they must not realize that their hours on this picket line show their true work hours. This morning there were 20 of them, when i drove by at 3 p.m. there were about 6 of them, and just now I looked out and they are gone (so is the big rat and the cop cars.) It's not even 5 - where did they go?? Giving up so quickly? Maybe I see why the builders went NON Union!

Oh, and another question. Why are they putting up a new building when there is a perfectly good one right door that is empty? Hello? McFly? Anybody home?

Anyway, I don't know that any of the Union-Yes! will read this, but I want them to know that they really gave me and my co-workers some fun this morning. We all stood in Gene's doorway looking out the window. Later when Gene got here he asked "Did they get that rat from Cheektowaga?" and I got offended and said "absolutely not." Rats in Cheektowaga. Please. We got the airport! We got the mall! We ain't got no stinkin' rats!

No Problems at the Hortons

I got my coffeee at the Horton's this morning, and suprisingly, this nice man in a van let me cut in line, which was really nice, considering he was there before me. I started thinking, man, I'm going to pull a Haley Joel and Pay that Shit Forward today. Then I heard his order...he must have ordered his coffee, then when they tried to get him to buy up, it worked. He was like "Yeah, I want a hard roll," and I thought "OK fine, I can deal." But then I pulled up, and he didn't pull up behind me until I paid for mine. So either he was still ordering, or his car broke down (and it wasn't a dumper, so I'm sure he was still ordering.) WTF dude...I'm not paying it forward when he gets 8 bucks worth of stuff. I was going to get a bagel but then I thought, nah, don't want to spend the money...so hells no, I'm not paying for his hard rolls and timbits. Is that mean of me? Well so what then, it didn't work for Haley and it's not going to work for me I guess...Who knows. I might have gotten stab by some street toughs while at school just like he did. I mean, I don't go to school, but you never know, I do work in the COB.

Other exciting news, there was a posting on Overheard in the Office from Depew, which I'm going to paste here. I have to find out what this business is, I mean, come on people! Here is the listing...wheeeeee

Overheard in the Office
The Voice of the Cubicle

4PM Cruise Job Listings
Co-worker #1: If I ever get fired, I really want to sell myself on the streets.
Co-worker #2: Like a prostitute?

6350 Transit Road
Depew, New York

Coffee Saga Continues

So I got up late the other day and didn't have time to make my coffee. And I was like "Oh, guess I gotta go to Hortons," which I really didn't want to do because the line there at 8:50 a.m. at the one on Clinton and Harlem is quite the spectacle. The lot is super small, there are never spaces, and the drive through lane starts right off the Harlem entrance, and since I use the Clinton Entrance, you can just imagine that they don't like letting people in... I almost got into a fight with someone in the car once. The fight would have been us pointing fingers and yelling, but still, I don't like that in the morning. So I'm driving to work and I'm like "McDonalds, yeah, McDonalds!" It's cheaper and they just changed their coffee. Perfect.

Now remember the problem I had with them before? I was CERTAIN I would have a problem this time, as I've seen the signs everywhere saying that they mix it for you. So I got my large, pulled around, paid, then went to the 2nd window. And the man reached out and handed me - dadadadat du da - three things of creamer, followed by my coffee. A look came over my face, and seeing as I wasn't in front of a mirror, I can't tell you what it looked like, but I sure hope it conveyed confusion to the man. However, I don't think he cared, since he was the same one who had taken my money at window 1, then he ran up to window 2. So my question is - are they supposed to mix it? What gives??? Why can't they make up their minds. It would probably be cheaper for them to mix it, those little creamers can't be cheap, compared to a gallon of the half and half. And so, the question lingers. If you are reading this, and you know someone who works at the McDonalds, can you find out what their scheme is???

I have some other exciting things to post soon. I went to travelocity and got a big old HOOT out of the comments some of the people made about their hotel experiences. I can't wait to look at cities other than Vegas, I bet there are some good comments about the hotels in NYC!

Ho Hum...Until the Grapes Came Out

So today was shaping up to be a day like many others. Nothing really new, just working, emailing, meetings, etc. And then, the grapes came out of the bag. I got these grapes last night at the Wegmans - they were on sale, 1.99 a lb. Well, maybe not that big of a sale, but I like them and I figured I'd buy some. So I'm at my desk about an hour ago and decide to bust them out of the bag and eat some. I didn't wash them either - what a rebel I am! Anyway, I'm eating eating, whatever, dootie doo. So Jeff comes in and I'm pulling grapes out of the bag and some of them are huge. And then, the mother of all grapes came out of the bag. This thing is HUGE. I'm talking huge. I never saw a grape so big. So it was on my desk and I called in a woman to look at it, and she said "wow, that is big!" Then another woman said "are you sure that's a grape?" Then I told this other woman "dude, the biggest grape in the world is in my office," whilst down by the copy machine, and someone overheard and thought I was nutty, but it's true. This thing must have been treated with the cow growth hormone or something. So I decided it wasn't entertaining anyone whilst sitting on my desk so I took it out for a tour of the building - something of a "traveling exhibit." Everyone agreed "I never saw one so big." Another person said "are you sure that isn't a tomato?" and I said "but of course not, it was in my grape bag." I'm putting a picture here for proof. I have displayed the Bovine Grape along with a normal size grape. Many will note that the height might not be that much (close to an inch) compared to a normal grape, but please note the width, which is over an inch at the thickest part.

While taking these pictures JB noted that we must be really bored if this is what we are doing at 4:20 in the afternoon and he is right, but you know what? If I hadn't taken these pics I would tell you all about this giant grape one day and you would just say "Wow," but not really know the MAGNITUDE of this monster. I can't bring myself to eat it because it's like a show pony now. Maybe I'll get a little glass case, like they put Elvis's partially eaten porkchop in (you know like on the Golden Girls?) That's what I'm talking 'bout!

P.S. I ate so many of the other grapes I think I'm gonna vom...

News I'm Sad About

I just read this article and learned that Peter Tomarken, who hosted Press Your Luck, died in a plane crash. I don't know why I'm so upset, but I really am. Maybe cause I loved that show, maybe cause I just thought people like him go off and lead long lives before they die at 90 and when they do die people like me (who will be 60 by then) will be like "Oh sonny, I remember that show, no whammy's no whammy's, stop."

Very sad day - very sad.

TeeHeeHee

Where Are My Friends?

I am beginning to worry about two of my friends as they must be either:

1. Maimed (perhaps due to their poor survival skills, as show on this test.)

or

2. Very mad at me.

If your initials are CJG or DMC, I command you email me right now!

All the rest of you are good, you don't ignore my emails and pleas! Maybe cause YOUR sister's weren't in KMart Commercials and you feel you can still be my friend! Or maybe cause even though your super smart and get your picture in the Bee Group Newspaper, you still come down from on high to mingle with the commoners (like me.)

Miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Is Worth 3 Minutes Of Your Time

Can you tell I'm going through my favorites? I had to post this video link, becuase I just watched it again after a few months and it's still funny. Not laugh out loud and call people in the room funny, but mildly funny and more funny if you think that maybe this kid has no idea this is up on someone's website!

Click Here

P.S. It finally stopped snowing at 5 p.m.!

OMG I NEED THIS!

Look what they make!!

They make "I Can't Quit You" Bears - just as cute and fuzzy as the "Shit Bitch, You Is Fine" and the "Let's Get Busy" Bear!

I must have this!!!

New Month, Newly Ripped Off Template

So it's March now, and I decided to spice things up by changing the look of Dude, WTF. I like the darker color and the dots, but part of me feels bad that I don't have the skill to make up a blog all my own, like choosing the backgrounds and the layout and such. I had a hard enough time trying to put in the links to other people's sites, and I had to ask for help on how to put an extra space in between the links and that Powered by Blogger logo down there. But I'm sure there are some other losers out there who use the canned Blog artwork, right? Please tell me there are other losers out there.

It's snowing like an Em Effer today. It let up before, but from what I can tell it hasn't stopped the whole day. And since I never pay attention to the weather reports I had no idea this was coming. Luckily it's not that cold. Maybe I can trick someone into brushing off my car. I can say "isn't this your car?" and after they brush it off I'll say "psych, this is my car" and jump in and drive away. But that might not work unless I tell them to try out my snowbrush, which I don't think anyone would want to do. But maybe they would if I tell them it was used by someone famous, like the Pope. I can say "the Pope blessed this on his very last day of blessing things. Before he passed. Before his time." And then they might get fooled! I'll continued to work on my strategy in preparation for the next big snow day.

I want pizza for dinner! A nice buffalo chicken calzone would be delicious too, but the last time I got boned, they gave me a side of red sauce instead of a side of bleu cheese. How they gonna play me like that? I'm a loyal Picasso's customer!

On a side note, my phone has been ringing off the hook today. Don't people ever go home early anymore when it snows???

You Used Up All of the Glue, On Purpose!

Notafinga!

The Old Man from A Christmas Story has died. (Special thanks to Kevin for pointing this out. I was still wrapped up in Mr. Ferley's passing.)

What I find really funny about A Christmas Story is that he's even listed as "The Old Man" in the credits. Hilarious! Here are some of my favorite quotes, which of course were copied and pasted from IMDB cause I can't type all that stuff up!

Sons of bitches! Bumpuses!

Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian.

Alright, I'll get that kid to eat. Where's my screw driver and my plumber's helper? I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in.

It's a Major Award!

[Admiring his "major award"]: It's... it's... it's indescribably beautiful! It reminds me of the Fourth of July!

Of course there are more, but I hate to overload you with too much in one day. I save that for Fridays, when the Survivor Update comes out.

Speaking of which, no one has commented on the updates. You are all so fickle!

I Love Google!

Hey everyone! Someone pointed this out to me today (lord knows I would never have found it on my own.)

Do a Google search for the date "March 20th," and see what comes up.

It's all good people, it's all good. I mean, it's not Talk Like a Pirate Day, but it's still very funny!!!!!!!

The Lotto

I just read that the winners of the $365 million Powerball Jackpot came forward and it was eight workers at a ham factory in Nebraska. Now how cool is that? You chip in on a ticket and actually win against the odds? I just think it's so cool, cause now instead of giving a shitload of money to just one person, a whole GROUP of people are going to have a better life. Except for the one from the Congo. How did he get to stay over here dude...I can't get a Canadian into the US but you can come here from the Congo? OK Just kidding....

Anyway, I was supposed to win the MegaMillions again last night but something must have gone awry cause today on my way to work I saw that the jackpot went up to $205 million or something and according to my calculations I was supposed to win $165 million or something on accounta I have been so nice and friendly to everyone at work lately. Maybe the Lord can see that it's just a ruse, that I'm being nice but behind some people's backs I'm like 'Man, they need to learn to park their car, don't they know what those yellow lines are for?' But it's true dude, the parking lot looked like a war zone this morning, cars everywhere. I'm surprised the Peace Garden out back was intact, I think some of these people just pull into the lot with their eyes shut.

So anyway, the five bucks I spent on lotto tickets the other day was for not, but I am going to get more if I remember. Sometimes I forget things, and then when someone from Queens wins the jackpot I get mad. But I can't complain unless I have a ticket, which is exactly what happened last time. I got a nice ticket, and someone from Queens won. Queens! Why are all the lotto winners from Queens?? Does Yolanda Vega have some relatives down there or somethin'??

Did I tell you all that I got my haircut finally? Well I did, and it was long overdue thank you very much. One thing though. When I came to work on Tuesday people were like "Oh I like your hair" or "Your hair looks different, did you get it cut, I like it," and such. But this one person, who shall remain nameless, said, and I quote "what did you do to your hair," almost like I had dyed it pink, cut it into a mohawk and then fogot to comb it. I was thinking I had something in it. So I told her "I combed it, what did you do to YOUR hair" (cause her hair is all stiff and shit) and then bounced a quarter on it and it shot back and hit me in the eye.

And that my friends is why I'll never win the lotto....

OK I'm kidding, I didn't do that, I just mumbled that I got it cut and colored and walked away like the fool. I'll get mine one day though, don't you worry!

Every Morning

This is how I feel every morning at about 9:05.

Use Your Booty Like a Magic Wand

Wave it around - wave it around.

I thought in honor of this Happy Valentine's Day we could all have a laugh with the

Pre-date Confidence Builder

Some of these are better than others, but I laughed at almost all of them. I esp. love when he says "Where are you? Oh, you just turned on your side!"

We Like to Party We Like We Like to Party

You thought this posting was gonna be about a party didn't you? Well it's not, but that song was going through my head and I had to write it to get it out. You know the song, we like, we like to party. And then the girl sings and you can't really understand what she's saying, but it's something like "the something something's jumping, the something something's pumping, New York to San Franciso, and inter city disco." Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!

Anyway, I'm here to report a clean sweep by U2 last night at the Grammy's. Just as I predicted. They are the "golden boys" of rock right now - they can't do anything wrong. Boy I bet they didn't expect this when they put out Pop and everyone boo'ed and everyone laughed. Well ya know what? They all laughed at Christopher Columbus when he said the world was round. Well Ho Ho Ho, who has the last laugh now? And Eric Clapton, who beat them in 1992 for Album of the Year, well what is he doing? Yeah, he's in Cream. And you know who goes to see them? OLD people!

OK that wasn't very nice. But I don't know any young-in's who go to see Cream. Do you? Besides, their tickets are priced for Old People. Hahahaha!

Back to the Grammy's - I thought they were way too long. It was past 11 and I was waiting up to see if U2 would win Album of the Year and they kept bringing people out to talk, more singers, more performers. Then they had Queen Latifah talk about Richard Pryor cause they had this "In Memorium" section and they showed all the people in music who died last year. And then at the very end they had this picture of Richard Pryor and I thought in my head "did he release some music I didn't know about?" Why would they have that there? In any case, they finally cut through the crap and presented the award, which U2 won, but then they were accepting their award and I believe someone else was going to speak after the Edge and they turned the cameras off them and went to some dude talking about Hurrican Katrina. Dissed! Dissed by the Grammy's! I wonder if Bono will try to coerce them into making a donation to debt relief in Africa to make up for this injustice! (HAHAH)

So no one has told me who they would want to be with if they could only take one person on the deserted island. What gives people? Are you not visiting Dude, WTF because of the infrequent posts? I'm trying to do better, honest I am! Give it up peeps, give it up!

George-ism for the Day Part II

My friend Lisa sent me George Carlin's New Rules for 2006. I'm not even sure these are originally from George Carlin, but I had to share this one because you KNOW I agree with it!

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

However - I have to share this one with you too, because I laughed so hard I almost spit my coffee (not from Starbucks) out, because it's TRUE! He's not cheese!

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese.

Island Trivia

OK - if you were stranded on a desert island, and there could only be one other person with you, who would you want it to be? And don't be naming some supermodel, cause you can only do that for so long, then you have to actually talk to that person for as long as you both live!

I know who I would take, but I'm not telling until some other peeps do first!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME - PEANUT BUTTER JELLY AND A BASEBALL BAT!!!!!!

New Tax Form

I got this in an email this morning at about 10 a.m. and I'm still chuckling about it....

P.S.

I Wish I Could Quit You!

How Does This Happen?

I'd like to know how someone could be so dumb. Someone who is smart enough to connive other people, runs his own communications firm, and direct corporate leaders through crisis doesn't "think" he has to pay taxes when he wins a million dollars?

I have one thing to say about this here article.

Dude, WTF???

I Wish I Could Quit You

OK Everyone! That movie Brokeback Mountain Came out and I was all watching the previews for 40 weeks cause it seemed like they were advertising it forever before it started. Now the previews are still going, and they are like "Nominated for 5 Golden Globes" or whatever they were nominated for, and they are STILL showing it all the time. And each and everytime I see it I hear the words "I wish I could quit you." So now, each time someone mentions that movie I say out loud "I wish I could quit you," in the best Jake Gyllenhal voice I can muster. Ask my roomate - I think she's getting a little god damned sick of it. I said it four times last night, then someone came in and asked me if I wanted to go to the movies and I said "Brokeback Mountain, I wish I could quit you" and they said "No thank you, I don't want to see a movie about cowboys backpacking." But come on now - that girl from Dawson's Creek is in it. Not Katie, the other one, what's her name???

Speaking of Mountains....

Sexy Then?

Hey Dudes! My friend Kelly sent this over from People.com - it's about what was Sexy in 1985 and what's sexy now, and guess who is on it as being sexy then AND now? My friend, the man I touched, Bono. And although I'm here bragging about it, I do think we all need to recognize the mullet was not sexy. Oh, and the pic they use - they could find better, but I digress, he made the list!!!

Click here to view!

Peppermint Bliss

Alright people, don't get jealous. You might have a cutie in your family, but I have a cutie in my family who has control over the biggest piece of peppermint I have ever seen. Yes folks, that is a real candy cane sitting next to my cousin Madeline, and I am fairly certain that the cane is still intact. If you have any big projects in the next few months which require the delicious peppermint bliss seen here, let me know. I can probably arrange something for you. If not, looks like someone I know will be eating peppermint sprinkles on their ice cream until the end of the Bush Administration. Which, by the way, Channel 2 falsely reported was halfway over. We should be so lucky - we still have three years of that idiot left. Let's see how high gas can go people, ROCK ON and put some money in daddy's pocket, baby needs another martini, high ball, old fashion and case of Heineken (just another night...)

I Touched Bono

Since this news is so old, many of my regular readers may be bored by this post as I tell you all, once again, that I touched Bono. December 9, 2005 will go down in infamy as the day I stretched out my hand over the stranger next to me, tried to push him out of the way so I could grab the man, then watched as he grabbed the hand of my cousin who was behind me. Did that stop me from my ultimate goal? Oh No Siree Bob, I kept my eye on the prize and I just reached over and grabbed the TOP of Bono's hand (it was soft) and I just laughed and laughed because I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, because I couldn't believe it was actually happening. My cousin has a picture of all our hands in the air, and you can clearly see Kevin's hand is higher than everyone elses, maybe that is why Bono grabbed him, he didn't want to get sucked in my all the other low hands, cause Lord Knows I would have pulled him into the crowd had I been closer. Yeah, he has the bodyguard, whatever, like I couldn't take him....

Anyway, here is a nice photo from the show, one of 90 that my cousin David took. I'm still waiting for them to post mine at Snapfish, but as the crazy toothed, crazy eyed man behind me in line said "dude, 400 speed film just won't do it." Well you know I like to buck the system, so I certainly took four rolls of 400 speed film, you know, just in case. Come on now, some of those have to turn out, Larry was three freaking feet from me beating on those drums! See his high top sneakers? Yeah, cause that's what I was looking at when he was standing in front of me. PSYCH! (Remember Psych??)

In other news, the crazy holiday season is over, which is kind of sad, but kind of happy, since that big ass pile of gifts for other people in my living room has been replaced with a big ass pile of gifts that belong to ME! However, I have to eventually find a place for all the shit, which means I'll have to eventually clean my room, and you all know how much I love cleaning. I don't mind cleaning up OTHER people's stuff, but my own - pshh...child please. I will have to make that my other New Year's Resolution. In addition to being nicer to people, going to the gym four times a week and writing down what I eat, getting in order (so I'm not always late and stuff), and paying off my credit cards. Vegas odds are on the cleaning getting done early in the year, then everything falling to pot later. If you are a gambling man, these aren't safe bets.

And finally, I'm listening to Patsy Cline "20 Golden Hits" and "She's Not You" isn't on it. WTF dude, that's a classic! It's Golden, it's a Hit, where is it? Who do I have to call to protest? Or should I keep my mouth shut since I just ripped the CD anyway? Ok then....

I Love The Onion

So I'm back from the U2 concerrt and I have to say it was probably the best way to go out. This will be my last show this tour, probably my last show for another four years and it was effin' amazing. I'll post more information in the next few days, I just wanted to post this article from the onion which almost made me pee my pants. Of course it's made up but I always wonder if maybe it's TRUE!!!!

Rest Of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans Starving

Bu-Bu-Balls

Ganked from Overheardintheoffice.com

Secretary: Oh wow, these are good.

Attorney: What are you eating?

Secretary: They are meatless meatballs.

Attorney: So essentially, you're just eating balls.


me: hahahahahahahahahahaha

Seven Days More

So only seven more days until Thanksgiving, which many of you may know, is my favorite holiday of the year. I think it's partly because my birthday is right after it, and partly because there is all the fun of the family hanging around together, without all the greed of Christmas Day with the screams of "where is my pile of gifts, bring me my pile," while someone is running around carrying gifts, up until it's their turn, then they turn into a lazy sack of shit who just sits on the couch and can't even hold the bag of used, ripped wrapping paper. I really shouldn't talk about those people, cause I'm one of them. I'm all about handing peeps their gifts until it's my turn, then I want it all brought to me and placed in front of me like I'm a queen or sumthin'! Then I tell people Move out of the way, I'm older, I want to sit on the couch, and I make them spare a square (a square cushion you freaks, not TP!)

Anyway, I'm excited about Thanksgiving, I like when you have the "ends" of the plate that is all combined together, the turkey and the Stove Top and the Mashed Potatoes are all in one big pile. Oman, that's exciting. The only thing that stinks is WAITING for the meal, we don't eat until 6 or so and by then I'm like "dude, bring out the turkey and if it's raw who cares?" cause I'm so hungry by then. Perhaps I'll have a snack at 2 p.m. this year to tide myself over, instead of just hanging around the olive bowl and getting yelled at for sneaking them when no one is looking. At least I THINK they aren't looking, but with 20 people, someone always sees. Good thing I rarely listen to anyone who is telling me NOT to do something. At that point I just say "what, what, I didn't do it" and look around like it was someone near me who took the olives. OR I say "it's my hot body, I'll do what I want!"

Also exciting this time of year is Black Friday, which I recently found out is every day when shopping in Washington DC or Virginia. Everywhere we went was all crowded, you had to wait for tables at restaurants, couldn't find a parking spot to save your life. I'm happy it's only like that two days a year in these parts of town - one being Black Friday (the other being the Saturday before Christmas, which this year is Christmas Eve. Should be interesting.)

OK people, and how about the snow this morning? I guess it didn't snow that much in the City, and it didn't at all in Tonawanda, but in Cheektowaga my friends, it snowed. So much that I had to walk all gentle to my car so I didn't fall, and then I had to go on the manhunt for the snowbrush, which I found in my car underneath a big pile of Race for the Cure t-shirts and Sierra Mist Free bottles. Which were full I might add - I'm drinking one now! Anyway, I had to brush off my car and I longed for the days when I lived at home and my parents let me park in the garage. Ahh, yesteryears. At least the driving wasn't bad, I heard people was all spinning out on the 400 and I was like "What fools, living in the Southtowns." Hahaha!!

So my TV shows are still going along nicely. Lost gave us an update on what the "tailies" had been doing all of last season (a lot of walking around from what I saw) and Survivor should be very exciting tonight, even though I'm out of the work pool with the loss of Bobby Jon last week. However, the stupid Country Music Awards were on Tuesday, which means they didn't run The Amazing Race. I was all excited, we turned on the TeeVee at 9 p.m. and I see someone on a stage and I think, no this can't be right. But it is. Everywhere you looked you saw cowboy boots and hats. I think I even saw someone wearing chaps. Who would have thunk that they'd put the CMAs on during Sweeps Month. I just don't get it.

On a side note, I still don't get the whole "Tom Cruise Katie Holmes thing." Anyone feel like explaining to me???

Still Pissing Me Off

So yesterday I went to Horton's for my delicious medium coffee, but today I made the signal at Harlem and Clinton, so i went to McDonalds to try things out again with the cafe ole. Please! I pull up and order my choice very clearly.

"Can I have a medium coffee with two creams, and can you mix it?"

"1.25 please drive around"

Blah blah blah, drive drive drive. I pull up to the 2nd window just as I see the worker putting sugar in a cup, then putting two creams in, then hear her yelling to someone "the creamer machine is broken." She then fills the cup with coffee, lids it and hands it to me.

Me: "Did you put sugar in that?"

Her: "Yes."

Me: "Oh, I just wanted two creams."

Her: No response, just this evil looking glare and big ass grunt. Them: "Ashley, she didn't want sugar in this!" to the woman who took the order.

Me: "Dude, WTF, how effin hard is this???" (In my head of course)

So she goes to fill up my new cup, and she's trying to rush (cause there was no one behind me) so she's all breaking the creamers open and cream is flying everywhere. All on the counter, all on my cup, all on her hands. I'm beginning to get the feeling that the McDonald's staff do NOT like the idea of preparing people's coffee. I finally got the coffee, cream dripping off the cup of course, and drove off.

A side note to this story, the man in front of me got coffee too and his was handed to him with the creamer on top of it, much like mine from last week. I think they need to re-evaluate this whole coffee mixing sign campaign, it's obvious that the staff are revolting!

In other news, the saying of the day is "It's my hot body, I'll do what I wanna do." You can say it about anything really, it doesn't just have to be if someone warns you that McDonald's hash browns are bad for you. They could be telling you to get a report in on time. Just say "it's my hot body, I'll do what I wanna do!"

Amazing Race is on tonight and the Linz Family is still going strong, thank god, because I have a feeling that I will soon be out of the Survivor Pool which I organized at work. Imagine the injustice - I organize the thing and I think I'm going to be the first one knocked out. Too bad there isn't a fee I could skim off the top. Next year I'm going to charge $5.50, with 50 cents as the administrative fee!!! After all, it's my hot body, I can do what I wanna do!

See how easy that was??????

Ronald & You!

Well McDonald's has certainly pissed me off this week.

I used to enjoy going there for a delicious cup of Small coffee, which totals only $1.07, which is very cheap compared to Tim Horton's, where they rake you over the coals for the small (it's $1.27 at the Harlem/Clinton store!) Anyway, McDonalds recently delighted me when they put up a sign that said "We'll Mix It For You." Delightful! They'll MIX my coffee for me, so I don't have to wait until work to start drinking. I remember one time I said to them "can you mix it?" and the worker told me "we aren't allowed." I have heard of some odd statements, but "we aren't allowed?" Why, OSHA standards??? You people dip things in hot grease all day and you can't pour a creamer into coffee? I digress. They are going to do it for me now. Yeah!

I pull into the drive-thru on Wednesday, maneuver my way around the semi-truck which is delivering an order in the middle of the drive-thru lane, and place my order excitedly. Small coffee, two creams. The man says "small coffee with cream?" I say "Yes!"

I drive around, and hand him $1.07 made up entirely of quarters, dimes and pennies. It's a tight week people.

I pull to the second window. Chipper (as I call her) opens the window and is holding my small coffee. Sitting on TOP of my coffee are three creamers. She hands it out the window to me along with the little shitty stirer and I sit there like "uhh....uhhh, I thought you mix it."

"You have to ask," says Chipper.

Well what the fuck are you talking about I have to ask? There is a big M-EFFIN sign up right by the drive thru that says "We Mix It For You." If there was a sign that says "Made Fresh Daily," do I have to request that they make my salad fresh, or risk getting one they made four days ago. WTF I say - WTF!!!!

It doesn't end there. My friend Kelly Snyder informs me she got a coffee there last week and ordered creamer and they said "would you like it mixed?" and she said "Why yes!" She got to her destination and sat down to a nice cup of BLACK COFFEE.

Now I'm not as mad at them as I am at Starbucks, cause it's not like they charge me four bucks for the coffee, but come on people - how hard is it to put creamer in a cup and pour coffee over it? I don't even ask for sugar!!!!!

In other news - I missed almost all of my TeeVee shows this week, with the exception of Lost. No Vegas. No Desperate Housewives. No Survivor. No Alias. And only half of the Amazing Race - the later half, so I could see the Aiello Family go home and cry because I was stuck with that effin Gaghan family for another week. Those kids need to get kicked and I'm just the girl to do it.

That's it for today everyone. If any restaurants pissed you off recently, let me know!

Overheardintheoffice.com

Visit today - it's fun!

Employee #1: How do you spell "who"?

Employee #2: How do you think it should be spelled? Sound it out.

Employee #1: H-O-W?

Employee #2: Does that sound right to you? Aren't you like, 30 years old? And you can't spell "who"?

Employee #1: You're the one who told me to sound it out, bitch.

Poor Sienna and Poor Jude

Well well well, it seems our favorite lovebirds, Jude Law and Sienna Miller, are tabloid fodder yet again. This time, sources say that the couple have decided to call it quits. See article here.

I do believe my favorite quote in the article to be

'Adds a snitch to the London Daily Mail, "Jude is devastated and depressed; he is not in a good state right now."'

Well maybe Jude should have thought of that before his penis traveled into the nether regions of his former nanny. Is anyone else with me when I say "I don't feel sorry for him." He made his bed and he should lie in it.

I do think this quote is kinda funny

"According to the paper, Law is currently holed up in "a secret location in Europe" (the News of the World pinpoints his position to southern Spain)"

What is he, the freaking Taliban? He ain't Osama Bid Ladin people - we don't need to "pinpoint his position."

Can I just say bitch please....

George-ism for the Day

I had to do it....


Donald Rumsfeld is giving President Bush his daily briefing on Iraq.

He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching asthe President sits, head in hands.

Finally, President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

Let's Get Some Things Straight

I think I might have to clear some things up because my post of two days ago might have gotten misconstrued.

I'm not gonna lie - I like watching the TV. I like to turn on the MTV and see a nice episode of My Super Sweet Sixteen, but I think I like that so I can say "hey Jane, check out this bitch," and then we can talk about how the little hussies who are 15 going on 16 are just a bunch of shallow, self-involved, arrogant hos. I also like to watch Reality Shows with former Reality Stars, like that show Bravo was running that had the former Real Worlders doing physical challenges. There were other reality TV "stars" but I didn't know most of them, except Evan Marriot, because come on people, don't be acting like you didn't watch the finale of Joe Millionaire. I tihnk over 50 million people did and I was one of 'em!

ANYWAY, while I do like to watch the TV, I don't organize my day around it. Like last night I had a meeting so I missed Survivor. I did manage to watch Alias while I was ripping my split club tickets, but I didn't hear all of it cause they were like whispering. I did however see Vaughn get all freaking shot up (more on that later). But my point is this - I CAN miss a TV show and still function, it's just that if I'm home I like to watch it. What else am I going to do, play computer games? HAHA - just kidding. I guess I could read, but I started a book a few weeks back and I'm just not into it. And I still can't get back into that Harold Potter book, why did that JK Rowling have to make them so damned long? She did it on purpose I tell you. She made the first one nice and short to get us hooked, then she started making them longer and longer, now you have to read through 100 pages before Harry even leaves the Dursleys, and by page 200 he's still chilling like a MoFo waiting to head off to school. That new book came out (something about a prince) and I was like "Yeah, not buying that shit..." I haven't got time to read about how he's pissed off about not being a Prefect or not getting any booty at Hogwarts. Tough times abound all over Harry!

In any case, I want to clear up that I don't arrange myself around my TV; if I see it, I see it, if I can't, I try to tape it (or make a frantic call to my cousin to tape it for me) but if I miss it (like last night), it's all good. I think my previous post lead people to believe that I was watching TV 24/7 or something. But I don't - I miss some shows. And I'll survive...somehow. Which is more than I can say for Brianna - who I hear got voted out on Survivor last night. Sorry Paul - best wishes to your remaining team member, and so much for that flying under the radar plan you had!

My next post will deal with the death of Michael Vaughn and my unhappiness with Alias's producers, directors, writers and all those who work, associate or provide goods or services to the American Broadcasting System. They are lucky I'm dying to figure out what's going on in that hatch on Lost, or else I'd start my boycott, similar to the Survivor boycott of '02 and '03. It wasn't pretty folks (no water cooler talk for a whole year!)

Ciao people - and if you are free on Sunday, come on out to the Ironworker's Hall for Tricia's benefit - it's 1-6 and tickets are 20 bucks each. You know you want the beer and pizza! And if you aren't free just give me twenty bucks for the cause! You can afford it!

Gone Fishing

What a great time for a little family vacation!

Miss Madeline!

Here is the most recent picture of Miss Madeline - Amy said her nickname is Chubbs (because of the double chin) but I think that is just the way she was sitting. Although I did tell my friend Marcie the other day that her (Madeline's) cheeks were pushing the maximum weight density. She is just so damned cute though!!!!

Tuesday, Tuesday

Just sing that title to the tune of Monday, Monday and you'll understand where I'm coming from. I have to say that if I was ever thinking of writing a song about a day, it would be about Friday. Friday is just full of promise. You have the whole weekend stretched out in front of you, and every other Friday, my work presents me with a check in exchange for the "work" I've done in the previous two weeks. Plus, there is Friday Fish Fry, which is also fun and delcious. Yes, I think it is safe to say I would be able to write a song about Friday fairly easily.

So the TV season is in full swing, and my friend Rob (Bob) said that he has a grid to keep track of his TV watching and I laughed my ass off until I realized that I too need a grid or some sort of Excel spreadsheet to keep track. I also need to purchase some blank tapes as I'm too poor for TiVo. First and foremost, they have moved Alias to Thursday nights against Survivor. While Survivor does piss me off, I have to watch it since it's the program of choice in my house, and cause I have money riding on it. And whle I love Alias, I am very upset about their choice to off Vaughn from the show, so I'll be showing my non-support by setting the VCR each week. I hope their ratings go in the toilet and the ad prices go down for them and they realize how damned stupid they are being. STUPID!

Next up, we have the Amazing Race and Nip/Tuck. Tonight's Amazing Race is going to be on from 9-11 p.m. - but I have a meeting this evening, so I said I would tape it. But oh, no, Nip/Tuck is on at 10 p.m. What am I going to do, my VCR is already taken up! What if I get home at like 10:15 and I miss the beginning, you can't miss the beginning, I mean, it's not like the episodes are the same each week. You just don't know who is going to sleeping with who and who is going to be fathering someone's child, it could be status quo one week and all up in the air the next. What is a girl to do?

Also, I've been watching Vegas this season, which runs at 9 p.m., just after Kitchen Confidential is on. Now you might ask why I'm watching some cheddar new show on Fox, but Bradley Cooper of Alias (and Wedding Crasher) fame is on it. So I'm giving it a whirl. Now it wasn't laugh out loud funny, but I thought it would do in a pinch. However, if one night of TV must go, it would be Monday. I'm not commited to Vegas like I'm commited to Lost, which is just confusing me more and more as the episodes fly by. What happened to the freaking raft for crying out loud?!?!

So there you have it folks - my problems in a nutshell. I don't know how I'm going to deal with all this TV confusion. Maybe they have a support group for people like me, but it would have to meet on Friday or Saturday when I don't have any TV to watch. Cause Sunday is Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy night.

And does anyone else thing that Ty Pennington from that Amazing House Makever bullshit show is just so full of shit? I love how he forces to squeak out a few tears each episode, like he really gives two shakes of a stick. And I swear to god, him and his "secret special" room need to get out of the closet right now and admit they are in love with the lighting specialist.

Vallon - OUT

Arrrghhh Maties - it's Arrived!

It's finally September 19th - the Official

Talk Like a Pirate Day

For more information on how you can celebrate this special day, click here!

Latest Email

I just got an email with the title

Why Men Don't Take Woman On Vacation.

It contained the photos posted in this post and the next three. NICE HUH?

Isn't

This

Nice...

Amazing Discoveries!

This was discovered today by my friend Jeff.

"If you spell test and accidentally shift one letter over with your left hand, you can make a twat."

Amazing!

Update!

I have been corrected. The Bee Chicken was NOT ordered from The Great Wall - it was from the Chinese Kitchen, which I believe to be on Elmwood very near to ETS (across the street from Mobil.) I hope the previous post didn't lead anyone astray - it is SAFE to eat at the Great Wall. Just steer clear from Chinese Kitchen. Who knows what might end up in your egg roll!

By the way MoFos, what's with you not leaving any comments? It's free and easy, so give 'em up peeps!! Don't make me say Dude, WTF again!

The Chinese Food Story

As promised, the bee story. Please don't mock the graphics.




About two weeks ago we were stumped for something to eat here at work. I believe I'm the idiot who said "Chinese?" We all placed our orders from the Great Wall (on Elmwood) - Sesame Chicken for me. Not the lunch special, but the one that comes in the container with the rice on the side. That's what I'm talking about. So it's about 12:20 when the food arrives and by then we are all starving. So we start eating and things are going fine until I'm on, oh, about my fourth piece. I decide I need more sauce so I got into the container and get some more sauce, then I see a nice little piece that is calling out "eat me, eat me!" So I put it on my fork and there's something on it (see exhibit 1). It was roundish shaped and at first I thought it was a ladybug. I was like "Oh Jesus," cause I was hungry, you know how when you are hungry at lunch, it's like "I gotta eat!" So I stare at it and I'm like "hmm.." Everyone says "what" with that voice like "We know you are going to tell us but we really don't want to know."

I hold up my fork (with the chicken and the unidentified thing on the chicken) and say "What do you make of this?" You can tell everyone in the room is like "glad that wasn't mine." Obviously I'm not going to eat that piece, so I said I'll just throw it out. As I'm chucking it into the bag Chris says "it looks like a bee." Now I had thought that earlier, but I wasn't going to SAY anything. Since I'm still starving, I keep eating. I finish what's on my plate cause i'm that hungry. Then I'm digging around the container and I'm moving things around to make room for the rice and I push over a piece of chicken, where I find more of something. I like to call them Exhibits 2 and 3. To that I announced "and we've found the rest of the bee." The whole freaking bee was in my Chinese Food, plus, it must have gotten mixed around which is where it came to play that exhibits 1, 2 and 3 were seperated from each other.

Now I know I've done some writing over the labels of the bee above, but I think you can read very clearly that the first piece I found (Exhibit 1) includes the small intestine, the poison sack, the RECTUM and the stomach, which is close to the point of fracture (the bee was ripped between the "honey stomach" and the "wing muscles.") I am trying not to think about it, but i'm sure some of it's honey stomach was mixed up in my delicious chicken and I should have been smart enough to throw the whole lunch out, but damn, I was hungry (as mentioned above.)

So there is the story, wtih a very good moral. If it looks like a bee, it probably is a bee. Don't go looking for more, just throw the chicken away. And don't order from the Great Wall.

Happy Friday!

Ship Jumpers!

So I wasn't the only one who was upset about the ship jumpers yesterday. I received this message from a friend!

"I will shove my wooden peg leg up their ass for jumpin ship."

For those who DID jump ship, you missed a damned fun time, Skippy! It was really nice, and everyone loved my four cheese platter, complete with pepperoni, which Jane sliced herself. (She cut the cheese too...hahahaha!) Some highlights of the night were:

-Sandy arriving as the boat was pulling away from the Dock. Poor little lamb was waiting on the other side of the restaurant and stood there so sad looking as all of us stared at her thinking "oh girl, you're late."

-Me, upon seeing Sandy and Robert chatting, asking "do you know her?" and Sandy saying "everyone knows me Lor, I was standing there watching the boat sail away!"

-Robert telling Sandy "Yeah, when I saw her on the dock I said 'I'm glad that's not me'."

-Everyone getting a dollar back (to tip the bartender) from their original payment of $23!

-Me, sliding the cheese tray down the boat to share with others, and narrowly avoiding a cheese spilling emergency by Mindy's quick and steady hand.

-Jane getting a drink from the bar and telling my Uncle that "the girl makes 'em strong," when the same girl had been making the drinks all night.

-Jane asking "where is the city," then looking to the left and saying "oh there it is."

-Being told by Ryan that his worst fear was no one coming to his wake or funeral, but that since I knew so many people on the boat, people would surely come to mine.

-Finding out that if anything did in fact happen to me, people on the boat would attend the 2-4 p.m. laying out at the Funeral Parlor so they could go to Happy Hour after.

The worst part of the evening, in my opinion, is when the boat was nearing the dock and we knew we had to get off - the night went WAY too fast. Next year I say we go out twice!!!!!

Who's with me?

ROBERT GRAVES IS MY HERO

I went to the Darcy McGees last week Friday and discovered they have a kick ass free Happy Hour Buffet. So I just decided that I'd like to take all my readers out to dinner on Friday evening, say about 6 p.m., Darcy McGees, near the corner of Franklin and Chippewa. Meet me near the buffet, and bring your own plate. The ones they give you are much to small to fill you up, and I don't want you to go away hungry. And remember - this is my treat. If you are extra nice, there will be a glass of water in it for you too!

Tonight is the sail on the Moondance - I'm excited. Except we had some last minute cancellations. Don't get me wrong - I know things creep up. Kids, families, sicknesses, cramps, all that stuff. But somehow someone telling me "A quick note to let you know that I will be unable to attend Moondance tonight. Sorry!!" just doesn't do it for me. First of all, it was sent at 2:47. You just found out at 2:45 you couldn't go? OK fine. Well give me a good excuse then. And don't send me a "quick note." Explain to me why I now have to explain to 36 other people that the price is going to be extra (five hours before we sail) cause you and your husband are a bunch of flakes. Somehow the quick note just doesn't do it. I need answers. The truth! I can handle the truth!

In other news - I think I'm becoming a pizza snob. I used to just think it was all good, but lately I'm becoming this snooty connoisseur who eats a piece and says "Oh, no, this just won't do." Don't get me wrong people, I eat it still. But my heart just isn't into it. I think to myself "oh how I wish this was from Picassos!" It remains my favorite from a Pizzeria, with Pizza Hut my favorite from a restaurant. And I know you are thinking "Pizza Hut? Be you sick Lori?" I just love it! I think it's the deep fried goodness on the bottom, cause Pan is my favorite. You can take that thin crust and return it right back to the buffet where you got it from thank you very much.

Well, I must bid you adeiu as my eye patch needs to be picked up from the cleaners. Ahoy maties!

My Name is Luca

I live on the second floor!

OK this might be TMI for some of you out there but I'm going to Happy Hour tonight so I decided to freshen up and put on some new deoderant. I had this little sample size in my desk drawer with my other toiletries (yeah, like I'd keep work files in there) and I just tried it. Damned baby, I smell good! The scent was Pear Illusion by Secret. Strong enough for a man but what man would be caught dead wearing Pear Deoderant. Anyway, I'm not sure if they make it anymore because it got it from a little sampler bag with an auction item I won last year, but if it works, I think I'm hooked. I may never have to wear Eu de Parfum again!

This weekend I intend on sleeping late. If that doesn't get carried out, I plan on taking naps to make up for the sleep I missed when I didn't sleep late. I'm going to have to remember to cut off liquids after 9 p.m. - if I don't I'll be getting up at 7 a.m. to pee and I'm sorry, but that just ruins everything. By then it's light out and you feel like a lazy sack of shit for going back to bed, when why should you really? It's your life, do what you want! But NO, all those people with homes and kids and responsibilites are up already doing their laundry and bills and gardening and grocery shopping and you are a lazy asshole just sleeping the day away. What do you have nothing better to do? Are you just a total lazy slob? Why don't you get off your butt and DO something?

Anyone else feel this when they wake up prematurely? That they have to get up cause others are? Just checking.

I'm off to get my drinks bitches. Coming next week, I promise, is the bee story. Oh and my review of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Two thumbs up - which I never thought I'd see the day!

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Animal Pictures

Here are some pics of Andrew's trip to African Lion Safari. And yes, he was accompanied by an adult. I am proud to show you this succession of Live Action shots!

By the By - the photos I'm uploading are all labeled "Balls" (1, 2, 3, etc.) on my desktop. Yes, BALLS! How exciting is that?

Preparing to dismount...

Note the excited expression and wild arms flailing!

A perfect landing!

I like to call this next photo "someone please feed me." Note the upper chest and how the ribs show. I must remind you that the boy does eat - I've seen it. If you're eating, he's eating. I just don't understand why it all goes into his teeny belly!

By the by, this photo is labeled "RIBS."

It's the same water!

That's all I got. I do have to tell you the Bee story still but I just don't have the energy to write it up and I know there will be questions which I don't know if I can answer. Plus, there will be judgment - I know it!

OH YEAH - I'M TWO ALRIGHT!

Doesn't Anyone Understand My Sarcasm?

I got this forward entitled Zen Sarcasm and I got a real hoot holler out of a few of them, so I'm posting them here. Two of them remind me of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy which I really miss. Actually I just miss when SNL was actually entertaining. Hope everyone enjoys this rainy day - just think, your lawn needs it. Stay tuned for the next installment of Dude, WTF when I engage all my readers with a story of how I found a BEE (Yes, you read it right) in my Chinese Food yesterday.

1. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
2. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
3. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
4. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
5. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
6. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Shady's Back - Tell a Friend

Yes, Yes, I'm back from vacation and I'm actually out of the hibernation which I spent the last two days in. Seeing as I have to go back to work tomorrow I thought now was as good a time as any to pretend I actually care about what's going on in the world.

So how about that Peter Jennings? And how about I heard Katie Couric talking about lung cancer and him and I didn't even put two and two together (I missed the beginning of the newscast.) Personally I'm more upset about Hunter Kelly. He didn't spend years of his life smoking....

Anyway, until I get some pics from vaca I'll just be writing stuff here, I know, I know, the pictures keep you coming back. And get this - I didn't even WRITE this! My friend, who shall remain anonymous, requested that this be posted on the Blog. Please tell me your thoughts -

Is Pink the New Black??

Recently on a trip to the Sterling Renaissance Festival I was witness to an alarming trend among American Women. I know who we have to thank for it, but I will not name names... Lily Pulitzer should really sue IsaacMizrahi and Target for knocking off her Palm Beach esque line for all ofAmerica to wear.

The trend that I speak of is that people think thatPink is the new black and that it's slimming and that everyone looks great in it. There were countless women and a few men who felt it was their right towear this color. That regardless of their size or shape, that they had the right to wear it.

Pink is like Spandex, it's not a right.. its a privilege!

And let me just state for the record... I realize that the demographic of those who might attend the Sterling Renaissance Festival might be abit skewed to the low end of the human gene pool (MY SELF EXCLUDED OFCOURSE), but come on people... I have seen this in the office and even on TV...

Pink is NOT the New Black... Say it with me... PINK IS NOT THE NEW BLACK.